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Original poster

MIL, pregnancy and wanting NC

54 replies

wishuponastarrr1 · 27/04/2024 17:31

So, this is a long one so will try to summarise as best as I can

  • I have been with my husband for 10+ years and I was very close to my future MIL, we had what both DH & I thought was a lovely bond.
  • We became engaged after 7 years and married shortly after. From the day after we announced said engagement, she completely changed.
  • Lots of negative things were said to me including about any future family we would have such as "I don't want children running around my house" and "well you can bugger off with your baby" baring in mind my SIL had just become pregnant and she was thrilled.
  • My DH & I wanted to get married alone, I thought her behaviour was due to feeling put out so I arranged a small wedding- wasn't good enough and no real interest/effort put into it at all despite encouragement.
  • This led to massive arguments before our wedding and caused my DH such incredible stress that afterwards he ended up having a breakdown (ruined our honeymoon)
  • I became deeply depressed by the situation (this is just the very outline) and tried to end my life. There were lots of other factors that has caused me stress in the previous year and coming off hormonal BC also did not help.
  • I then went NC with them from hospital. They then went NC with my husband but then tried to take that back. Not once did they ask DH how he was considering he nearly lost his DW.
  • I got better, our marriage was stronger than ever and NC was great for me.
  • I then became pregnant and of course, my DH hoped this would be something that may mend the relationship with his parents etc
  • Neither MIL or FIL ever asked how I or the baby were doing.
  • I felt as though I owe my DC the opportunity to have a relationship with their GP. I personally had amazing relationships with all of mine and I wanted to give them that chance.
  • We arranged to meet but then I found out that whilst I was heavily pregnant she had decided to visit SIL 8k miles away and also to bring back SIL whilst I could well give birth. SIL bringing DN who is a baby himself. But not wanting to make effort to meet with us considering I can't be far from the hospital at that point in my pregnancy.
  • I cancelled the meeting with MIL and she sent gifts upon gifts upon gifts for the baby which for some reason made me sad & angry but I could also see how she had picked things she KNEW I would love.
  • I also invited her to my baby shower as an olive branch, didn't attend but can travel 8k miles for SIL.
  • I have not had the easiest of childhoods or relationships with my own mother. I acknowledge this can play a part in my feelings.
  • I always imagined she would be an amazing Grandma and support to me too. I would go as far as to say 3 years ago I would have had her in the delivery room.
  • Other issue is FIL has disowned DH because he upset MIL by telling her to truth and protecting me. So I have no idea how we navigate any relationship even if I found the strength to try
  • I just want to enjoy the family I make with my DH. I never ever thought I'd be lucky to live the life I do now.
  • I don't want them ruining the birth of my 1st child, like they did my wedding.
  • I also would like to reconcile for the sake of the baby.
  • There are lots and lots of things that have been said and done on their part that would be far too outing to post. But it's been bad.

Should I remain LC/NC or try?

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 27/04/2024 18:12

I'd go completely NC at this point.

Chunkychips23 · 27/04/2024 18:10

Births, Marriages & Deaths seem to bring out the best and worst in people.

My MIL became hostile the moment I gave birth. It seemed to trigger something in her and I’d love to go NC!

For your own sanity, it would be worth remaining low contact during your pregnancy & postpartum period. You’ll be at your most vulnerable and you don’t want to risk your mental well-being. You can readdress when you start feeling yourself again

Ponoka7 · 27/04/2024 18:07

You are at your most vulnerable when you've given birth. Your relationship is put under stress by a newborn/recovery. Personally I'd keep them at arms length until a few months in. I had to go NC with my Mother to protect my MH. She was invited down when the baby was weeks old, flying visit, then vlc.

Crispsandcola · 27/04/2024 18:01

If they were bad enough for you to go NC then why would you want them to be involved with your DC? Maintain NC for the sake of your health, marriage and DC.