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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have found my first mammogram really upsetting?

711 replies

YompingJo · 28/04/2024 07:11

Got a letter through with very basic details if an appointment. Turned up and found the whole thing demeaning. Tiny room, intimidating machine taking up most of it. The radiologist was monosyllabic and bossy and manhandled me into the right position including grabbing each breast and shoving it into position, pushing other bits of my body out of the way, not once asking first. I know it's a necessary procedure, but a bit of sensitivity would have gone a long way, and having the respect to ask for consent before grabbing a breast is a basic consideration. I'm autistic and needed to know much more what to expect beforehand. The letter gave a way to request assistance in the case of SEN, but I don't consider myself to have SEN and didn't know what I'd need until I was right there, so that wasn't any help. There was a QR code for feedback, which I gave but I just feel... invaded and demeaned. AIBU?

OP posts:
tortietheshell · 28/04/2024 07:41

I had a really unpleasant nurse do mine a couple of years ago, she was brusque, manhandled me and just didn’t want to ‘chat’ at all! My last mammogram was completely different! A truly lovely nurse, clearly very caring and explained everything as she did it! Made the whole thing less uncomfortable, mentally and physically!

Please don’t dwell too much on this particular experience, you know what to expect for next time (regarding the actual mammogram itself) and it’s highly unlikely you’ll see the same unpleasant nurse again!

Beargrumps22 · 28/04/2024 07:40

I had my mammogram this week and though it can be a bit embarrassing having your breasts handled they have to do it to get the best picture. being a large lady I had to have my nipples done separately which was not too good having my nipples pressed between the plates, but I am just grateful for having a chance to be examined and if necessary getting treatment in time

underscorer · 28/04/2024 07:40

aerkfjherf · 28/04/2024 07:14

you are so fortunate to be in a country where this service is offered, just be grateful it has been done. It isn't fun in any circumstances, but it is a real privilege to get it

Sorry but this is bollocks.

First, we pay for the service via our taxes; it's not "luck".

Second, it's totally reasonable to expect a modicum of courtesy from any healthcare provider. Grunting monosyllables and shoving someone into place rather than treating them with the bare minimum of dignity isn't acceptable.

Original poster
YompingJo · 28/04/2024 07:37

daisychain01 · 28/04/2024 07:23

I wonder if what you described was your perception rather than what happened. Perhaps your distress took over? I have not reason to disbelieve you but I have never ever known anyone in the NHS doing breast screening to be anything other than courteous informative and almost apologetic at the discomfort. The fact they are always women doing the screening does give them a sense of empathy.

lets hope your feedback gives them the opportunity to investigate with the specific technician who did your screening as I expect it's extremely rare and they'll be able to clarify the situation.

next time do be very clear with them that you have a ND condition so they bear that in mind and give you extra information and reassurance.

I'm glad the experience is normally more positive! I think I experienced one of the women who lack sensitivity. And yes, next time I will be clearer, now I know I need to be. I have done in the past with other things but nothing about this suggested there would be that need in this instance

OP posts:
Bestyearever2024 · 28/04/2024 07:36

I've only ever been treated kindly at my mammograms

The radiographer DOES have to handle you and push and prod and 'shift around' bits of you

I've always been told what she was going to do as she did it..... "Mrs Best, I'm going to push your left breast, and it might feel unpleasant, and it will feel very tight."

No radiographer has EVER asked my permission to touch my body.....I gave that permission by agreeing to the mammogram

I'd also consider how MANY women that radiographer has to deal with each day, cut her some slack, and feel grateful that the NHS is looking after you

However, if your experience was as awful for you as you describe, complain to PALS

LittleBooThang · 28/04/2024 07:36

YompingJo · 28/04/2024 07:23

I wasn't anxious, that's the point - nothing in the letter suggested it would be how it was so there was no reason to ring up and request support. I'm not generally an anxious person at all, I take things in my stride and have a ton of resilience.

Show quote history

I never mentioned you being anxious.

You explicitly said:

I'm autistic and needed to know much more what to expect beforehand.

So if that’s the case, and you need to know much more, then the onus is on YOU to do the research to find out.

