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Original poster

Ex friend text to tell me what a horrible person I am

190 replies

feelo · 27/04/2024 23:05

I met friend through work and we were good friends but the friendship did slowly drift and then lockdown happened and then I got a new job so it didn’t help and we spoke occasionally.

Last year I arranged to meet up with her and I asked so much about her, her upcoming wedding, new dog and she asked me nothing. Months later I asked if she wanted to meet for coffee and on the morning she cancelled because she’d fallen down the stairs and hurt her wrist.

In truth it was a really bad time in my life and I was really depressed and I just felt the friendship only existed because I put the effort in and I just didn’t respond. Which yes is 100% wrong of me and selfish but it wasn’t to be malicious.

A year goes by and today she text me (a reallllly long text) saying how horrible I am and her wrist is still messed up and I never checked in on her and that she hopes I never get injured and she doesn’t want a response to this, she just wants me to know our friendship is over.

I’ve just felt horrible since that message (sinking feeling) and I’d rather she came to me earlier and said what I did hurt her, rather than sit on for a year and blow up.

OP posts:
BoredAuditor · 27/04/2024 23:37

WigglyVonWaggly · 27/04/2024 23:15

You can ignore it, or you may wish to reply but either way she’s been pretty self absorbed. Why didn’t she message to check you were ok after suddenly not hearing from you?

Tell her you’re sorry but you had major issues going on in your life - that were more significant than her wrist - and you’d have told her about them if you’d met. Then agree that perhaps your friendship has run its course and reminder her that the last time you did meet, she took virtually no interest in you.

Agree completely

anon4net · 27/04/2024 23:34

I would either ignore it or send a nice message saying you are sorry she's struggled and respect her decision and of course wish her well. I wouldn't explain, I would simply wish her well in the world.

I have a friend who did similar to me b/c I didn't comment on her woes about her marriage. While she was angry about my not responding, I was in hospital for months (most of a year) with my new baby who was born expected to be palliative and survived against all odds and many many operations. I wasn't on Facebook chatting to anyone for obvious reasons. Any time I wasn't with the baby (maybe 2-3 hrs a week) I was visiting with my other children whose whole lives were thrown into turmoil as Mummy was suddenly gone.

If I haven't heard from someone I always assume something is up, whether it's really massive more overt things like what we went through with the baby, or it's more hidden things (mental health). I've learned to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. You just never know.

meganorks · 27/04/2024 23:27

It's a bit weird not to respond in some way if someone says they can't meet because they injured themselves. But it sounds like you just didn't really care as you had had enough of the relationship.

At this stage you only options are forgot about it and not respond. Or tell the truth about why you didn't. There's no point feeling bad about it. Or making a grovelling apology. What if you accidentally ended up back in a 1 sided friendship you don't want?!

bloodyeffinnora · 27/04/2024 23:25

she's all me me me, just ignore her

UnNiddeRides · 27/04/2024 23:24

If you’ve had no contact with each other for a year then I’d just ignore her message as she’s not someone that you’ll miss.

Allthegoodnamesaregone1 · 27/04/2024 23:24

You were not horrible at all.
It doesn't sound like you were even friends.
Just aquentences.

I'd honestly send back

👍🏻

And then block her.

exomoon · 27/04/2024 23:21

TwattyMcFuckFace · 27/04/2024 23:13

Well it was a horrible thing to do and you admit you were selfish.

Not sure why it took her a year to get it off her chest though.

How was OP horrible and selfish?

The other woman never contacted OP, she expected OP to do all the running.

Guavafish1 · 27/04/2024 23:18

You should have messaged her about the wrist.

Seems like she is emotional dumping on you and you should in truth tell her how you feel. It will give you some closure.

WigglyVonWaggly · 27/04/2024 23:15

You can ignore it, or you may wish to reply but either way she’s been pretty self absorbed. Why didn’t she message to check you were ok after suddenly not hearing from you?

Tell her you’re sorry but you had major issues going on in your life - that were more significant than her wrist - and you’d have told her about them if you’d met. Then agree that perhaps your friendship has run its course and reminder her that the last time you did meet, she took virtually no interest in you.

TwattyMcFuckFace · 27/04/2024 23:13

Well it was a horrible thing to do and you admit you were selfish.

Not sure why it took her a year to get it off her chest though.

exomoon · 27/04/2024 23:10

She’s a limp wristed twat, ignore her!

Ssssssssh · 27/04/2024 23:10

I would ignore it.

Tutifruitie · 27/04/2024 23:09

Tell her as you’ve told us you were depressed.

Ginkypig · 27/04/2024 23:09

She’s looking for a reaction so unless you want to keep the friendship going don’t respond.

my feeling is nothing you say from your own perspective will make any difference because she doesn’t want to hear it, she wants you to acknowledge how bad you’ve been to her and grovel for forgiveness.

if she did want to hear things from your perspective she would have at least asked why to check if there was a reason why you treated her so (in her opinion) poorly

determinedtomakethiswork · 27/04/2024 23:08

She sounds insane! She's really been chewing on that for a year?