How to get son's girlfriend out of my house

OP, a relative ended up in a similar situation to you.

Son first moved his girlfriend in (now wife), made her life a misery, acted as if it was his house and she was in the way until things got so unpleasant they moved into a caravan in the land behind the house.

It didn't get much better and she pretty much lost the use of her own land as she was treated as an intruder if she so much as attempted to hang out washing on her own line.
Eventually, as she became frailer, with their kids now living in the caravan too because this has gone on for years, raised to show nothing but contempt for the home owner who they all took to referring to as 'the squatter' they started taking over the house again.

Over time, they drove away her friends by making everyone so uncomfortable they stopped visiting.
Her other kids got sick and tired of her refusal to throw her son out because then he'd be homeless and gave up because there was nothing they could do to help.

Her life now is utterly miserable, she is isolated and treated like shit in her own home.
They regularly (even her grandchildren, and the oldest of them has now left full time education) tell her to hurry up and die because she is hogging the bedroom the son and his wife want.
She spends hours sat in her room which is the only place she is let really use any more, on the phone in tears to anyone who will listen.
I think at her now advanced age (she's in her 90s), she is genuinely afraid to confront them.

Still, she won't throw him out or let anyone else do it because he is her son.
She also says he isn't so bad to her when his wife and children aren't there too.

Dream on if you think having this toxic girl and your son in a caravan in the garden is going to make anything okay.

Hopefully she will fall out with him once she's not freeloading inside your house, she may take him with her for a while but he should see the light eventually.

There’s not many parents that would put up with this.Your son and girlfriend aren’t living in the real world, being completely dependent and living off you and not contributing a bean!
Then to top it all, speaking to you like rubbish and expecting you to pick up after them.
Completely understand this is a really difficult situation for you and you’re worried about confrontation, one way, could be, write a letter to them, saying it’s not working out, there’s too many arguments and it’s getting you down, they need to start looking for somewhere else to live.You will help as much as you can with this, by going to the Citzens advice with them (who are really good at accessing help and support)I understand they’re on low incomes, this is why accessing the right advice is so important.
They would need to contact their local council, to say they’re going to be potentially homeless, if they can’t find somewhere to rent together, that they can afford (that’s the harsh reality, but they are going to have to face this)Also be realistic they would be looking at a bed sit/studio flat.
As we know social housing waiting lists are long, so alternatively, the council letting team l think it’s called, would be able to help find them a private tenancy, that they could afford, they would have to disclose their financial situation first though, they would then get financial help towards the bond.
Don’t beat yourself up, because in the long run this really is the best solution.

£20,820 is apparently the min wage for a year ( according to Gov.uk website ) for over 21 year olds - working 35 hours a week.

so they are on £41,000

yes they can afford to rent somewhere and pay utilities, they can choose what they rent - if they wish to have more disposable income then they may wish to rent in a shared property.

Life is often about choices...

Posessions in bin liner on the pavement outside and change the locks.

As they are treating your home like a hotel and you as their maid, tell them you want rent money. Make it a price they cannot afford so they decide to leave. If they say they cannot afford rent, then tell them they have to do a ridiculous amount of chores to help out. Hopefully they will choose to leave.

"My DS when not with the GF is lovely to me and my other DC and he does a lot of useful things (e.g. mowing the lawn/taking bins out etc)."

I wondered if youve ever tried pointing this out to him. Sort of mentioning how different his attitude is towards you when he isn't with her. Might plant a seed and make him think.

Remind them it us your house then just kick her out along with your freelancing son if necessary. Get a trusted friend to support you.

In my area you need to get permission from the council for somebody to live in a caravan in your garden.. even if it is a privately owned property.. you cant just set up!!

I would contact the police and ask for advice if you have already told them to leave and they haven’t.

If they thought you were just angry when you said it and you didn’t mean it, politely reinforce in writing that they must leave with whatever period you deem fit and for the remainder of that period what the rules of the house are.

What an awful situation to be in!
Personally, I’d rally troops and get support before taking them on.

You’re outnumbered in your own home and if things are as bad as you say (ds prone to aggressive outbursts and gf calling you names and shouting) it sounds to me like you could do with backup.

My line of approach would be:

• Contact her parents and tell them what’s going on. Tell them about the abuse and what they’re doing in your house. Ask them to come and collect her and her stuff.
• Text your son to say you are being abused in your own home and don’t feel safe. You feel your safety and mental health are threatened and you love him, but you’re not going to be a hotel for anyone other than him, starting on _ date.
• Get family/friends over on the same evening you ask for the parents to collect her, in case anyone gets aggressive.
• If her parents won’t come and get her/her stuff, I’d give her 48 hours notice to get out and like others are saying, leave her things in a safe place outside and change the locks.

Good luck!

Amen to this… This woman is putting up with a few and justifying it… She’s also a child… I mean grown adult son

I think you’ve lost a lot of compassion here… You need to throw them both out. Stop worrying about your 20-year-old man of a son, and let him start fending for himself.

