Exes wife taking children on holiday

Are they going to be anywhere near water? The one big concern I would have is if they are going to be around swimming-pools or other open water. I would want to discuss adult-child supervision ratios and pool safety in that case.

Edited.

How do you know OP has remarried?

Legally she needs your written consent unless there is a CAO in place.

So you can stop it if you choose to.

If here UK I would feel OK with this .(Also a chance for you and hubby to have quality time together !) At 9 and 11 they are not tiny tots ,If happy they are going then leave them to have a good time

Yanbu. In such circumstances the adults don't have the same commitment to your child as a parent.

My ex lied to me one year, said he'd taken two weeks holiday when he'd only taken one. Apparently the new woman wanted to play at being 'mummy'. Then she got the news that her dad had died, and she abandoned my 8yo ds in a hotel while she flew to be with her family.
Ex couldn't get away. Frightened Ds had to ask the hotel to ring me.

If you don't trust her after 7 years, there must be a reason. I wouldn't be happy but my ex is selfish walking and his new woman is totally self centred.

'Children get on fine with his wife and I believe her family too. '

She's been married to him for 7 years and I think it's lovely of her and her family to include her step children and lovely for the three siblings to go away together.

As long as the children are happy and you trust their step mother what is the problem? I get being told isn't great but they could have just come home and told you after they had been.

One thing though, make sure you (and or your ex) give written permission for her to make decisions while they are in her care.

My cousin broke his arm when he was staying with us. My parents were not allowed to consent to medication, and the hospital would not take consent over the phone from his mum so he had his bone set without anesthetic.

You're not wrong to have feelings about it OP. I would be feeling uncomfortable and probably upset about it all. Your ex has also dealt with this in a really uncaring way. Would he like a man taking the kids away woth his family without you and not so much as a co versatile with you about it??
Do you have a relationship with his wife? Feel comfortable reaching out to her etc?

If you completely trust her and think the kids would enjoy it, you should see it as a bonus.

I'd be wanting reassurance thar she genuinely doesn't mind taking them and it's not a childcare issue. If it's a childcare thing he should be asking you first if you can look after them.

Why is this misogynistic?

If they are spending time with their step mum alone without their dad when you would be willing and able to have them it's really bad and is part of the new misogyny in the UK system.

At 11 and 9 if the children were fine with this then I would be too. Theve known her along time and her child / their half sibling will be going too. It’s nice they are being treated equally.

You've missed the point op isn't suggesting everything needs permission she's saying the kids are being taken away on hols with just step parent and her family , her ex isn't going. She's concerned, she's their mother she's just checking on their welfare!

My main issue would be about PR if anything should happen esp if abroad

Well she's treating them the same as would her own DC.....isn't that what SM's are supposed to do according to MN?

Honestly us SM's are damned if we do and damned if we don't.

Step parents really can’t win, they go on holidays with only their biological children and they are mean and uncaring.

they go with all of the child and it’s uncomfortable.

yes your ex should have asked and maybe there is a story to why he told you instead but overall you children are being treated as equals.

This. It’s really refreshing to see.

I do actually understand that you feel like you should have been 'asked' rather than 'told'.

But if you'd been asked and said 'no' I would have said you are being unreasonable!

I mean this kindly but I don't think this is a battle you need to have.

I've responded to another poster, but it's due to too many things that could go wrong and no one with PR to agree to treatment etc if required. I personally would never allow someone other than a parent to take my children abroad. Yes, that may be different to others but no one will take care of my children and make sure they are safe better than a parent and being abroad just adds a layer of complexity that I'm not comfortable with. What if they hated it and wanted to come home? Their father or I would not be easily able to get them, what if they ran off, what if they were hurt.

Unless there’s a reason you wouldn’t want them to go, I’d try and get over the ‘asking/ telling’ issue and be excited for them. Also a massive help for you during the holidays I imagine.

Just think how much difference it will make for future relations if you reply “wow that’s really lovely of her thank you the kids will be thrilled” instead of questioning why you weren’t asked about it.

He shouldn't say it's nothing to do with you as it's his time. If it's his time where the hell is he going to be? You need to give permission. The holiday itself sounds good, but it's the fact you weren't asked.

Too many things could go wrong and there would not be a parent with PR there to agree to treatment or such like. I personally would never allow someone who is not their parent to take my children abroad, certainly not until they were old enough to advocate for themselves.

As long as the kids are happy, then isn't it great that they are being included!

How often it's fractious that step children are excluded?

She's been married to their father for most of their lives; it seems fine, as long as there's no drip feed or other reason you feel uncomfortable?

Why are people saying she should have been asked, not told? If it's something happening entirely on ex's time, then it's up to him what he does with the children, surely?

What if she said no, then what? What are reasonable grounds for her to say no and how would that lead to peaceful coparenting?