Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How to get son's girlfriend out of my house

358 replies

55goingon15 · 28/04/2024 14:57

I'm a single mother, long-time poster but changed names for this. My DS, in his early 20s has moved his girlfriend in with us. I didn't mind much at first but now I realise what a huge mistake it's been.

We had yet another row yesterday over their untidiness and general lack of care (e.g. forgetting to lock the front door after coming in late on Friday night) and she called me all sorts of horrible, unrepeatable names and I don't know what to do. They have been living here free of charge for several months and I have had enough of her selfish ways and her attitude. She also vapes/smokes weed and has got my son into it which I really don't like in my house.

I want her to go, but obviously I don't really want my son to go with her. They are both in minimum wage type jobs so don't earn a lot, but they don't even contribute by washing up after I have cooked a meal. What is the best way to approach this? Unfortunately she winds me up and it ends up in a shouting match, with my son supporting her and with me telling them to get out. They ignore me and are still in my house. What can do? Obviously I am not strong enough to physically throw them out and anyway I do worry about my son's state of mind as he has some history of violent outbursts.

OP posts:
Applescruffle · 28/04/2024 16:50

Mybusyday · 28/04/2024 16:24

I don't think it is as easy as this. Do you have DC? Could you honestly say that you would do this?

Show quote history

My mum would have. And worse. And I genuinely didn't even deserve it.

This bratty manchild and his cowbag of a girlfriend don't deserve OP.

PonyPatter44 · 28/04/2024 16:50

So your son is buttering you up, but she hasn't apologised... I'd flush their weed down the loo and tell them they have until Wednesday to sort somewhere out. They can book themselves into a Travelodge if they can't think of anything else to do.

Bet you she gets pregnant in the next two days.

TeamPolin · 28/04/2024 16:49

I honestly wouldn't even give her a month...a month is plenty of time to store up all sorts of trouble. Give her a few days maximum. She's not your problem.

grapeomelette · 28/04/2024 16:46

beAsensible1 · 28/04/2024 15:13

Tell them to leave, give them a months notice.

as they are living rent free and won’t contribute by treating your home or you with basic respect.

I can’t believe the audacity.

Absolutely this. Except I'd give them 2 weeks. If you allow them to speak to you and treat you like this you only have yourself to blame. They won't respect you if you carry on like this, and the situation will only get worse. Your son will survive. Short term pain for long term gain OP.

Moreorlessmentallystable · 28/04/2024 16:45

Put their stuff out on the street when they are at work and change the locks.

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 28/04/2024 16:44

55goingon15 · 28/04/2024 16:31

@Mybusyday Thank you. It is not as black and white as people think when it comes to your own children.

My son has now apologised for both of their behaviour and promised to do better. He has said that they will contribute to the bills and have tidied up. I will see how long this lasts while I plan how to ask them to leave it it doesn't.

I will also check out the threads for child on parent violence. Thank you all so much for your support.

Are you afraid of him or what are you concerned about?

Where's her apology?

ZsaZsaTheCat · 28/04/2024 16:41

This is totally out of order.
When she moved in there should have been boundaries set about expectations of behaviour.
Do you have other children at home?

You need to ask her to leave and if he decides to go then so be it-I would not tolerate them verbally abusing me in my own home.

BruFord · 28/04/2024 16:35

She should be apologizing as well, OP.

Regardless, do make it clear that this is a final warning. Anymore poor behavior and she’s out.

IsawwhatIsaw · 28/04/2024 16:34

You are being bullied in your own home.
can you get a friend/ family member to support you to give them notice?
And given how they’re behaving, they need to leave asap. Any trouble, contact police

PTSDBarbiegirl · 28/04/2024 16:31

Tell her it's time to go back home. End of. Your son can go with her or stay and contribute rent. He might be relieved she's leaving. Tell him first and say she has to leave that day.

Original poster
55goingon15 · 28/04/2024 16:31

@Mybusyday Thank you. It is not as black and white as people think when it comes to your own children.

