How to get son's girlfriend out of my house

Ive not read all the posts, apologies, but i agree with the few i did read, your son will go with her, please expect it, what is the alternative, he stays and when ever they meet up he will ask her to stay over so you are back at the same point.
Id be inclined to ask if your son is prone to outbursts of temper for the police to be on stand by along with a locksmith.
This has to end it will make you ill, be strong calm and firm when issuing a deadline for them to be out by or they will take over!
Be careful please.

That's good your son has agreed to change his ways and taken some steps towards this. I am skeptical about whether this will last long term.

You don't need to physically be strong enough to kick them out. If they won't go you can call the police to help you and put their stuff on the lawn for 24 hours for them to collect.

It sounds like a tough situation as I'm sure you don't want your son to leave, but you don't deserve to be treated like this by his girlfriend (or him for that matter) and it's not worth the daily stress and damage to your wellbeing.

Absolutely this!!!! And if your son goes with her, let him. His complete lack of respect for you needs to be addressed and sometimes only tough love will do it! I’m so sorry you’re going through this OP. People will keep being sh*y with you if you continue to let them - be strong and stand firm - you’ve got every right to feel the way you’re feeling!! Xx

This is spot on. Get some courage together OP, and get this done ASAP. Otherwise, you're going to end up falling into depression over this.

She should be apologising… in the very least and acknowledge it’s not working out.

Disrespect wouldn't be tolerated in my home. You got to tell her to pack and leave, go to her parents or other family member & if they won't take her she can go local council for accommodation. Your son is a big man and you need to cut the apron strings and be strong enough not to let him emotionally blackmail you or intimidate you with violent outbursts or things will only get worse. You've done your job as mother as you have raised him from babe to adult and all you need to do now is take a backseat and support where you can but that doesn't mean you're a walkover.

Well said! Yes totally agree. Get them both out and she should be mindful of the way he’s treating you, she’s next to get more of that. The old phrase, “watch how a man treats their mother because that’s how you’ll be treated,” springs to mind!

I’ve been in this exact position and it’s utterly awful.

I would say that the reason she’s behaving towards you in that way is because your son behaves that way towards you and she sees him getting away with it. He may not be name-calling you but she sees him disrespecting you on some level and it justifies her behaviour.

No matter how many times I reset boundaries and gave more chances to my son and his girlfriend it always reverted to the abusive situation which was very upsetting. I had no other adult to back me up at home so I was really struggling in the power dynamic against the pair of
them.

The situation came to a head where I had to call the police because the argument had gotten so heated and my son appeared as if he was about to hit me. For the first time in my life I was genuinely scared of him and can still recall his girlfriend standing behind him with a smug smirk on her face whilst he was screaming in my face.

Id strongly advise you to move the girlfriend out. The dynamic of your son living with his mother and girlfriend generates some tricky situations - particularly as it’s your own home - and without the girlfriend there it moves back to a family feel in the home. If he chooses to move out with her then let him go. He’s a man now and it sounds like it’s time for him to stand on his own two feet and look after himself.

Do not give away the safety of your home because of your son and his girlfriend. He will do what he’s going to do regardless of how you treat him but you still need a safe space to be.

You need to get them both to leave.

You will never achieve just getting her to leave - and why do you want someone with violent outbursts under your roof?

The behaviour you're putting up with is gob-smackingly outrageous.

Set a timeline - like 6 weeks?
Tell them they are both leaving and give them each a letter explaining the date they must leave by (keep a copy to show authorites) and also the rules they must abide by before they leave.

• No violence
• No verbal abuse
• No shouting
• Clean up after themselves
• Any breakages or damage must be paid for
• Return their keys and knock to gain entry

Advise them to go to Citizen's Advice Bureau or Benefits office for advice.

• Stop cooking for both of them.
• Do not do any washing for both of them.
• Do not buy anything for them.

Contact the local police and explain the date they will be leaving and ask if special constables can be present when you give your son and his girlfriend notice to leave - stating a possible violent reaction.
If they react badly, the police will also probably decide to be present on eviction day.
Contact the girl's parents and inform them their daughter and your son are being evicted on this date.
If you are renting/ Council accommodation - also let your landlord know. They will have a vested interest in the state and care of the property.

Change the locks 4 weeks after informing them of the eviction date. (Or before then if they refuse to hand over keys). Have only one key and keep it on you at all times. so it can't be copied. If they need to come in, they must ring the doorbell. If they break the door, call the police

Your son might become angry - hence the police (or a neighbour) being present when you hand them their letters telling them to leave.

