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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he should have a responsible adult?

39 replies

WatermelonWaveclub · 28/04/2024 13:10

An incident happened at my family member's supported accomodation involving him being assaulted by a staff member.

Police are coming today and his house are telling him he can't have a family member with him it needs to be a staff member and it is a private matter. He has LD and serious mental illness and is very easily lead.

I don't think this is right and want to be with him. Help!

OP posts:
Original poster
WatermelonWaveclub · 28/04/2024 13:53

Police have called to say they aren't coming due to an emergency.

I'm thinking of now phoning the police and asking for the interview to happen at the station to take the house staff completely out of it. They were threatening to make me leave and saying I was upsetting my family member by insisting on being present!

OP posts:
MILTOBE · 28/04/2024 13:44

I would want heads to roll if someone told me that I wasn't allowed to be with a vulnerable adult if a member of their staff had assaulted them within my hearing.

In fact once this is dealt with I'd be looking at talking to the press.

Original poster
WatermelonWaveclub · 28/04/2024 13:43

Igmum · 28/04/2024 13:42

Definitely go, it isn't their decision, it is the Police's. I would have serious concerns about them saying this after an incident with a member of staff.

But surely the police can't interview him without someone present?

OP posts:
Igmum · 28/04/2024 13:42

Definitely go, it isn't their decision, it is the Police's. I would have serious concerns about them saying this after an incident with a member of staff.

Original poster
WatermelonWaveclub · 28/04/2024 13:41

MILTOBE · 28/04/2024 13:33

That's terrible. You should take this further.

I hope your family member is OK - it must have been incredibly distressing for them.

It was. It was awful. Luckily I was actually on the phone with him at the time and heard the whole thing.

OP posts:
Ofmince · 28/04/2024 13:39

This happened with my friends nan when she was in a care home with dementia. The home was shocking and ended up being closed down.

Stand firm and insist on being there. The care home staff have no right to tell you that you can't.

Original poster
WatermelonWaveclub · 28/04/2024 13:37

Anon2190 · 28/04/2024 13:14

That sounds absolutely wrong and surely a conflict of interest. I don’t know the legal ins and outs but for want of a better phase, who has legal responsibility for them. Wouldn’t it be next of kin?
I would be tempted to be there when police arrive and get them to document that you weren’t allowed to accompany them.

Appropriate adult. Maybe that is what I am thinking of. Do they have a social worker. Could you call the duty social desk?

Yes, sorry appropriate adult is what I meant. He wants me present and staff have said no. When police arrive he will tell them he wants me present and if the staff try and intervene we will tell them to speak to adult social care.

OP posts:
ineedtostopbeingdramaticfirst · 28/04/2024 13:36

Good for you for advocating 🤛

MILTOBE · 28/04/2024 13:33

That's terrible. You should take this further.

I hope your family member is OK - it must have been incredibly distressing for them.

Original poster
WatermelonWaveclub · 28/04/2024 13:31

Dacadactyl · 28/04/2024 13:12

Who is responsible for the running of the home?

Does your relative have capacity?

Have you rung the out of hours adults services duty team? I would speak to them.

In your shoes I wouldn't be fobbed off.

Edited

A private company runs the house. The manager is awful and tries to sweep everything under the carpet. I have already raised a complaint against this employee that has completely been ignored.

He has capacity in some situations.

I just spoke to adult social care, thank you. They confirmed he can have his next of kin present and it is inappropriate of the house to tell him he can't and insist they are present.

OP posts:
Anon2190 · 28/04/2024 13:14

That sounds absolutely wrong and surely a conflict of interest. I don’t know the legal ins and outs but for want of a better phase, who has legal responsibility for them. Wouldn’t it be next of kin?
I would be tempted to be there when police arrive and get them to document that you weren’t allowed to accompany them.

Appropriate adult. Maybe that is what I am thinking of. Do they have a social worker. Could you call the duty social desk?

Shayisgreat · 28/04/2024 13:13

Hopefully the police will have some procedures around speaking to vulnerable people and having an appropriate adult with them.

Dacadactyl · 28/04/2024 13:12

Who is responsible for the running of the home?

Does your relative have capacity?

Have you rung the out of hours adults services duty team? I would speak to them.

In your shoes I wouldn't be fobbed off.

thanKyouaIMee · 28/04/2024 13:12

Just go! Screw what they're saying, if the police are going it's not really a private matter. Go and support!