My DD (8) always embarrasses me

I was that child! We were staying in a guest house. A lady was complaining to mum that the kitchen staff were using tea towels then drying them to use again. Mum was agreeing that they should be washed after every use. I piped up "mummy you do that at home". She was mortified.

Your DD was rude, as most 8yos are sometimes. I do think you should've been firmer about correcting her and teaching her that it's bad manners to act like that, but sounds like you know that. There's plenty of time to teach her how to behave and she'll grow out of it.

Oh come on. The child thought OP was lying. Children are taught not to tell lies and don’t automatically know that sometimes you should stay silent whilst they’re told. They have to be taught that, and she has now been taught that. You can’t punish a child for calling out what she believed to be a lie.

OP’s partner, on the other hand, does not need to be taught how disgusting, misogynistic and abusive calling his wife a bitch is. He’s the problem here.

thats arse about face in my experience. Find the strength to deal with him and you will feel better.

Tbh what concerns me is your DH’s attitude - I wonder whether this is a sign that his behaviour is actually coercively controlling and abusive and that this is how your daughter is learning her cues to be rude and accuse you of lying so rudely.

I wonder whether this is what underpins your lack of self confidence and your anxiousness. I wonder whether you need to speak to someone at a women’s support service to get a perceptive on this? If it turns out that the comment you noted in your OP is ‘typical’ of his behaviours, then your self esteem will continue to plummet and your child’s behaviour will recur and, indeed, worsen. And if this is typical, then you need to consider leaving as it will only get worse.

I couldn't agree more

She's only 8 and I think your response is due to anxiety and depression.
Worth seeing a psychologist and do some CBT and mindfulness.

This op. I have an 8yo who would know not to do this.

Be more assertive with your daughter, YOU are in control not her. Next time call her out infront of the other mums, say in a firm voice “No darling that’s not right…and explain why. Or simply say firmly “It’s rude to interrupt while Mummy’s talking to adults” If she does it again, have a consequence in place.

You’re the parent, you are in control.

The real issue is your husband calling you a litttle bitch. That’s weird.

My dd (12) was walking along with me and purposely farted, im sure she knew parent and child from the activity were behind us!
My youngest (9) always ends up crying at minor hurts and has done so the last 3 parties i picked her up from. So there i am trying to chat to another parent and she is there crying (its like still having a toddler).

However my dp is always making up white lies and its infuriating as im always accidentally correcting him ( as he is ocften equally telling people incorrect things)

So perhaps your dd is a bit pedantic.

@Struggle1 i think part of the issue is you won’t start to feel better while your exposed to his treatment like this.he is one of the reasons you are feeling like this and until you connect those thing in your head things won’t feel better.

you need to separate yourself emotionally in the short term so you insulate from rather than absorb the treatment so you can build some resistance and strength to be able to take next steps.

I think your focusing on dd behaviour because that’s something you think you can control as theoretically you are in a position of power in that relationship meanwhile ignoring the treatment from your partner as that feels like you are not in control there and not in a position of even equality never mind any power.

maybe have a think clearly about you situation and start a new thread so you can get some proper advice as this thread I think only cover a little bit of what’s really going on.

just to add though no one should ever talk to you like that, ever!

Nailed.it

Be firmer with your DD and get your 'D'H fucking told - he's a vile cunt and I hope you don't stand for that shite regularly

I feel for you OP. This quote springs to mind:

“Often father and daughter look down on mother together. They exchange meaningful glances when she misses a point. They agree that she is not bright as they are, cannot reason as they do. This collusion does not save the daughter from the mother’s fate.”

At 8 years old, your DD should know better. My DD5 knows not to interrupt unless it’s important, especially not to say something like that. I do agree with others, I would have corrected her right there and then. Maybe even told her it’s rude to interrupt aswell; embarrass her back. You need to be able to nip this behaviour before it gets worse.

Amen

I'd be willing to bet if you changed the him aspect of your life your mental health would VASTLY improve.

Isn’t it crazy how the real problem is nestled right there at the bottom. You have a massive DP problem and that’s most likely where DD is getting it from.

Your daughter and your husband are fucking rude!

You should just sharply correct your daughter at the time. No need to be embarrassed

Exactly this.

You have a DH problem which is being passed on to your DD.

It sounds like you could do with some assertiveness training. Learning how to stand up for yourself in the moment. If my DH called me anything like that I would react very strongly in the moment. 'How dare you call me that ' ..etc.

You probably won't feel better whilst in you remain in your relationship.

Agree with the posters who have said your husband is the real problem here. The way he speaks to you is terrible and it is clearly having an impact on how your daughter, if not both your children, think is an acceptable way to speak to you.

That’s a really hard situation to be in, but if he is this way with you habitually, the children will follow suit and it will get worse as they get older.

Don't leave it too long. The longer you stay with this man the more time your DD has to pick up his ways.

It will get harder to change things with her if you leave it too long.

Your DD may have done you a huge favour here. It took my friends 4 year old DS calling her 'idiot' in direct imitation of his dad to make her realise she had to stop this behaviour going down the generations and raising her own future abuser.

I agree with pp that your daughter is learning to put you down by her father.
Your dh is the problem here. You can show your dd that you (and she!) deserve to be respected, by not putting up with any more disrespect in your marriage. I know it’s not as easy and simple as leave him. But that’s what you need to start planning to do x

Given what your husband called you and the manner in which he treated you I have to say I’m surprised your eight year old daughter’s behaviour is in fact the subject of this thread.
he doesn’t have your back
you don’t have his respect