How to get son's girlfriend out of my house

It sounds like it's gone past the point where they apologise and you move on. The insults can't be unheard. I think you still need to ask them both to leave OP.

Personally I would not put up with that and if your son goes with her then that is something I would go along with especially if he is violent. I think I would stop cooking and shopping for them and tell them they are adults and need to sort themselves out with food etc. As for the vapes/smoking either she stops doing it in your house or moves out.

Pack her bags, place them outside, change the locks. Throw her out. Give your son the chance to grow up and stay, or he can get out and go with her. Tell him if he attempts to bring her back in the house you will call the Police. If your son becomes violent - Call the police.

2nd option - Throw both of them out and change the locks. Write them a letter, let all of your family and friends know what they have done to your home. Have a friend or family member around to support you.

You can also inform the Police and have a Police officer present to help remove them from the house. Tell them you are frightened of potential violence. Get a locksmith at the same time while the police are there.

This is what I would do.

Their relationship is more likely to fall apart if you're not enabling them to live together. If they want to live together like adults then they need to find their own place to stay like adults. I'd have no qualms with asking her to leave but would never have had her moving in in the first place. she doesn't sound like someone I'd want to encourage my son to be with.

I agree with the previous, but if you are too kind/too timid to do so, then perhaps get some rental details from estate agents for her/ both of them. Discuss with your son that you are not willing to accommodate her for much longer and is he going to move out with her WHEN she goes (not if). If he says yes, then tell him the door is open if he needs a place at short notice (up to you if you make it clear that this would be temporary).
Start discussing the fact that he can take his own bedroom furniture ( and any other spare items) to help them along.
In the meanwhile, the can pay board for food (make it clear this is not rent, but expenses contribution, as you do not want to get into eviction laws.

On the other hand,:
a) you do not say how old she is. She is treating you like her own mother. If you had a daughter, it is likely that you might have shouting matches with her?
b) It is quite common for partners to move in and parents to help out in this way, provided children are showing signs of saving up for a place, so have that conversation about how much they have put by
c) did her own mother get fed up and throw her out?

Without raising your voice, I'd say This can't go on. You are both adults with an income but I am the only one contributing to the costs of keep a roof over our heads, paying bills, cooking and cleaning. You have a choice: if you want to stay here, there's no more smoking in the house, you need to pay your way up front each week and treat me and our home with respect. Or move out and live by your own rules. You have 24 hours to decide, and if you choose to leave, you need to stick to my house rules until you find a new place.

You would be surprised at how often it happens. I have absolutely no doubt the posts about older people dealing with abusive adult “children” are real (Okay probably not every post – this is MN, after all).

Also this!

This.

You know you should throw them both out but it's obvious you're not going to.

If you are going to let them stay, it has to be on the proviso that the horrible girlfriend apologises for her behaviour and I agree with whoever wrote that you must insist it never happens again or they're out on their arses. And that this is the time to set some ground rules, including how much they should contribute to food, fuel, maintenance etc. That's not rent, it's literally a contribution to their living costs.

This must be breaking your heart. You obviously love your son and wanted to help them, but her behaving like this in your home is unacceptable. I think if you tell her to leave your son will undoubtedly go with her, but I am certain he will be back. The reason I believe this is for several reasons. You are supporting them both and they haven't had to take on those responsibilities for themselves. However, if she is treating you that way when you are giving her a roof over her head, how will their relationship survive when that support is removed and money is tight? I would put my money on her blaming your son or even still blaming you when money becomes an issue even they're on their own. Your son will see her for her true colours, unfortunately he has to see it for himself. The only way he will do that is if there is nobody else for her to blame. Just try not to say anything to your son in anger when he leaves, so he knows he can find his way back to you. Good luck with it.

This

You may not want him to leave, but at this point it looks like they are a package deal. Either she stays, or they both go. If you are serious about getting them out, you will need to do so legally through eviction. Not knowing what country you live in, I would recommend you contact a lawyer/solicitor for legal advice on how to do this.

Tell your son she needs to leave - he may go with her initially but then if they struggle they may split up and he will come back. It sounds like she is not a great girlfriend so I would not feel guilty putting pressure on them.

Channel that inner Peggy Mitchell -get out of my gaff!

It was your son that invited her to stay so it should be your son that tells her to go.
Tell your son that she can stay until the end of may or until she insults you again, whichever comes first.

I found your post slightly alarming . What kind of girlfriend living rent free speaks to her girlfriend’s mother like that and shows such blatant disrespect . Actually quite frightening for you to be living like this . I’d wait till there was relative calm and then sit your son down by himself and tell him it’s just not working out, and that you really think it’s best she moves out, because you will not be disrespected in your own house. It’s up to him if he leaves too, but if he does you should change the locks

I am so happy your son has apologised. Another thing to consider, if you see the TINIEST repetition of this behaviour, you might even show him this thread and let him and his scaggy girlfriend know that they and their disgusting behaviour are now the "stars" of a nationally read website...

What I find works with relatives is to say to them: I would like to have three months without any contact with you. You are not good for me and you are making me depressed and unhappy. So I am asking you to move out this week and not contact me for three months. Mention that you have taken legal advice or spoken to the police (which I would seriously consider anyway, just to give you a bit of back-up and find out what your rights are). Hugs! xxx

Personally,I don’t think he will leave with her as if he did he’d have to pay rent.

She still needs to leave OP, and you need to stop being a doormat.

Kick them both out and they’ll soon realise how good they had it.

Your son can’t apologise on her behalf. It is something she has to do for herself. If you can’t see that then you will never be rid of her.

Pathetic. And I don’t mean the girlfriend. If you’ve brought your son up to believe he can behave like this, then you better live with it

Sorry just seen update.