Trust me the situation will only get worse, if they are verbally abusing you now.

Get them both out now. Have space from each other for the next 6 months.

Cut the apron strings with your son.

They won't be going anywhere better than where they are now.

Do not ever invite them back into your home to stay overnight - even if she gets pregnant. You're too useful as a babysitter for them not to need you in the future.

And yes, they know how badly they are treating you. And right now you are giving them permission to be worst versions of themselves.

Speaking as a mum whose son also had violent outbursts- I ended up getting the police and he was escorted off the premises. He now lives with his GF - we have a decent relationship but the relief of not having that in my house is fantastic. You deserve safety and peace. Don’t be a doormat - you need to be brave or it will not change. Sending hugs xxx

See if your local police can offer DV advice - you should not need to tolerate this is in your own house. I doubt if having a row would help - better to try to find the most practical way of getting them to leave. May be good advice to lock away valuables as a previous post suggested.

Yes, it is difficult because you obviously love your boy, but Unfortunately your son apologising will only last a day or two, it will revert back to the GF being rude etc. You need to get a plan to put in place, i.e. locksmiths number, bin bags ready, plus someone on your side to back you up (police at last resort). Good luck.

Sometimes I wonder how on earth these posts are actually real. As soon as she raised her voice to me I’d be packing her shit and turfing her out-how dare she, in your home, treat you with such disrespect. And how on earth your son has allowed her to is another thread entirely.

Hell Yeh!!!
Cheeky little bitch talking to you like that! And you are doing her a favour!!!
I would have kicked her out at the name calling!
Tell your Son. Tell him he can leave too if he has a problem with it.
FFS have some gumption. This is REDICULOUS!

What an awful position to find yourself in.

I would sit him down and say that she can’t stay living in your home any longer. Maybe offer a couple of weeks notice. Tell your son whilst you love him you don’t always like the way he treats you and you will understand if he wants to move out with her.
have you anyone to turn to, like your own family? I hate to say it but ur being bullied and the weaker s/he sees you the more they will treat you like this.

Currently trying to have a baby with Iui .
Reading all post similar to this one I'm just wondering it is worth all the effort for this ...what do you get in return for all the sacrifice

I do feel for you. My daughter's primitive partner was here for a while. He is totally objectionable. Really, I think it is time you had your life back and they went. If he stays, she is bound to stop over some nights and that will grow.

At I e point, I had to keep perishable items not in the fridge but in my room because he would help himself to whatever he fancied!!

Really good luck to you. I don't see why either of us should be berated in our own homes!

Don’t go out and leave them! She or they may trash your house.

Kick them both out, give them til a set time and if they’re not gone, you change the locks, call the police and put their stuff out front. Tell your son he stays and helps out or he goes with her and when they’re no longer together then he’ll be welcome back. I cooked and paid rent at my MILs and would never have screamed horrible names at her if we disagreed.

The mistake was allowing her in the first place. Just speak to the son only (not to her) and says she can stay one night a week but no more and that she needs to leave by end of the weekend. may be she can move in with h er parents. My son's girl friend is lovely and she has never moved in but I made it clear to him I would not agree to her being here during the week (he never suggested that would be so but I wanted it clear). I don't mind a night a week or 2 or 3 every 2 weeks but that is my own personal limit even though she is great.

If you’re afraid your son will become violent seek some advice from a local domestic abuse charity.

@55goingon15

You have been given a lot of excellent advice.

My advice comes from a friend who went through something similar but I will just share the part not already mentioned.

Before you ask them to leave, please make sure any valuables you have, credit cards, your passport, cash reserves, jewelry, heirlooms, are safely stashed with a friend. You'd be surprised at how much can just "disappear" while abusive people are packing to "move out".

I will also ditto the advice for having someone, preferably male, with you when you inform them of what they will be doing (moving out).

Stay safe and become happy again! Your DS and his GF are old enough to have consequences for their unconscionable behavior.

Please don’t do this op. They both sound aggressive and you are not. If you decide they are leaving please do as others have suggested and have someone with you. Do not do it alone.

Nope. It’s not all OP’s fault. People are influenced by more than just their parents. And he has to take responsibility for his behaviour - he’s an adult.

op sounds like a sensitive nice and generous person who is trying her best.