How to get son's girlfriend out of my house

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Chuck them both out.

Tell her it's not working out, it's your house and she needs to go. Whether your son goes too is up to him - but don't let wanting to keep him home (why do you want this?) stop you.
You should be er be disrespected in your own home. She's sounds awful.

That sounds like progress, OP, but just in case it isn't, I'd buy a new barrel for the front door lock in case they continue with their abusive behaviour.

At least if you've got that, you can stop them from returning if it all kicks off again.

There doesn't need to be a showdown. It shouldn't be descending into arguments - you're all adults.

Sit them down and tell them you want them to move out.

If they argue, remind them it's your home and that they've been living ther rent free.

The difficulty you're going to have is that, if they've not experienced any boundaries until now, they won't have the respect for you to actually leave.

Of that happens, you wait until they're put at work, put their stuff on the driveway and change the locks.

I had a friend when I was a teenager and their parents had to do that to the eldest brother who was absolutely vile to everyone.

I bumped jnto him about 25 years later and the eldest brother was a totally different person. It had forced him to grow up and take responsibility for himself.

Let’s do a really conservative estimate of what your son should have saved by now.

given your description, I would guess he entered the workforce around age 18. Let’s suppose he is only 21.

8(simplified minimum wage)40(hours a week)50(weeks a year allowing for some gaps)*.30(bare min pct would have spent on housing himself)= 4800
For 3 years = 14400

he should have at least 14400 in savings by now. So why can’t he move out yet?

It is not as black and white as people think when it comes to your own children.

Do you think no one on here has children??

My son moved out at 22. We have, and have always had, a fantastic relationship but he had outgrown living at home and it was obvious from the way things were going that our relationship was straining.

He moved into a flat with a university friend. He's 25 now. We see each other every couple.of weeks and are in contact most days. Children are supposed to become independent and move out to live on their own, yes?

So why do ypu think no one else has ever experienced that?

He may have apologised

but

it is SHE who needs to !!!

Why are people suggesting giving 4wks notice to some jumped up little teenager swearing like she owns the place. Change the locks, if your son goes too he will be back. Stand up to them

Thank you. It is not as black and white as people think when it comes to your own children.

It really is that black and white. But it hurts and forces you to confront your own parenting mistakes. You have a major DS problem - he sounds manipulative and abusive - with his history of violent outbursts, moving his girlfriend in to your house, allowing her behaviour then saying what you want to hear when it is clear you are reaching the end of your tether. You sound like you have blinkers on about him and his behaviour and are focussing on her. They are both untidy, irresponsible and using drugs (and btw, I would bet it is not her influence that started him using). Stop treating him like a precious baby and start holding him accountable as an adult. Both need to go ASAP, locks need to be changed. If he wants to come back, alone, he has to follow the rules.

Have you posted this before? The promise is familiar to me?

So your son just said what you wanted to hear to maintain the status quo...

Nothing is going to change, you know that, right?

No drugs in the house, 100%. Pity your son has chosen to be with someone who is happy to see black teenage young men stabbed to death and Mexicans killed, by taking illegal drugs.

No indirect racist would ever live under my roof.

@55goingon15 on minimum wage living off Bank of Mum and Dad they are in fact mega loaded. Probably at least £1000-£2000 disposable income per month if both working

Fucking grow a pair…

It's also why she shouldn't be given notice. Her verbal abuse is sufficient reason to ask her to leave immediately/the next morning.

I feel so sorry for you that you didn't know in the moment that you could and should make her leave the minute she was rude and disrespectful to you. She's nothing to you. Just someone your son is dating. I know you're scared your son will leave with her but tbh he's not likely to live with you forever anyway and he needs to grow up fast. He can't do that while living in your house.

Sit them down and tell them you need to set out some ground rules and a chores rota. I also think you need to ask them for a financial contribution.

Tell him. Now. That you are very hurt that he didn't stand up for you at the time and that his apology since is fine but there will not be another time and next time if anything of the similar happens again, they will both have to leave. Lay out the rules calmly now.

Have you talked to him about this? whilst you are welcoming, How can he condone anybody speaking to you that way? he should be ashamed.

What was your relationship like before? Did you instill in him Basics? Has he ever behaved this way to you before?

But has she apologised and of not she must go - offer to drop her to her parents for a circuit breaker and to diffuse it but o wouldn’t have her again in my home

He could have been 'doing better' right from the start.

Maybe he's twigged that you've reached breaking point and is trying to keep you onside to provide him with his creature comforts. Do. Not. Be. Fooled.

I'm leaning to 'change the locks when they're at work and leave their stuff outside'. They can go to her parents' and piss them off instead. That they are "miles away" is not your problem. I'd even see it as a plus - the further the better.

"I do worry about my son's state of mind as he has some history of violent outbursts."
All the more reason that he leaves too.

Stop pandering to a grown adult. You have allowed this situation and now you need to put a stop to it. Throw the pair of them out, tonight. Your Son has stood by and let his girlfriend call you awful names, great son isn't he? Change the locks and if you must tell your son he is only welcome back when he has ditched her and grown up. Stop being a doormat.

Her parents are miles away but she does have other options close by (where she was living in a shared house before coming here) so will not be completely homeless.

How is this your problem? Ddi you even invite this young woman into your home? Your OP reads like he just moved her in without even asking. She then proceeds to abuse you and you worry about where she will go?? Who gives a fuck??

I would still put a time limit on their stay...maybe give them 3 months to find their own place (provided they behave themselves)

I know he's your son and you don't want him to leave....but I agree that's what they are counting on and are using it against you.
He is in his 20s and should really be thinking about moving out anyway. But that might just be the wake up call he needs.
Living at home isn't stopping him doing stupid stuff or helping him save money or teaching him independence....maybe a few weeks living with her without your support will be what he needs to realise what a good thing he has at home.