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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I the bitch?

209 replies

margolyes · 28/04/2024 05:54

My older sister and I have never really got on. Now one of our very elderly parents is in hospital we are alternating care between us of our mum. Dad is in hospital. They are both in their late 80's and have lived on their own until Dad's health problem 2 weeks ago.
I look after mum during the week and my sister is supposed to have her on the weekend.
Context - my sister is older and most definitely the favourite but I have got over that long ago.
Sister works 6 hours a day 3 days ( Tues, wed, thursday).
I don't work - long story
My sister also sells things at a market stall on a weekend.
This weekend is a very important market so I will have mum from Monday and all week and weekend. I have agreed not to go to my son's 30th to accomodate this.
When I told her it's ok, don't stress about this upcoming market as I won't go to my son's 30th I thought she would be pleased.
I explained that I would have my sons and their gf's at my place the following weekend instead
She says,
Mum wants to come to the market one day but I cant take her as I leave early in the morning so you will have to do that.
AND
The following weekend we are going interstate to see (her) daughter so Mum will be with you that weekend too.

I know I sound like a bitcj but my mum has terrible dementia mainly shown by short term memory loss. . So will repeat the same question at least 5 times in 2 minutes. Seriously. To add insult to injury she say "poor sister's name, she's so busy" I have to shove my fist in my throat. Always the same 5 questions. None involving me, just my sister. My darling 12 year old is so patient. Much more than me but it's not appropriate for him to see her bursting into tears twice an hour at least. Not even sure what I'm asking. Just venting I guess.
I told my sister she was unreasonable to expect me to mind mum next week and weekend ( the market) and the next week and the following weekend( visit to her daughter 1 hour flight away).
This is shite.
Crying.
My poor Dad who was a uni professor can't get a word out and is just lying in bed.
Sorry for ramble .
I am looking for retirement villages /nursing homes starting tomorrow.
Mum thinks she is going home ( and the nice ambulancemen will carry him up the stairs) .
I've probably posted in the wrong section.

OP posts:
LoudSnoringDog · 28/04/2024 06:27

Why don’t you work? What’s the “long story”?

Finlesswonder · 28/04/2024 06:24

IWantOut29 · 28/04/2024 06:09

So because she doesnt work she isnt entitled to any of those weekends for her and her family? Give over

Show quote history

Have you ever had a job before?

Work is exhausting.

I'd be massively pissed off if I had a sister who was sat around not working all day who begrudged taking on most of the care.

Original poster
margolyes · 28/04/2024 06:21

MFF2010 · 28/04/2024 06:05

You can't make your sister do it but it's shit she's landed you in this position. Are there any other family members who could come over to give you some breaks? 💐

No other family members within about 2 hours drive or flight.

OP posts:
Original poster
margolyes · 28/04/2024 06:19

Yes I understand about the 2 jobs. My sister is also very much wealthier than me if that makes a difference. The "market" is just mainly for fun. Her DP earns a fortune as a FIFO ( Fly in Fly out) worker at mines. I do have an "excuse" for not working but it is what it is. I just thought just telling me that she was away the following weekend without even asking me was incredibly rude. I wouldn't do it to her. I'd make sure everything was sorted. I'd ask her first . We are different types of people. Probably shouldn't have started this thread. Never goes well on MN when you are being a sook.

OP posts:
Sparklfairy · 28/04/2024 06:13

Finlesswonder · 28/04/2024 06:03

You don't work and your sister has 2 jobs

That doesn't give the sister the right to dictate OP's caring schedule, which is exactly what she's doing.

OP I think your plan to look for nursing homes is a good one, although I suspect your sister will be difficult about the cost. My nan's children were completely resistant to a care home when her dementia got really bad, but three out of the four (including my arse of a dad) also refused to help with any care. My poor aunt was the one doing it all. She moved in with her mum, and my nan would escape out of the window in the middle of the night, leave the cooker on, attack my aunt while she was driving... I know how tough it is when siblings push the responsibility onto one.

IWantOut29 · 28/04/2024 06:09

Finlesswonder · 28/04/2024 06:03

You don't work and your sister has 2 jobs

So because she doesnt work she isnt entitled to any of those weekends for her and her family? Give over

Squirrelsonthescaffolding · 28/04/2024 06:07

Sorry you’re having a hard time, I am also juggling /feeling torn between elderly parents and my children. It’s also sometimes difficult to be on the same page as siblings and share care fairly, particularly when someone just tells you what they’re doing and you have to pick up the pieces. Sounds like it might be time to find more support as you say. Hope it goes ok discussing with your sister.

MFF2010 · 28/04/2024 06:05

You can't make your sister do it but it's shit she's landed you in this position. Are there any other family members who could come over to give you some breaks? 💐

Finlesswonder · 28/04/2024 06:03

You don't work and your sister has 2 jobs

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