My DD (8) always embarrasses me

If anything like this happens again calmly explain to your DD, in front of others that you don't appreciate her interrupting you & correct her when she is wrong then pack up your things & leave so she knows you're not putting up with her behaviour. Work on your self confidence too as it sounds like you go to panic mode quite quick.
As for your husband, he's a Dickhead just ignore him.

Your DH was vile and his attitudes will unfortunately be picked up by your DC. As PP I’m concerned about him and it could be easy to start to focus on DD instead of the real issue.

Get the practical help and support you need to get out, you can’t heal when you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, the strength will come from leaving it.

DD is a child and DC do these kind of things (how it is expressed may depend on various individual factors as well such as personality, neuro diversity).

I appreciate it can feel horrible and to some extent you need to try to not take it personally as it’s likely to continue in different forms into teens as part of her developing separate identity from DM.

It’s helpful if you can wait until you are not in an emotionally charged state and tread carefully around how you use this as a teaching point as it’s a fine balance of teaching and shaming (even though shaming isn’t intended).

How much IRL support do you have OP? Have you contacted outside agencies?

I’m guessing your DH/marriage is one of the big reasons why you’re depressed and why your mental health is bad.

It’s a catch 22 situation because you won’t feel better whilst he is there bringing you down and abusing you.

Your children are also taking their cue from him on how to treat you.

I think it’s likely they have heard him call you a ‘weird little bitch’ or other things.

I just saw the part you need to feel better before you can do anything in terms of DH, you won't feel better while you're with him, this is why you are feeling like this and your child is learning from him, the cycle will continue unless you get rid of him.

Maybe if you got rid of your husband you would feel better. I'm sure of that.

There’s an issue they’ve noticed with GP appointments where people will make them and then for 15 or 20 minutes, they’ll talk about the weather or a bit of a twinge in their knee or something else inconsequential, and then when it’s almost time to leave… that’s when they mention the real reason for the appointment. Maybe yhere’s blood in their stool, they have a breast lump, they were assaulted, or they’re being abused.

I don’t think it’s any accident that OP mentions she’s a victim of emotional abuse in the last line of her post. @Struggle1 , today may be tied to what is happening - that your daughter isn’t respecting her mother because she’s mimicking her father’s treatment of you. I think @urbanbuddha had some great ideas of where you could start for help. I know it feels impossible to take that first step when you feel SO low and he makes you feel SO small. The problem is that he’ll never let you get any higher, or any bigger. You have to find the space for yourself. And you can do it. Almost everything grows from the ground up.

What your husband said to you was fricking vile.
Your daughter is 8. She's not sabotaging days out nor would I say she is embarrassing you: you feel embarrassed due to high anxiety.
I have got 6 year old twins - both of whom are ND - and, honestly, some of the stuff she comes out with. 🤦🏼‍♀️ I cringe inwardly but, like me when I was younger (I'm also ND), she says things as she sees them, with very little filter or impulse control. Each time, I just gently, but firmly, remind her not to interrupt or intrude on other people's conversations etc.
I'm not trying to imply either of you are ND, btw! I'd recommend just reminding her of boundaries in the moment and not wait until after the event.
Do you have any support for your anxiety?

Yep

Right then Op, stop - take a breath and listen! There is nothing, I repeat nothing about you that is ‘weird’. You are being gas lit by a man who has some considerable short comings. He has made you doubt and second guess yourself. He had robbed you of your self esteem and your social confidence. You are far far far too good for him in reality. The person who is weird I’m sorry to say is him. He’s going to be a burden to you I’m afraid but the more you can remind yourself of the real dynamic going on here the better you’ll be able to ‘grey rock’ his behaviour and get yourself stronger.

Yes!
If your husband treats you this way, then your daughter has picked up on it. If she does it again, punish her. Take her to one side and tell her there are consequences for her behaviour, and carry them out.
Tell your husband too that this is the case, and he needs to treat you with more respect too.

Op, I think that where as I understand your embarrassment and the need for your child not to get involved in your convo but this is what kids do sometimes.. I don't know why you have taken this as badly as you have and in your post you reference your child trying to sabotage your good day but this is really an awful way to see your child and what's more worrying is you are more offended by this then your partners behaviour. I don't believe as others have said your child is copying your partner.. my guess is your child is just being a typical child however that's not to say the kids don't learn poor behaviour in the home when they see one parent being abusive to another but what you have described is something kids do all the time, now thats not to say you dont have an issue with the way your partner speaks to you!! please remember your child is not out to get you , your child needs you and your love and loves you more then anything I'm sure. On a separate note you need to consider why you are with a man that's obsessed with pleasing his own mum , so obsessed not to be late for her but can't show you an ounce of respect in how he talks to you, to be perfectly honest it doesn't sound like he was just too busy to listen to you, it actually sounds like he's the one trying to sabotage you(using your own lingo here) but doesn't look like you see this...