I’m sorry, but you need to boot both of them out. She will always be visiting your home, and. Your son is old enough to start looking out for himself.

Cripes! You've got some patience, I'll give you that! I would've kicked them both out. Good luck with the future is all I can say. 🙃

Well, I hope it all works out for OP but I have a feeling that the caravan of love will rapidly morph into the caravan of discord.

Not ideal OP but good enough for now.

Good about the locked door. Keep it that way.

Any more lip from her and she's out. Ungrateful cow.

My reply to the OP who responded to Marelli

''55goingon15 · Yesterday 16:18
@Marelli Thank you for your advice and understanding. I am going to write some rules down and ask them to sign it.

I know many of you think I am weak for not throwing them out completely, but the rents around here, when suitable properties are available, are horrendous. There is no way they could afford rent and utilities in this area. I do want my DS to keep his current job which he loves and it wouldn't be possible if they moved away to a cheaper area.

Their move into the caravan means that they are buying and preparing their own food now and no longer have access to my kitchen. They also have outside toilet facilities so don't need to use the house very often - mainly use of the shower and washing machine in the utility room (accessed via a back door). There is a solid door between the utility and the rest of the house so today I have arranged for a locksmith to put a lock on it so they have no access to the rest of the house. We have a very big garden and don't have close neighbours so they are not bothering anyone else out there and I rarely use the garden.''

DEAR OP
you are storing up more trouble for yourself. All your arrangements and your feeling of security will be nothing, when they and the caravan become the HQ of 'summer bums inc.' As your DS has travelled, and you actually now know little about him, or his GF, it is possible that they know many others of their ilk, Your DS will not be able to protect himself from a crowd of would be squatters who will take over the caravan and possibly the house, especially if they have access to the utility room. If he cannot, how can you?

The fact that you have a large garden will not help, especially as you have no neighbours to tell you what they get up to when you are not there. Large gardens can accommodate a whole army. Your garden could become a latrine, perhaps fires lit to cook and warm themselves, and if you think that the new locks will hold, think again. You may allow the use of the shower, but who pays for it when the friends arrive? How is the water heated? The problem is the washing machine: who pays when they break it? One of their mates could disconnect it and sell it. I wonder if you have any idea of the limitless actions the youth of today can take. They could take the door and the new locks.

WATCH THE TV PROGRAMME about TENANTS and the destruction they do in landlord's houses.

ScreamingBeans · 30/04/2024 18:51
I agree, and will add something else to your sentiments: with caravan living, it won't be just them traipsing in and out of the house, will it? The OP has made things worse. At least while they were in the house there were just the two, but now there could be a whole lot of different 'summer hols bums' coming and going throughout the summer, using her bathroom and kitchen, and it can go on unless she can apply to her local authority or police to shift them, if possible.

It’s your decision, OP, and I understand that you want to do the best for your son.

But why are you willing to help his rude and ungrateful girlfriend who won’t even speak to you? I wouldn’t let her someone who speaks to me like that live on my property-she can bugger off and make her own way in the world.

She’s not a positive influence on your son either, why do you want someone like that in his life?

Longtimelurkerfinallyposts ·

What are they spending their income on?

I think I could hazard a guess (or two)! No sympathy now for the OP. They'll take over her home and she will sit back and let it happen. She'll probably be back on here before long, still looking for sympathy and making excuses.

She's doing her entitled son and his girlfriend no favours, and will get no respect - as I rather think she will very soon discover for herself.

You say they can't afford to pay rent and utilities for any house share locally?
But they both work?
What are they spending their income on?
I don't understand why you're letting them decide to stay in your garden - it sounds like this is an idea they came up with, not something you or your other DC suggested or particularly wanted. Whose caravan is it? If it's yours, but you're happy for your son to live in it, why can't it be moved to a different garden/ site? I'm sure they can afford to pay site fees/ rent for the use of a parking spot for it (even if this isn't something you've thought to ask for). Let them be independent, and see how they get on. Reclaim your house and garden for yourself and the other DC who presumably treat you with respect.
If you do continue with this foolish idea of letting them stay in your garden, don't allow them access to your washing machine/ shower. Let them go to a launderette/ sports centre, handwash, basin-wash. They both need to learn that you can't abuse people then expect to use their facilities. This will be a useful life lesson for your son as well, especially if he does end up living with other people in future.

Change the locks, abuse is not acceptable, verbal or physical it is abuse, and no way would I feed either of them .

I don’t think you are weak, at the end of the day you are a mother and it is your son. Hopefully what you have done is enough of a warning to them that they need to change their ways. Just let your son know that any further issues, they are out. You will not be disrespected in your own home

My DS when not with the GF is lovely to me and my other DC and he does a lot of useful things (e.g. mowing the lawn/taking bins out etc). Luckily I have had no need to speak to the GF since they moved out as she is clearly avoiding me - long may it last!
Did your son pay for his board and lodging pre-girlfriend, or was he still freeloading back then?