My son has now apologised for both of their behaviour and promised to do better. He has said that they will contribute to the bills and have tidied up. I will see how long this lasts while I plan how to ask them to leave it it doesn't.

I will also check out the threads for child on parent violence. Thank you all so much for your support.

OP posts:
AhNowTed · 28/04/2024 16:29

Sorry OP but the first time she called me a name in my own house, she would be out the door immediately.

BruFord · 28/04/2024 16:28

Mybusyday · 28/04/2024 16:24

I don't think it is as easy as this. Do you have DC? Could you honestly say that you would do this?

Show quote history

@Mybusyday The gf is the person whom she really wants to get rid of though. Her son can stay if he wishes. It’s his choice.

AnxiousRabbit · 28/04/2024 16:25

Do you have a friend, family member or colleague that could support you.
I think you need someone with you when you tell them to back you up and reiterate that their behaviour is out of order and she needs to leave.

As PP, if she refuses change the locks and pack up their stuff while they are out at work.
If by any chance they don't leave the house then call the police for support

Mybusyday · 28/04/2024 16:24

WarshipRocinante · 28/04/2024 15:05

Change the locks when they are out and leave their stuff outside.

I don't think it is as easy as this. Do you have DC? Could you honestly say that you would do this?

WibblyWobblyWeeble · 28/04/2024 16:23

Tell them both to go ffs.

Padfootnprongs · 28/04/2024 16:22

Definitely give them enough notice to find a new place (3 weeks max) with a definite ‘last day’ agreed. If they’re still around on that day then it’s kick-out time (make it a working day, so there will be an opportunity to move their stuff out and change the locks while they are at work).

If you want to be extra generous you could book 2 nights for them in a local bnb / hotel so they won’t literally be on the streets that night and to give them a chance to charge up their devices & find somewhere to live (most likely a house share) quick sharp, but then it’s up to them. Tell them to have a look at spareroom.com

Rosestulips · 28/04/2024 16:22

WarshipRocinante · 28/04/2024 15:05

Change the locks when they are out and leave their stuff outside.

I would do this too

Maddy70 · 28/04/2024 16:22

Just say. This isnt working out you need to find somewhere else.

Give them a month to find somewhere

Applescruffle · 28/04/2024 16:20

OP, you need to stop being a wet blanket, grow a backbone and kick them both out. Physically, if need be.

How DARE she and how dare he allow it?

I don't know who's done such a job on your self esteem but why are you putting up with this and why don't you want your son to leave? Look at what he allows her to do to you. Look at the partner he's chosen.

DrJoanAllenby · 28/04/2024 16:19

'and she called me all sorts of horrible, unrepeatable names and I don't know what to do.'

Throw the pair of them out.

Please take onboard that your son loves this piece of crap and is condoning her disgusting behaviour.

Kick them out, call the police if you have to. Change the locks and don't let them cross your threshold again.

Boomer55 · 28/04/2024 16:16

Give them notice and turf them out.

Houseinawood · 28/04/2024 16:16

WarshipRocinante · 28/04/2024 15:05

Change the locks when they are out and leave their stuff outside.

This £30 for a new lock. Just change the locks, install a ring doorbell and black sack their stuff up

CeffylCoch · 28/04/2024 16:14

Fuck giving her notice, tell her to get out of your house right now!

Gymnopedie · 28/04/2024 15:56

I want her to go, but obviously I don't really want my son to go with her.

And that's what they're relying on. The gf isn't the only guilty party here, your son is absolutely complicit in what's happening. What's to say if she left he wouldn't just carry on with the same appalling behaviour - he's got used to the idea that you will be treated as a doormat.

It's time to take a deep breath and tell them they're both moving out. Give them a deadline and mean it. Put it in writing (a text on the phone is good because they can't delete it and claim it never happened) And if they don't go on that day yes, call the police if necessary.