You need to learn some coping strategies.

Such as at the time of event:
"Darling don't interrupt when I'm speaking."
"Darling we'll discuss this later. You're being rude."
"No, I'll explain it to you later."
"Come outside now."

I think if you're anxious you need to put a time gap space before you speak to your daughter, to collect your thoughts.

You've managed perfectly well on this occasion to think through why your daughter got it wrong - which means you can explain it to her later acting as the adult and parent.

You can explain what's rude and disrespectful.
At age 8 you can also explain diplomacy towards all people, as well as family.

You should also know that generally all mums support and reassure each other when dealing with their children in a group.

HOWEVER, what concerns me most is a lack of respect towards you in your family.

Your partner called you a "weird little bitch"??????????

Children pick up on and watch every little thing, including body language and exchanges between adults.

They were inside the car - you know with windows - and even if they didn;t hear (they did) they saw your husband treat you with complete disrespect. Bet that's not the first time.

Where do you think they're learning their behaviour to disrepsect you?

You need some support and validation and confidence as a parent.

I've just googled parenting classes and support.

theaimgroup.co.uk offers free qualification courses in better parenting.

Family rights group also offers free advice and guidance.

I think if you read up a bit, you'd understand it's not you - that you all contribute to your family dynamic.

And if you approach it in a more pragmatic way, as in relating to text book bad behaviour and how it should be approached professionally, it might give you the confidence to be more assertive.

Willing to bet every single course or advice topic you look up - a fundamental is two parents acting as a team and supporting each other, when it comes to expected good behaviour from children.

Have faith in yourself. Your husband sounds less than wonderful as a co-parent.

I don’t think you should wait to feel better before you do something about your husband, because whilst you are living with an abusive partner, you will never get better. I know because I have been in that situation so speaking from experience. Sending empathy hugs to you as I know you cannot just face up to him and/or leave, you need help. So please contact an organisation that supports Victims of Abuse to help you understand and deal with your situation. My child also copied my ex and disrespected me, it’s what happens.

No wonder your DD questions/back chats you.

She’s learnt how to treat you from her dad.

Why would she show you respect when you don’t get it from your own partner.

Its not her fault, this is what she has learnt.

No wonder your MH is in the toilet.

Please end this awful relationship.

You won't feel better UNTIL you leave him.

Women lose their whole lives like this. Children lose their childhood in abusive households like this.

You'll feel better when you change him.

I don't think it is possible for you @Struggle1 , "to feel any better before anything changes in terms of him".

To begin feeling better about yourself you will need to learn at least how to challenge your DH or at least respond to him calmy without feeling guilty whenever he criticizes you.

I think DD is taking the lead off her DF when it comes to you and how she behaves. Kids pick up on and hear everything. If she has picked up on the way your DH speaks and acts towards you then you need to think about your relationship with him. He sounds abusive and your daughter is following suit. You don’t deserve this. Get rid of that nasty prick of a DH and work on your daughter’s behaviour. Both of them taking you for a ride.

Yes I know I have bigger issues than what my DD says to me but in all honesty I need to feel better before anything changes in terms of him.

It appears it’s easier for you to focus on your DD rather than your H. Which means your DD becomes the scapegoat for the bigger insidious issue or your obnoxious H.

Agreed.

DD is obviously used to seeing DH talk to you like crap and she is doing the same, she has no respect for you. You need to establish boundaries with her, and him. They see you as a shy little mouse and have gotten away with treating you like shit.
Also, DD is used to having your 100% attention and was probably jealous when she saw you talking to somebody else and that she wasn't centre stage for a change, hence her chipping in her two-penneth. You need to firm up with then both.

you won’t feel better until you do something though! You can’t sit there being verbally abused, hoping something will change. You need to ditch him and work on yourself. You will gain strength and confidence and your daughter will look to you as an example, instead of her abusive dad. I truly wish you the best. I did it myself!

With a decent man I'd suggest finding a time to talk where you both have ample time to open up. And where you've both done a bit of self care so you aren't going in hungry or tired... But he isn't a decent man and he doesn't deserve you.

Very harsh. I don't agree sometimes my child behaves like this in a show off way. OP your DD is 8 and you are the parent call your DD out on the spot. Say "please do not involve yourself in adults conversation as it is rude and bad manners" children need to be pulled up on the spot!

As for your partner he's just as silly!