HoppingPavlova · 28/04/2024 07:35

If you have never had a mammogram before, surely you would have Googled? The fact is that they involve nudity, are uncomfortable (painful for many women), and generally involve manual manipulation of the breast to get it into position before it’s ‘crushed’ by the machine. A 2 second Google reveals this so there should be no need for the appointment letter to spell it out. As an earlier poster said it’s actually a privilege to be able to have these (for free) as an early screening tool.

I’m always distracted by the agonising cramps in the rest of my body that has been contorted to get the breasts into the right position to worry about whether the radiographer is displaying social niceties or not.

Original poster
YompingJo · 28/04/2024 07:34

Petrine · 28/04/2024 07:21

The Radiographer has to position the breast to get clear images. Surely you know that a breast scan is going to involve manipulation of your breasts?

Yes, I have a brain and knew to expect that. What I didn't expect was not being asked first (we bang on and on to our kids about the importance of consent fgs) and the total lack of sensitivity.

OP posts:
Original poster
YompingJo · 28/04/2024 07:32

BatshitCrazyWoman · 28/04/2024 07:20

I'm sorry you had that experience. I've always in the past had very respectful and kind women doing my mammograms. Until the last one, who was as you describe, cold, unfriendly, lots of 'orders' ('move' 'lift' 'get dressed'). Very unpleasant. Actually I wish I had complained, it's a pretty intimate thing, a decent 'bedside' manner is not a lot to ask. Might go private next time.

Yes, that's exactly what I found hard - it's an intimate procedure (somehow more intimate than a smear test I think, because those are very clinical) but there was no sensitivity given to that.

OP posts:
Original poster
YompingJo · 28/04/2024 07:30

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 28/04/2024 07:17

Consent should have been requested and they should not have just man handled you.

Right? And I love your username!

OP posts:
Cattyisbatty · 28/04/2024 07:30

Mammograms aren’t pleasant. When I had mine a couple of years ago I thought ‘thank goodness that’s over for another few years’ until I was recalled! Thankfully all was well but I did find it a bit if a conveyor belt at the initial screening and it’s very business-like - get the boob in etc. I don’t think the radiographer was rude, just a bit matter of fact.
when I went to the breast clinic everyone was lovely so I think it’s just the nature of having to get through the day’s boobs as it were (although there’s no room for rudeness I do understand why they’re not chatty - they shouldn’t be grabbing boobs though without permission).

daisychain01 · 28/04/2024 07:30

Bearintheredhat · 28/04/2024 07:21

As someone who lost both breasts last year to breast cancer I can say that those machines were designed by a man.
no women would invent such a machine.

The take away from this OP is that if you want to be treated as if you have SEN you need to tell them you have SEN.

What a ludicrous thing to say, borne out of misandry. Yes, let's vilify those amazing researchers who have saved millions of lives. I for one am fine with the momentary discomfort, for the huge benefits that mammograms bring. I don't stand there seething that a man made me suffer, ffs.

only on MN...

Original poster
YompingJo · 28/04/2024 07:30

Doingmybest12 · 28/04/2024 07:19

It sounds like the service wasn't great in terms of communication but there is so much information freely available about what it involves. I think it might be a good habit to check things like this out on line first or ring ahead if you know your ASD means it's hard to always take things in your stride. I think it's well known it can be pretty unpleasant, potentially uncomfortable and very upclose and personal.

It wasn't well known by me and I'm not uninformed about most things. It was the brusque, impersonal, insensitive manner of the radiographer that was the issue, and research would not have revealed that.

OP posts:
Glazedchristmasham · 28/04/2024 07:29

I've had ones like that and it's just horrible, especially if you're on the well endowed side. Please don't be put off from having them in the future Op, they're not all like that. I just have to grin & bear it and remember that it's important to check and get early detection.

Agree that those bloody machines are clearly designed by a man, a sadistic bugger at that! One time I had a scan and they'd put up a cartoon of what the machine would do to a man if god was a woman! The humour helped with the situation 😂

Original poster
YompingJo · 28/04/2024 07:28

Mercurial123 · 28/04/2024 07:18

YABVU. If you are anxious about a medical appointment, you need to find out everything you can before the appointment. I've never been asked for consent. It's a given that's what you're there for. Manage ways to cope with your anxiety.

