To be gutted that I’m selling my car and giving up on driving

And now it's choking up the planet, not sure how liberating that is to the millions who suffer because of its domination

A lot of driving awareness develops the more you drive, sadly the same with any skills the more you do it the better it becomes.

I would book some driving on something like a skid pan, and also some off road driving. The reason for this is you may eventually actually enjoy yourself and realise driving can be fun, but most importantly you will learn to drive in difficult situations without having to worry about other drivers being on the road. Also you can book driving simulators which will deal with the awareness of other road users and the issues you worry about, animals running into the road, country lane driving etc.

I would them continue with more lessons, I know you said you had them, but I am sure there are instructors who specialise in exactly your situation.

Driving gives you personal freedom, yes you can use public transport but it is not the same, you managed to get through a driving test, so use this as a positive and make further efforts to overcome your anxiety to continue to drive.

The post of yours I have quoted indicates to me you have a good awareness of the issues which can happen with driving, too many drives do not care or haven't a clue that these things can happen.

Good choice and good luck, OP!

Do you have DC yet? Since WFH I only really use the car for the weekly shop and taking DD to her activities but they all over the county and would be impossible without the car. Before learning to drive it really limited the options available to her in terms of extra curricular.

I found driving with a Satnav on really reassuring when I first passed. I've ever driven on a motorway but thats because there aren't any near me.

I felt like this about my motorcycle when I first got it, although that’s a bit different as nobody needs a bike and they are objectively more dangerous than cars.

One thing that helped was doing very short, easy routes at quiet times, then building it up. Also, regular practice, 15 minutes a day might be more helpful than a couple of hours at the weekend. If that means driving around the block every day for a week it’s worth it if it means you can do it with zero stress!

Also, ignore anyone telling you to go further/onto motorways/busy areas before you’re ready.

The personal motor vehicle has to be the single most liberating invention in all of human history. It's incredibly sad to pack it all in for anxiety. I'm sorry you're pondering this, OP.

What is it specifically about driving that you are worried about? Your skill, other drivers, navigating, fear of accident? If you break it down to what exactly scares you you could address that.

Is driving a life skill if you live in London? It feels like one where I live as public transport is shit so it would quite limiting not to drive. If you live in London that's surely not the case? Op has kind of proven that by not using her car...if she'd really needed it she'd have probably used it more and got over her confidence issues.

I'm 40 and have never learnt to drive because of my anxiety (plus an absolutely dreadful driving instructor when I was a teenager) people don't understand that I don't want to waste thousands of pounds when I really don't think even if I managed to pass my test I would actually drive anywhere.

@bozzabollix That would be a fantastic service. Particularly in big cities where it’s easy to get away with not driving, and I bet there are lots of people who have a license but don’t use it.

OP I get it, and it’s hard work to overcome the anxiety with what looks like little reward. But there are some things that are only possible if you drive - are you absolutely sure you won’t ever want to do them? Getting DC to football matches, for example - it’s about them, rather than about what you want, and they can’t be in the team if you can’t get them there.

@Doyouhonestlyexpectmetobelieve I think you have a massive point there. Driving anxiety seems to be abundant in women but not men, and comes down to the still common theme of man in the relationship drives more than the woman, criticises her driving etc. I think driving is a feminist issue. You can literally drive away from abuse, having a car makes you equal in strength to a man once you’re in it, there are loads of reasons why driving is something vital for women.

Hence given my industry I’m quite passionate that women should feel as able to drive as men do.

I’m a driving instructor and am pondering working with a counsellor to offer a service to help anxious drivers. It seems such a shame to make all that effort to pass the test only to give up for something that should be fixable.

Message me if you’d like to be my Guinea pig, we will need one.

The reason you are an anxious driver is because you drive so little.

It is one of those 'confidences' the grow the more you do it.

All those saying 'good for you' are also saying 'hey just let your anxiety rule your life' . Driving is an absolute life skill that you may not have a great need for now - but I promise you , there will be a time when you will be extremely glad you didn't give in to anxiety.

You need to turn 'driving anxiety ' into a named thing . Animate it. It's a technique I was shown when dealing with a particular crippling anxiety in my life.

A good animation for driving anxiety is to give him a male name and a personality. For example.. every time you hear that voice saying 'no don't drive, your no good at it.. pretend it is some awful sexost bloke spouting the usual crap that 'women shouldn't drive, they can't do it and should leave it to the men... then get in that car and drive it EVERYDAY or every other day at the very least. Going a couple miles further every 2 or 3 days .. until you shut that sexist arse up.

If you were 80 ii would say perhaps give up if you afe absolutely sure but definitely not at thirty !!

CBT could help you. Have you thought about what the anxiety stems from? Could it also be a case of the more you avoid it the more of a scary thing it becomes? I say persevere, I am late 20s and I have driven my car over 150,000 miles since I passed! It is freedom, and of course it's not without risks - but those risks apply to other modes of transport too. I think the benefits of driving are worth persevering to overcome, with therapy for anxiety.

Honestly I thought you were going to say you were 80 or something! Surely you have passed your test,to have met the driving standards. You pass your test, then u learn to drive as they say. Can your friends come with u at first, then say meet them somewhere.dont give up! I was cut up by a white van man, passed off .but back behind the wheel 30 years of driving

You'll probably find it quite freeing once you decide to officially give up. Like a weight off your shoulder.

I passed a months ago, and only done two very short independent drives and been terrified the whole time. I'm quite fed up of people saying "been driving much?" knowing good and well I have anxiety about it.

I've decided instead of pushing myself, I'm just gonna do what I can, even if it's 5 mins down the road every couple days. Telling people scared of driving to "just get out there and practice" is no good, I don't feel safe, nerves cause accidents and poor decisions/responses. Now anytime tries to encourage me I just say "if anyones going to cause an accident its me not you so ill take it at a pace I feel safe".

I hope that when we get an automatic with all the bells and whistles, I'll be better, but I'm telling myself that even it isn't, it's okay, driving just isn't for me.

Sorry, derailed a bit, its a bit raw considering it came up today 😂

I made the decision not to drive recently. I passed my test when I was 17 and I am almost 54 now. I was always a nervous driver and didn't particularly enjoy it at all. My husband and both children drive so they are happy to drive me or I use public transport. I hit the menopause and my spacial awareness seemed to go overnight!

It was not cost effective for me to keep running a car as I was only doing 1-2k miles a year. The roads are so much busier now than years ago. For me it was just not worth the stress and anxiety I had around driving. You can still keep your licence for if you ever change your mind or become a named driver on another car, or if you hire a car. I don't see it as a failing of any kind, it is just being responsible and doing what is best for you.

I passed my test nearly 10 years ago and never driven by myself, probably only drove a car a handful of times, why? Because I have such bad anxiety that it makes me so stressed and it actually makes me a danger to other road users, I think it’s ok to admit that and to bow out, some people just aren’t meant to be drivers 🤷🏻‍♀️

Book some confidence lessons with an instructor. Honestly your life is more restrictive without driving - my mum massively regrets giving up driving due to anxiety

Only a bird brain would have such a narrow view of the world

Theo ey you will save on tax and insurance alone will mean you can afford to Uber if it's raining hard.

Loads of cycling lanes in many urban areas these days. But fair enough, not one of the safest like buses.

I think some people just don't make good drivers, whether through nerves, inability to read the road or lack of coordination. If you've tried an auto, and had refresher lessons, maybe you've given it your best shot now. Better to acknowledge it's not for you than to keep forcing yourself. Save the money and use it to splash out on the occasional taxi.