Re something teacher said to ds

You are assuming because you did great revising last minute your child will too. That's a big risky assumption, your child is not you and might need a different approach to succeed. You talk about your son struggling with aggression, yet you sound very aggressive in your post. A teacher said he should be studying 2 weeks before GCSE and you apparently have them by the balls and are ready to fly off the handle at them. What do you hope to accomplish by that?

Your son isn't telling you who said it because he's worried/embarrassed by how you'll react with the school. My DDs anxiety would be made a hell of a lot worse by the thought I was going to have a go at a teacher. It sounds like you're really struggling with this, but getting aggressive and angry over a mistake is not going to help your child. In all likelihood the teacher was so surprised they didn't think about their answer in the context of your son. Teachers are human too and if there's no malice to it a reminder of your son's needs is a lot more appropriate then getting them by the balls.

You could have defused this and reassured your son that this is the best revision plan for him, that he needs that relaxed time to study better or something. It would have been a hell of a lot more useful for him then you going off about the school.

YABU - it's normal for a teacher to emphasise the importance of revision to their students. I also think you shouldn't be taking your DS on holiday in the May half term.

On another thread yesterday someone said ‘do teachers not have enough to deal with?’ and it’s totally true. Tell him as someone said ‘you need a break and can get back to it afterwards’, the teacher has to say that in case you’re not working (and they do!) Relax op, sounds like you’ve had to fight hard for your son and well done, but this is one of those things that you drop, you can’t and don’t need to fight every person that makes your child stressed (from someone who was that anxious, stressed child x).

edited to add if you can change booking until after exam even better!!!

After early June he'll have a couple of months to go to theme parks. How will you feel if you encourage him not to revise because you want him on rollercoasters because you didn't revise but then he doesn't do very well? You need to keep him calm, encourage study with sensible breaks to relax and some exercise. Give him the best chance you can of success. Your son sounds embarrassed by your behaviour. That's sad.

Totally get what you mean, I have a neurodiverse son also. Most people lucky enough to not have the experience of putting an ND kid through the helll of what secondary school can be won't understand. An insensitive/glib/judgemental comment such as this teacher has made is water off a ducks back for most neuroitypical kids but for yours or any ND kid who's been damaged by the education system and hanging on by a thread, this sort of comment can be like a hand grenade and set you and them back. And it's awful to see their anxiety triggered and spiral. Reassure him and maybe speak to the Senco and ask her to speak to relevant staff asking them to be more sensitive in their comments when around your son.

It doesn't really sound like you are putting your son's needs first here. Going in holiday during important exams is mad.

Exactly this!
In trying to calm her Ds, all OP has done is put more pressure on him. A long day out at a theme park and a holiday slap bang in the middle of exams would cause huge anxiety to any child let alone one with autism.

I've just seen your addition about taking him on holiday in the May half-term. If he's worried about Thorpe Park - imagine how this will make him feel! After June he has over 2 months of summer. Why would you book a holiday in the middle of exams, especially when your child is anxious about them.
My own parents booked a holiday for the Easter before my GCSEs, I was so stressed about missing revision time, I asked them to cancel. They wouldn't, so in the end I got my form tutor to speak to them and they reluctantly agreed to change it, but they should never have booked a holiday at such a ridiculous time.

Well said

The OP doesn't believe in exams for ND kids

The OP also doesn't believe in revision two weeks before they start, because she did all hers the night before and 'turned out alright'.

I wonder if his is a learned anger that he's picked up from the OP? Or if he was rubbing it into his friends that he doesn't have to revise, and the teacher took him down a peg for it?

There are a few issues here. The teacher shouldn't have said anything about Thorpe Park, but aside from that your attitude to the school is awful.

If the school is so dreadful and there have several "monumental fuckups" why have you kept your son there? Have you really decided to keep your child in a school that you feel has been so wrong? Or are you laying it on a bit thick here?

I can absolutely assure you that you don't have the "school by the balls" - they probably have a chuckle about you whenever you call with your latest complaint or demand. You can't ask a whole school of teachers not to mention how important exams are in front of your child! Even if the child has an EHCP and is autistic (as are 2 of my children).

I hope your son gets through his exams without you causing any drama for him - and that you find him a setting you are happy with for Post-16.

Why are you winding him up about it? It’s pretty normal not to spend a whole day at a theme park 2 weeks before the exams and most of the other kids will be revising hard. He will know this. You should have just said something like “It will help you relax and you always work so much better when you are relaxed. Downtime is really important and you still have plenty of time to study. Other people need different strategies but we are going to do what’s best for you.” Rather than ranting at him about balls and trying to make him grass on some poor teacher that he is going to have to see on Monday knowing an arsey call is coming for them.

This
The teacher deserves a massive eye roll and I'd be pissed off too, but if it's on a weekend and he's not missing school, what's the big deal?!
He's entitled to some chill time as well - it's important to revise but it's also important to relax as well.

GCSEs start in less than two weeks, the teacher is right that they should be doing a lot of revision this weekend. Yabu and clearly have form for making such a fuss that your teen is embarrassed and would rather not tell you who said what.

They must be praying for the end of Year 11 to come round quickly so you can caress someone else's spherical objects to your heart's content.

@Mindovermatter247 what are you doing to reduce his anxiety? Has he got access arrangements in place?

This.

YABcompletelyU

I feel sorry for teachers they can’t win whatever they do / say .

He's not the only child in the school. The teachers will be dealing with many kids in their exam classes, and they can't be expected to remember every child's specific communication line and treat each of them as individually as you want

He's going to be in lessons where the teacher is telling the whole class that they need to take these exams seriously and have revision plans. Because a lot of their pupils NEED to be reminded of that. They can't not prepare the rest of them because one student's mum has said he shouldn't be told this.

It's very odd timing to take a whole day out of a weekend for something like this just 2 weeks before important exams. I don't think it's unreasonable for a teacher to pass comment on this. They are hardly preventing it from happening.

Although they can't be revising 24 hours a day, I would be encouraging something very low key and relaxing - and / or sports / exercise -rather then full on sensory overload high energy theme park day.

I don't think the teacher has done anything wrong. It sounds like they were surprised that your child is out and about socialising rather than studying.

I've spent the last few weeks telling my increasingly hysterical students that they need to have some time off to relax, that their life doesn't end if they fail, and there's always a second chance. Honestly these kids do not need any more pressure right now, they are falling apart under it. Damn right a teacher should not be telling your son not to go to thorpe park. I do wonder why some people are in the profession 🙄