I'm not at all anxious, and walked into it confidently. I have turned up to hospital to have minor operations alone and driven home afterwards. But the letter gave me no idea of what to expect, so I had no idea I would find it so hard. __

OP posts:
StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 28/04/2024 07:28

I'm totally with you OP. They should have been more sensitive and more understanding and yes asked for consent. I think from now on just book the SEN support just in case.

NigelHarmansNewWife · 28/04/2024 07:27

Freakinfraser · 28/04/2024 07:19

Surely you knew why you were there? I think, and I mean this gently, please ask for assistance next time ahead. You need to use your words. Good luck.

This is an awful, condescending response.

OP I think this was an occasion when you should have sought help. Mammograms are horrible and uncomfortable, verging on the painful. The staff I have encountered have all been lovely and very considerate and you shouldn't have had such a bad experience.

RaininSummer · 28/04/2024 07:27

Its not a pleasant procedure but I have always felt the nurses positioned me with courtesy and kindness. I am sorry your nurse seemed harsh and unfeeling but other than feeding this back, the procedure is done. It's quick and not often so hopefully next time you know the routine and will have a nicer nurse.

Original poster
YompingJo · 28/04/2024 07:25

Bearintheredhat · 28/04/2024 07:21

As someone who lost both breasts last year to breast cancer I can say that those machines were designed by a man.
no women would invent such a machine.

The take away from this OP is that if you want to be treated as if you have SEN you need to tell them you have SEN.

I'm sorry for your experience. I think I'm asking to be treated with dignity and that's not what happened. That's my issue.

OP posts:
Freakinfraser · 28/04/2024 07:24

Doingmybest12 · 28/04/2024 07:23

When people say 'use your words' are you meaning to be rude and talking to people like they are 3. It's become a trend on here. Better to say say 'just ask' or 'talk to someone'.

Show quote history

Don’t be ridiculous, honestly. You can’t decide in your own head what is better, for me, it is all the same, good lord.

Original poster
YompingJo · 28/04/2024 07:23

LittleBooThang · 28/04/2024 07:14

If you needed to know more of what to expect you could have rang them up and asked them, or at the very least googled and done your own research.

I wasn't anxious, that's the point - nothing in the letter suggested it would be how it was so there was no reason to ring up and request support. I'm not generally an anxious person at all, I take things in my stride and have a ton of resilience.

OP posts:
Doingmybest12 · 28/04/2024 07:23

Freakinfraser · 28/04/2024 07:19

Surely you knew why you were there? I think, and I mean this gently, please ask for assistance next time ahead. You need to use your words. Good luck.

When people say 'use your words' are you meaning to be rude and talking to people like they are 3. It's become a trend on here. Better to say say 'just ask' or 'talk to someone'.

BonzoGates · 28/04/2024 07:23

"I'm autistic and needed to know much more what to expect beforehand. The letter gave a way to request assistance in the case of SEN, but I don't consider myself to have SEN and didn't know what I'd need until I was right there, so that wasn't any help."

I think you are being unreasonable - if you need more information before hand as a rule you should have contacted the hospital.

daisychain01 · 28/04/2024 07:23

I wonder if what you described was your perception rather than what happened. Perhaps your distress took over? I have not reason to disbelieve you but I have never ever known anyone in the NHS doing breast screening to be anything other than courteous informative and almost apologetic at the discomfort. The fact they are always women doing the screening does give them a sense of empathy.

lets hope your feedback gives them the opportunity to investigate with the specific technician who did your screening as I expect it's extremely rare and they'll be able to clarify the situation.

next time do be very clear with them that you have a ND condition so they bear that in mind and give you extra information and reassurance.

Ineffable23 · 28/04/2024 07:22

That sounds very unpleasant and I agree you should send some feedback. Maybe you could also take someone with you another time? I had a very bad experience with a smear test, and if I ever go again (I doubt I will) then I would be taking someone with me.

Edited for grammar.