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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think any man would know this wasn’t acceptable.

113 replies

Mummytoswiftie25 · 27/04/2024 10:39

I took my DD to a movie with a few friends yesterday - it was a specific movie they had been waiting to see and so they went all out and dressed up in costumes.
we were waiting in the food court outside and the girls were mucking about hugging etc when a man approached us with his mobile phone out and lifted his phone up, I automatically went “ what are you doing “ and he proceeded to then ask us if it was ok to take a picture of any DD alone. I asked him if he had taken any other pictures and to move away. I called security over and asked to see the photos he has taken, he had taken a few of the girls playing around and then told security it was a mis understanding and they he just appreciated her costume, deleted the photos and they let him leave.

surely any man I would say 35-40 years old would know this to be wrong ?

OP posts:
Doratheexplorer1 · 27/04/2024 21:17

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TillyTooms · 27/04/2024 21:17

As a teenager I once dressed up for book day and a man approached me with a camera asking to take my picture, I was 14 and all alone at a bus stop so I completely believe this.

Doratheexplorer1 · 27/04/2024 21:17

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Original poster
Mummytoswiftie25 · 27/04/2024 21:16

yellowlupins · 27/04/2024 20:44

And also would you have also done the same if it were a woman with good social skills who took the photo? She would still have been a stranger to you and you wouldn't have known what she wanted to do with the photo.

So yes I would have found it strange any adult wanting to take a photo of a child they did not know.

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Original poster
Mummytoswiftie25 · 27/04/2024 21:15

DD very much looks like a child not a young adult.

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Doratheexplorer1 · 27/04/2024 21:15

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Doratheexplorer1 · 27/04/2024 21:13

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Shade17 · 27/04/2024 21:04

Doratheexplorer1 · 27/04/2024 20:45

Vile man. I would have called the police as well. You did the right thing confronting him and getting security. Well done. Excellent Mama Duties. These vile creatures are everywhere. Makes me so angry.

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And that would’ve been a complete waste of police resources, they wouldn’t even have grounds to ask for his name, not to mention the fact that he’d have probably left by the time they’d arrived. What exactly do you expect the police would’ve done?

HebburnPokemon · 27/04/2024 20:53

How old is DD and do you have a link to the costume? If it’s not a sexualised costume maybe he just liked the character?

Doratheexplorer1 · 27/04/2024 20:45

Mummytoswiftie25 · 27/04/2024 11:03

Not sure the relevance but it wasn’t a revealing costume, child friendly.
he was on his own around 35-40 but would say more like 40.
spoke good English, didn’t seem confused and had a local accent ( very northern so we know it well ) wasn’t a misunderstanding.

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Vile man. I would have called the police as well. You did the right thing confronting him and getting security. Well done. Excellent Mama Duties. These vile creatures are everywhere. Makes me so angry.

yellowlupins · 27/04/2024 20:44

And also would you have also done the same if it were a woman with good social skills who took the photo? She would still have been a stranger to you and you wouldn't have known what she wanted to do with the photo.

yellowlupins · 27/04/2024 20:41

Not saying this is similar but my husband once was taking a panoramic shot of an almost deserted tropical beach. This woman shouted abuse at him because she thought he'd been photographing her🙄.

To be honest if they were dressed up specifically, so a sort of costume I wouldn't be surprised to be photographed in this case and I wouldn't consider it creepy in the least.
If they just had on normal clothes then I would find it weird.

scarletbegoniass · 27/04/2024 19:42

SevenSeasOfRhye · 27/04/2024 16:45

Lots of things are wrong, in my personal opinion, but not illegal. Some things that are illegal are not wrong, again, in my personal opinion. My personal opinion means nothing in law.

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I don’t think people are suggesting the man’s actions were illegal and he should be thrown in prison (the poster who did was promptly corrected). Rather, they are saying that it was strange and wrong.

I don’t see the relevance of its legality, as the law is not the dictator of morality – which is what people are discussing. Are you really so cowed you couldn’t possibly say something that is legal isn’t acceptable?

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 27/04/2024 17:32

You could campaign to get the law changed in this respect.

///

Thanks, I'd not considered this.

bombastix · 27/04/2024 17:26

Jesus. Yes I am amazed at the cheek of this guy and his motives.

xSideshowAuntSallyx · 27/04/2024 17:18

shoppingshamed · 27/04/2024 15:44

You can't go around deleting stuff from people's phones, thank goodness we're not in some kind of police state

Like it or not the man hasn't done anything illegal based on the OPs telling of what happened

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And a grown up shouldn't be going round taking photos of a child without parents consent. Whether it's legal or not.

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 27/04/2024 17:16

How old were they? Was it possible to have assumed they were young adults?

If they were in costume from a franchise its entirely possible he's a fan

It's still strongly discouraged because of the creep aspect but he might just have been admiring their costumes. He even asked for a photo (which should have just been the case)

Him actually approaching you and speaking and not running immediately would suggest it was less likely to be nefarious as someone up to no good doesn't like to be challenged or seen and would not approach you or hang around when security got involved.

He sounds perhaps a little socially unconscious rather than a creep

SevenSeasOfRhye · 27/04/2024 17:11

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 27/04/2024 16:57

Ok so we get it. It's totally legal to act like a nonce and there is l bugger all we can do to stop men being creepy twats (tale as old as time).

You could campaign to get the law changed in this respect.

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 27/04/2024 16:57

Ok so we get it. It's totally legal to act like a nonce and there is l bugger all we can do to stop men being creepy twats (tale as old as time).

SevenSeasOfRhye · 27/04/2024 16:45

scarletbegoniass · 27/04/2024 16:15

That doesn’t preclude it being wrong…
I can think of no reason for a strange man to photograph a little girl, can you?

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Lots of things are wrong, in my personal opinion, but not illegal. Some things that are illegal are not wrong, again, in my personal opinion. My personal opinion means nothing in law.

Timspam · 27/04/2024 16:27

I'm a man and I would never do that in a million years, I'd probably just smile and remember my Daughter at that age and all the similar things we used to do.

MoodyMargaret11 · 27/04/2024 16:26

People are forgetting Context here. What kind of costumes were the girls wearing? Were they movie themed or what?
It is very possible they sparked the man's interest and that he didn't realise taking a photo would be offensive - he could have been from a different culture, ND, etc.
You say they weren't sexy or revealing in any way, so I wouldn't immediately jump to "he's a creep".
Slightly different scenario, but I know a parent who got told off and prevented from taking a photo of her own DD during a swimming party. It was because of the other kids around. She genuinely had no idea of this, in her country completely normal.

scarletbegoniass · 27/04/2024 16:15

SevenSeasOfRhye · 27/04/2024 12:46

He wasn't doing anything illegal.

That doesn’t preclude it being wrong…
I can think of no reason for a strange man to photograph a little girl, can you?

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 27/04/2024 16:13

focacciamuffin · 27/04/2024 15:56

Totally willing to look like a prat if it turns out they have a legitimate reason.

If it’s not illegal it will be legitimate.

Just randomly filming or taking pictures of someone's kid is a legitimate thing to do? Can I come round and film your kids this evening?