To refuse to up my hours when my children are at school?

I'm also a teacher working the same number of days and DS is in reception. I'm in no hurry to return full time. I don't feel like I'd be able to be a good mother and teacher at the moment. If you can afford it I think staying part time is a sensible decision.

@Workhardcryharder OP said this (below), so it does look like the spread out part time is being brought up. I agree they need to talk more.
I don’t think he’d pressure me to work more hours but he does assume that I’ll work five days a week but shorter days so I can do drop offs and pick ups which seems to me to be the absolute worst of all worlds - all the disadvantages to part time without the tangible benefit of a couple of days off!

Schools will take everything they can get.

The only way to set a hard boundary around what you are prepared to do is to do the 3 long days.

Otherwise you end up as a full timer "lite" still on part time pay.

If it ain't broke, don't fix it!

That hasn’t been said, there’s not really been much of a discussion, just an assumption on both parts.

I imagine he’s doing a 9-6 type job with a crappy commute, very normal in the corporate world

But he wants his wife to approach her school and request to do part time over 5 days. She will get no "breaks", no extra pay, and no career progression if she does this AND working in the evenings as she's a teacher. Working full time would be a better choice than this.
I don't understand anyone who stays at work till 7 when they have babies/toddlers at home - and then needs more time away from them at the weekend. What was the point?

Less days and longer hours are always preferable to more days and shorter hours.

I do understand where he’s coming from because he’s having to work FT to basically put the kids in nursery and if you were to spread your hours out then you’d be saving a lot of money.

You do also get a lot more time off than DH though so I can see why he may feel a bit miffed but it also sounds like you do the majority of the parenting too.

I would tell him that you’d like to keep it as it is for now if possible and have this conversation again in 6 months time.

Perhaps in the future you could both do a 4 day week.

If you are managing all the school runs now, I’m not sure why you’d need to change things.

So, what is your DH anticipating you doing?

1. 0.6 but spread across 5 days so you can take/collect every day. I’m primary, so this would not be possible, is that something they could accommodate at your school? I would much rather do 0.6 and work 3 full days.
2. full time?

Ask him to act now as he would should you be working more. Ask him to SHOW you how it would work as a family.

@stayasiam What happens at weekends? You say you often take the kids out so that he can get a break? Is that at the weekend or does he sometimes wfh too?

If he's there at weekends can't you share the time, so that one day of the weekend he looks after the kids and you look after them the other day? That way you both get a break?

Stop thinking about this, I have just seen you'res still on mat leave! Seriously, life will be very different in 3-4 years time when both are at school. Wait and see what life if like then.

@Mmmmdanone this is what I feel. I am pt with teen DC and if I worked ft, it would have a massive knock-on effect on everything. I do most evening club lifts, most housework, house afmin, shopping. If i was ft, this would all have to be done at the weekend. The weekends are quite full on so I allow myself a hit of down time too.

Full time teaching is not a family friendly career.
Even part time takes its toll.

He is deluded if he thinks teaching means you are available for drop offs and pick ups just because the classroom teaching portion of your job is between roughly 8:30 and 3:30....

And what about sick days?
And what about after school activities and play dates?
And what about evening activities?

If that's all going to fall on you, teaching full time will be very difficult if he's not going to do his share ('help' probably, acc to him) and you don't have outside help. Or your children will spend a lot of time in wrap around care and not get to do a lot of activities

My gripe is that the man who works full time does it with the grace of the other person, his wife. If you both work full time then he has to step up.

OP on balance I'd stay 3 days and cover pick ups and drop offs with school clubs.

I'd also say that as the children get older, the holidays become more of a rest than a drudge.

7&4 was a wildly different 6 weeks off to 2&5.

I'm not a teacher but I do work part time hours over 3 days. DC is preschool age currently. DH works full time. I have zero intention of upping my hours once school starts. Unless some huge change happens in the next 2 years and we're desperate for the money. I'm keeping the 2 days for all the shopping, batch cooking, cleaning etc so we don't have to fill the weekends up with any of that shit and can enjoy time together as a family. DH is more than happy with my plan. Weirdly, the only person who seems mega keen on me going back full time is my dad for some unknown reason. But obviously it is nothing to do with him.

If he ever says right you need to do full time, agree then write the list of all you do apart from work and ask him which half he wants to do?

They can go to clubs for part of the school holidays.

I’d many any increase in hours gradual.

That’s barely fair, I acknowledge and fully appreciate the SAHP has it harder imo than the one working full time, but in this scenario, she gets 2 days off a week, which is a huge amount of child free time for any parent (most get none). This is likely to cause resentment from him and if I were out the house 60 hours a week I could
understand why

YANBU. Slightly different as single parent here but I worked 0.6 when my son started school and havent gone full time since. Those 2 days term time are for housework, DIY, plus my own time for swim or gym. I feel we get to enjoy the weekend instead of being exhausted plus my working days are better as I'll do planning/marking on non working day so I'm not staying late every night.

Also what about staff meetings and CPD? You can’t miss all of those or your professional development would take a hit

OP I'm a teacher and our part time staff definitely have classrooms - I mean they will share them with someone else but there still are resources and things you want to do at the end of the working day or the beginning of the next - even to talk to colleagues. I think arriving late and leaving early (and being paid accordingly) is just not a good idea in this job.

He might. But he doesn’t do any parenting, and there has to be balance somewhere. If I did all the parenting and most of the house stuff and worked 3 days and Dh wanted me to work more, I’d leave for a week and let him handle it all. Tell him to take two days leave and it will be a breeze, since that’s your normal life.

From what you say it sounds like you'd be happier to stick with what you've got.

I work 9 until 3 in a managerial level job (52 weeks) and it's fine. I feel very privileged to be able to have this arrangement, actually. I only have one DC though and a DH who pulls his weight at weekends and respects my job as equal to his. If I have a late meeting he takes time off to cover me, no question.

Don't feel like you can't use a holiday club in school holidays sometimes. And expect your DH to take time off in school holidays and entertain the children without you.