To refuse to up my hours when my children are at school?

Sometimes its very stressful too being the primary earner. He might be feeling that responsibility heavily, and be worrying about money.

I can’t make it exactly even as life doesn’t work like that. But I don’t think it’s sensible to make myself exhausted so we’re equally exhausted if that makes sense.

No but it might help you understand his perspective. How would you feel if he said he'd like to work 4 days a week? Could you manage financially?

From his perspective, you expect him to manage working full time as a parent, so he is probably not sure why if its expected for him, its impossible for you

Nrtft but I have been on 0.6 fte ie 3 days a week since returning from mat leave when dd1 was born. She is 15 now!!! That means I have spent more of my teaching career being part time than full time. (Don't even mention my pension.)

However I love it this way. Its the perfect work life balance imho and I have no intention of changing things if I can. I think it's actually a big part of the reason I am still in teaching after nearly 20 years!

Evenings and weekends initially. And now the kids are slightly olde (6 and 9), it has gotten much much easier. It’s just a rough time at the age that yours are at. Just speak to your husband and work it out together.

having NO time makes me 😭

Does your DH get childfree time when not working? Don't count time you both get like evenings when they are in bed - often that time isn't useable, you are tired after work etc, can't exactly pop to the barber at 8.30pm, choosing between sleep & time for yourself.

Stay as you are but also ensure he takes regular time off in the holidays to give you a break. He gets five weeks, he needs to use them too!!

It's fine if you and your DH can afford it and are happy with this. If you have two days when kids are at school will you be doing the housework and cooking?

Wouldn't the best of all worlds be one were all this was split between you and the children's dad?

For me personally? No lol. I like the time with the kids. The only way DH could do more is if he cut back his work hours as well, we've talked about it and its not what either of us want for various reasons.

But i should add, DH does his bit and does morning school runs so i can start work earlier.

So your dh is either away or comes home after his children are in bed - is that what you both imagined when you decided to have children? I hope he's with them all weekend at least.
Please don't go with the hours split across several days. When would you be able to do some planning in school, or sort out your classroom? That's not sustainable.

I've done 3 full days, 3.5, five short days on starting school and probably 4 somewhere in there when I was an employee. 5 short days was best for time with dc as loved seeing them out of school with all their chatter but 3 full days was much better for work life balance. I am not teacher though.

You could always send the kids to holiday clubs to give you a break, which would be cheaper than your current year round nursery.

Also - be aware, make sure your husband gets some spare time to himself where he isn't working or with the kids too.

Often these issues come up because the part time working parent has built in some child free/work free time and actually the full time working parent gets none, or gets a bit and spends it feeling guilty they aren't spending time with children.

The reality is, having kids takes up time that you had for yourself pre kids - you can claw a bit back by working less while they are in school or childcare, but there's only so far you can do that before it becomes either a financial impossibility OR you get very little time with them.

It doesn't last forever- before you know it you can't extract them from their bedrooms.

Do him a deal. You'll work full time if he does 50% with the kids. It's only fair after all.

That’s what I do and I work full time (husband works long hours) 😀 I still find time for myself, I go to the gym, etc. Not that I’m telling you to work full time if you don’t have to, just saying it’s not as bad you make it sound and if you prioritise it, you will find time for yourself. You need to speak to your DH though, this thread isn’t going to help you much.

Wouldn't the best of all worlds be one were all this was split between you and the children's dad?
I thought primary years would be easier than they were. It also depends on your children's needs of course and how they navigate the system - could have SEN, could be bullied etc.

Are you worried about talking to your dh about this? Have you given him a list of the things he will need to step up with (including more time off work for their sickness) if you do more hours?
Obviously if you can't survive financially without more hours that's different.

he does assume that I’ll work five days a week but shorter days so I can do drop offs and pick ups which seems to me to be the absolute worst of all worlds - all the disadvantages to part time without the tangible benefit of a couple of days off

See I'd always seen this as the best of all worlds... able to keep job/earn money, but get to do most of the pick ups, maximise time with kids and have minimal childcare costs!

You might feel differently when kids are older OP. Compared to a toddler, school age kids are quite easy. They play much more independently. I enjoy the time we have together after school.

I work in education full time term time and have two primary aged children. It does mean never having time for myself as when they’re in bed I am doing all the things I can’t do in the day BUT the school holidays are such a different pace that it’s enough of a change that it feels like a proper break (even though I have the kids with me all the time).

I have lots of friends who work full time 52 weeks (with 5 weeks annual leave) with children/other caring responsibilities and being term time only feels much easier so I don’t want to complain!

if you can afford it, work less days and have the time for yourself!

As long as you can manage drop/pick ups and using breakfast/after school clubs I would stick to 3 full days to give you flexibility and some time to yourself.