Have I just been dumped before we even began ??

The comments you haven't even had sex before it was mentioned. For me glad I didn't because I wouldn't sleep with someone who wanted these other fantasies. Either way that convo would have ended it for me

Second date and already he'd discussing having someone else in the bedroom with you?

Yeah, big ick.

I'd be ending it there.

How on earth would anyone on here know?
Ask him if you want to know the answer 🙄

No, he sounds gross and desperate for (crap) sex. Loads of men online like it. They claim otherwise- they want relationships of whatever form but really it's just sex. The conversation wouldn't have turned to his boring kinks so early otherwise. Seedy. Move on. Common or garden sleaze.

This all seems to have moved very quickly given you want a “light” relationship. It got sordid straight off the bat it seems. Yuck.

I would say he didn't give a damn about your wants, more likely.

OP, I did online dating a few years ago (now been happily together with someone for 2.5 years). I met some creeps in my time - one was in dom/sub stuff. I was ruthless I would sometimes get up from my dates and leave and explain why. Many were so persistent that they would try to make me change my mind (then I would block and delete). This creep is telling you that you're a sex object and you're not enough - please forget him and keep your dignity

So basically he was angling for a three some from practically the get go.

good riddance!

Honestly, I think his 'let's keep in touch' is really saying I'll keep you on hold for a possible future hook up when he feels like a shag 🤷‍♀️

I mean, I’m fairness to this bloke (who would also very much not be to my taste) at least he was upfront about what he wants.

I’d think a lot worse of him if he had slept with the OP and allowed their relationship to develop further before springing the threesome idea on her.

At least she gets to walk away now without wasting any time or feeling manipulated.

Because that's literally what op asked about.

Why does it matter who dumped who?

There is bugger all point asking us, OP. It's him you need to talk to.

What was the basis of the convo, titillation about abstract fantasies before sleeping together and he didn't really expect it to happen or a heads up that he was really in the market for that?

It's a funny one in that it's a totally bog standard male fantasy, unimaginative even, but I suppose becomes rather niche if they're expecting to find a female romantic partner equally and seriously keen on the idea (unless you're on specialist sites). A third party is a knotty proposition.

So in person, you shut it down and he agreed to let it go.

You then raised it again post date. I think there was a reason for that and you weren't feeling fully comfortable.

I would say it was a mutual dropping the rope, rather than you being dumped.

Doesn’t sound like you’ve been dumped. Which is kind of a shame as personally I wouldn’t want to see him again after the threesome chat and his attitude.

If trying a threesome is important to him, surely it's better to find out early on, before you're too involved. It's just part of finding out if you're compatible or not. It's the sort of thing I would want to find out early on, because I don't want to end up with someone who isn't into the same things I am. And finding out if you're compatible is the point of dating.

If you're still keen ask him for another date. Otherwise, block him. Most of them will get back in touch otherwise, probably months down the line, when they're drunk and horny. I usually find this amusing, but many don't, and blocking prevents it.

He thought you were meeting as shag buddies, you thought you were meeting for a potential relationship. When he’s realised that you gave him an out and he took it. Seems pretty straightforward.

Not sure why you care, clearly you’re both looking for different things.

He told you who he was and what he was looking for. You told him this wasn't what you wanted. He's (politely and kindly) drawn things to a close.

Sounds like he's looking for someone for a threesome. Your messages sound like you dumped him, not the other way round. Making it clear youre not into his fantasy and that its perfectly ok if he doesn't want to continue meeting up - sounds like he's taking you at your word.

If that wasn't what you meant, and you still wanted to see him even if he accepts you don't want a threesome, then you should have said that.

I think in terms of kinks, a no strings attached threesome is pretty tame. He's been upfront, he's accepted her no, hasn't tried to pressurise her - can't really see what he's done wrong. Lots of people do use OLD to find casual sex. Just because i personally wouldn't have a threesome it doesn't make a fully consensual, no strings attached threesome a bad thing.

He's married and hoping you would be the third!