Ex friend text to tell me what a horrible person I am

Falling down the stairs and hurting her wrist did not stop her from having a coffee with you, she could of just invited you to hers and pointed at the kettle!

Give over FFS.

The poor woman broke her wrist and that probably wasn't the only thing that hurt!

You must be very needy towards your friends if you think they should still do coffee after falling down the stairs!

You can't change the fact you didn't acknowledge her or wish her well, or that you were ill at the time.

But it never occured to her to check in on you, find out if you were ok when she didn't hear back, did it.

It's all about her.

Those aren't friends.

Ignore, block, move on.

Just ignore her text and move on.

I would give a brief explanation about why you didn't respond, whatever will give you closure, and leave it there.

You don’t sound like you were a very good friend and if you were so depressed that you admit that you wasn’t in your right frame of mind and the police had to get involved, then it’s very likely you were not as good of a friend as you thought you were.

There are definitely 2 sides to this story and I can imagine hers is very different to yours.

It was a very shitty thing not to reply to someone who has just injured themselves and it’s a glimpse of how selfish the depression was making you at the time.

Instead of hoping your friend was ok or checking on her, you actually felt wronged that she now couldn’t make it and made it about yourself.
You didn’t care that she was physically hurt, you just cared about missing out.

Of course this wasn’t intentional but you were the one not being a good friend and I can see why she was so hurt.

She was absolutely right to call you out on your behaviour but it’s really odd that she’s chosen to do it now.
Perhaps something has reminded her of her injury or something and it’s triggered how hurt she felt.

I would apologise for your behaviour and not checking in with her and say what you’ve said on here about it being one sided (although I can imagine it wasn’t).

You can both get closure and be done with the friendship once and for all.

Falling down the stairs and hurting her wrist did not stop her from having a coffee with you, she could of just invited you to hers and pointed at the kettle! You were not being unfair, you got sick of doing the running. And thats ok!

I would text her back to be honest. Explain, Tell her very clearly that while you were sorry she had hurt herself, but you were going through mental health hell and back and if she was interested she would of known that. That You're not having a go, but it's very clear you have different ideas of friendship and that's ok. But that doesn't mean you're anymore of a bad person than she is, for constantly cancelling plans and not having any interest in her friends lives.

Im a good friend once you have me, but I have done exactly the same with two friends in particular, for similar reasons. No doubt they think the same of me and im now fine with that, life is short, to short to spend it upset that the people in your life dont reciprocate the thought you put into them, or the effort it takes to keep your friendship alive amidst the chaos of work, kids and everything else we have to deal with around it.

You've had no contact for a year - and she's been stewing on this for an entire year?
Yeah, whatever. Ignore her.

Honesty is the best policy. It sounds like you were both having a bad time. Why not tell her and see if you can rekindle your friendship if you want to?

I would reply. I'd respond that you were struggling at that time with depression and that actually a friendship is a two way street and she didn't reach out to check if you were OK either. That instead of stewing on this for over a year she could have said so at the time and that whilst you are glad she has aired her feelings it was time for you to state yours and that the friendship is over and you don't expect to hear from her again. At this point I'd block her and move on op.

When you didn’t reply, she could easily have messaged again a week or two later saying “Are you okay? I was worried when you didn’t reply to my last message.” Instead, she leapt to the assumption that you didn’t give a toss about her and then waited a YEAR to tell you she thinks you’re a bitch. That says a lot about her.

I'd be tempted to reply “You have simply reminded me why I ditched you in the first place”. Pity she’s not a bloke - you could have gone with “Your wrist’s probably hurting because you’re such a wanker”.

She obviously wants some closure and you're entitled to it too. Maybe reply and say what you've said here.

@anon4net What an awful time you had. Your poor family x

I had a friend send me a 6 part message on FB (like every part was so long it got cut off!) on why I was a horrible friend and why she was right about everything and I was wrong. In the moment I wanted to reply to every single point with “my side” but I refused to stoop to her level. The literally ended the whole million word rant with offering to work things out in person! Umm, no thanks.

I replied something like “Thank you for this long message, there is clearly no friendship to salvage. I wish you the best.”

Sometimes I miss the friendship from when it was good but knowing this sort of resentment would always be there wasn’t worth it.

If someone not close to me has told.me not to respond then I would take them at their word (even though it is a desperate attention seeking action shes indulging in). You're not responsible for how she feels in this, there's some expectation from her that you're role is to come.running / support her etc.

I'd not respond.

Clearly there has been fault on both sides; I think you'll feel better/lighter if you take responsibility for your side and apologise. Something like "I'm sorry to hear your wrist is still bad and sorry I didn't respond at the time, I was having a very tough week myself and had been counting on seeing you that day. I think we can agree the friendship is over and had run its course even before your accident. I have fond memories of the good times we shared and I wish you the best for the future."

I think she a drama queen. The only reason write that message is to create drama. Over the year nothing stoped her texting or sending a voice note.

The friend sent a message. Said she hurt herself. Got no reply.
It was the Ops turn to respond.

I have/had a friend who when we meet up spends the entire time wanging on about themselves and never asking me a single question to check how I am. It's so wearying that I can no longer be bothered to see them. And yes, I have pulled them up on it, but it makes no difference.

They also cancel a lot. If I'd received a text saying my friend fallen and hurt their wrist and needed to cancel, I'd have assumed it was an excuse. Not acknowledging it was a bit rubbish of OP, but considering her state of mind at the time, not entirely unforgivable. For the "friend" to then send a text a year later is laughable. Clearly she's missing having someone she can bore with stories about herself every time.

OP, normally I'd say take the high road, but in this instance I'd bite back and send a text saying: "Which bit of my no contact in the last year made you think we were still friends anyway?"

Just leave it. The friendship is over anyway - you haven't seen her in over a year, you know you're not the person she's describing. Block her, don't feed the drama llama and get on with your life.

It sounds like you’re sorry that you didn’t respond. I would apologise. And also add that you were depressed at the time which affected your reactions to people, so if she wants to she can understand what happened a bit better. Telling her she had been a bad friend previously is probably unhelpful dredging up at this stage. You might have a bit more closure if you say sorry and give a bit of context.

Allow yourself to live rent free in her head forever by simply deleting the text and never thinking about her again. She wants a reply. Don’t give her one.

OP actually said it in her post. Friend told her about the wrist a year ago. No contact since then as OP had her own problems. OP hasn’t sat on the text calling her a horrible friend - she posted today because she got the text today.

I think she a drama queen. The only reason write that message is to create drama. Over the year nothing stoped her texting or sending a voice note.

Sorry again for standing you up. I really buggered up my wrist. How's everything with you?

She wants @feelo to do all the legwork. I had a friend exactly the same. I didn't message to arrange meeting up and didn't hear from them for several years. Friendship needs effort from both parties. Like any relationship sometimes one person picks up the slack and makes more effort but you can do nothing and be surprised, upset and accusatory when the other person does the same.

Okay so in hindsight you’re aware you could have text to ask if she was okay.

But OP, don’t think too much about it. You’re not a horrible person. A horrible person wouldn’t give a shit about how they made another feel.

Not sure why you think OP is selfish when it appears she was expected to do all the running. OP had her own problems and friend didn’t t seem interested in her at all.

This is a great post.

I’d also love to know whether she actually badly hurt her wrist? Or is just an attention seeker?