Have I just been dumped before we even began ??

They were on a third date...

Then why isn't OP creepy for asking him about a threesome with a man?

I repeat: discussing fantasies with a potential sexual partner in the context of a conversation where that partner has brought it up is not creepy. It's seeing whether you might be compatible.

You've said your boundary is light but exclusive.

He's keeping it light.

He mentioned his fantasy, not your thing, and said he won't bring it up again.

I think you need to wait and see and communicate in your usual way. It's unclear that this is a brush off.

your post would be somewhat valid if they met on a hook up site and were laying down boundaries

but that isn’t the case at all

a man who is bringing up shagging another woman with you ON A FIRST DATE where normal people are discussing their paddleboarding holidays or how much they like South Indian cooking- is a sleazeball

@Flickersy

You really don't think him telling her he wants threesome is creepy? He's literally just scoping out women who will indulge his threesome fantasy. You have a very low bar if you think it's not weird.

I don’t get it.

you had you ‘hoped’ that he would text to suggesting to ‘see where it goes’?

The man who is clearly using OLD to forge himself a threesome?

why?

FGS the posts on here.

Discussing a fantasy in a conversation where it has been brought up by a potential sexual partner is not creepy.

Once I said to him in person, that it would never happen with me, he immediately said that he respected that and it would never be brought up again.

He does not sound awful, a sleazeball, or a player to me.

OP, if you want to see him again you need to tell him. Ask him for a coffee. If you don't want to see him again, make it clear.

Well, what do you think?

The fact he raised it so soon is rather telling. Probably the tip of the iceberg.

For someone so not bothered, you do seem bothered.

I think you just dumped him, did you not, by being perfectly clear you are not there to indulge his fantasies. You did the right thing.

You had a lucky escape!

This!! Creep.

Depends on whether it’s a dealbreaker for you. If it is, ok to mention on the first date but you need to expect large numbers of people won’t want to continue (the point of mentioning it early is to weed those people out).

If it isn’t a dealbreaker, mentioning on the first date looks a lot less like “I’m into you and btw this is a fantasy I have” and a lot more like “this date is just a cover for me to find a threesome partner for me and my not-previously-mentioned wife”

I think it depends on the circumstances in which you met and the intentions of the dates... are you dating to find a long term relationship or for sex? Did you find each other on Feeld or Hinge? There's a lot more in it imo.

Atleast he brought it up before you slept together. I'd have been really pissed off if I slept with someone who ultimately then told me he wanted threesomes. I think he's done you a favour

Sounds like you wanted validation that of course he still wanted you.

You've done yourself a favour by telling how you felt and I hope you can see that. Maybe think about why you want someone who isn't right for you to want you.

Yes you have. And you should be grateful! He sounds awful.

For someone who wants something light - you're very intense, overthinking it all and quite hard work it ses to me

If you're still keen after everything that was said, don't give him an 'out'

It's passive aggressive

He sounds grim. Threesome chat on a third date - 🤢 I’m glad I’m married to a vanilla man if this is what’s out there.
Let him have his fantasies with someone else!

Given that was the only thing that seemed to do the trick for him it should've been on his profile. Of course he wouldn't put it on there because very few would date him.

Creepy man grossed you out, you stated a boundary, and now you're worried he's dumped you? He's not the last man on earth and sounds distinctly unappealing.

@utsjustnavy it depends to me on the context of your dating. Was it say a match on Feeld where the expectation is mostly sex and people tend to talk about kinks early on as well it’s basically a bit of a hook up site. Then I don’t think it is odd you talking fantasies so early on and that you can’t meet his fantasy likely “dumped” If it was a more typical date with a view to go to LTR then it seems early for him to bring it up and you’ve escaped.

Because he had no initial interest in a twosome with OP

by date 3 he would have suggested that they looked for their unicorn 🥱