Re something teacher said to ds

There are several threads on which the OP states she has the school by the balls (for various reasons) and on almost all of them that she doesn't believe in exams. (especially for students with SEN)
With parental attitudes like this, I'm surprised the poor boy is still in school at all tbf.

The rigid mainstream system is showing more and more clearly that its structure simply doesn’t work for every child. Including exams. Especially since GCSEs are setting up further exams and then for future work, much of which can be unachievable for autistic people. A teacher cares for results not only because they want a child to achieve, but also for how it’s reflected on them and putting that pressure on children (especially ones with SEN) is completely unreasonable.

I'd argue we might know what we're doing rather than that parent who simply wants to let her son absorb her own negative attitude to education.

And there are many MANY parents of SEN children who would vehemently disagree with you. Perhaps the op is approaching this from a place of anger rather than calming, but too many teachers decide they’re right and it’s the parents who should fully support them at all times. Sometimes both sides forget the welfare and needs of the child in question and those needs will not always conform to what is expected of the education system and its set targets.

I would not have taken my ASD Dd to her special interest 2 weeks before GCSE’s.

She’d have been beside herself with anxiety.

Yeah, OP you're that parent. And parents like you are one of the reasons fabulous, experienced teachers are leaving the profession in droves. More importantly you're the reason recruitment numbers are way below what they need to be.

“You've had some horribly unsympathetic responses op. But this is MN, which has zero understanding of autism.” ^ Might want to view the post above yours then.

I don’t think they’re being unsympathetic I think they are commenting on OP’s aggressive language and having school by the balls comment.

Regardless of autism, there is too much pressure on students these days. Everyone is entitled to a break.

Your DS can revise in the car, if that’s possible or after the day out.

My son is doing GCSEs this year. I fully expect the teachers to emphasis the importance of revising and doing as well as they can. I don’t see how they can deliver this message to a whole class whilst omitting one student.
Regardless of whether the teacher should have said anything directly to your son like that, I wouldn’t complain to the school simply because he doesn’t want you to and he’s 16. Perhaps he does feel stressed about the exams and that going to the theme park before they start is a bad idea? My older child used to get stressed about having not revised to the point that he was too stressed to do any revision - I know that sounds illogical!

I couldn’t even get my DD to take a day off revision in the Easter holidays so no chance no. So now I probably wouldn’t be going this close to exam season and it’s a teachers job to get kids to revise

You've had some horribly unsympathetic responses op. But this is MN, which has zero understanding of autism and the consequences of situations like this for your son. You’re not being precious and neither is your son. It’s not ‘the world revolving around your son’, it’s a reasonable adjustment for his disability to not over exert the importance of the exams and how every waking moment should be dedicated to revision. It’s understanding that causing unnecessary stress under these circumstances can steamroll into anxiety induced burnout, and have a severe impact on him sitting exams at all. I’d probably focus on reminding your son that he is entitled to breaks and pay this particular teacher no mind about their views.

There are several threads on which the OP states she has the school by the balls (for various reasons) and on almost all of them that she doesn't believe in exams. (especially for students with SEN)
With parental attitudes like this, I'm surprised the poor boy is still in school at all tbf.

Is it the same teacher your son swore at @Mindovermatter247 when his friendship group were split up in class due to disturbing others?

@Mamma63637 I have 5 classes this year. One has 5 students with ECHP, one with 3, one with 2. Two with none, but one of those classes has a totally non hearing student.

I'd argue we might know what we're doing rather than that parent who simply wants to let her son absorb her own negative attitude to education.

YANBU to be upset about the comment.

YABU to react like you did and escalate his anxiety and situation, instead of reassuring him .

I don't think anyone is willfully misunderstanding here. The OP is taking her son out to a theme park AND has a weeks holiday booked right in the middle of the exams. I think it is quite clear that she is intent on doing her own thing and is all set to blame the school if he fails. Clearly exams are a pushover as she only required one night's revision to get top grades.

All teachers in all schools will be telling students how important it is to revise right now. Of course they will also be telling them the importance of relaxing and taking breaks. Neither of the activities the OP has prepared are short, relaxing times to chill.

Also things were very different when we did our GCSEs we had coursework you could take in texts. It’s very different now. Plus you and he may have different revision methods. Your comments about benefits of “night before” revising and not over revising are really irrelevant and unhelpful.

Dd gave up her Saturday job for GCSEs and has again for a levels. Just heard her get back now from her friends house after staying over there last night to start revising by 10. They need to be working now.

The correct response to this would have been something more like 'Yes, I can see why a teacher who didn't know you might say that, but we know that fitting in relaxing things between your school work actually helps you to do better in exams.' Try to minimise, rather than escalate.

Absolutely. You getting stressy and pushing him to name the teacher made things worse. This would have been the perfect response.

I think a lot of posters here are willfully misunderstanding you when you said the teachers shouldn't put individual pressure on your DS about what he should and shouldn't do in his weekends. They clearly don't have SEN kids and they don't understand that they unwind in a different way, and maybe Thorpe park is a perfectly appropriate or relaxing way to spend time before exams.

My child is an lot younger but we have to be SO careful about language because the wrong words can set him back and you are constantly tip-toeing around them - some people think you are indulging them too much, but all the effort you out put in can be undone very quickly. The word school was a trigger word for us for months and months, so we just didn't use it until his anxiety alleviated.

I do agree with some who say that your focus should be on settling his anxiety rather than targeting the teacher. Maybe speak to the SENCO quietly about the damage bad advice can have.

it also not good to over prepare for exams. I did my studying for exams the night before and I came out with a’s and B’s.

So you want the school to understand that your son is an individual person with his own needs that might not align with everyone else's and treat him as such whilst simultaneously declaring that children shouldn't over prepare and because you got reasonable results only studying the night before that should be fine for others?

So individual needs until its your opinion then its everyone's the same? Interesting.

Thorpe park being a 'safe haven'. I've heard it all now.

It's entirely possible that your son is trying to tell you that he doesn't want to go on the trips that you have planned. I found it really stressful when there were family obligations around my exams and I couldn't revise. Maybe listen to your son rather than threatening his teachers.

Christ, poor teachers.

Downtime is very very important, but a day at a theme park is long and tiring. It'll mean no study on the day itself and then probably poorer quality study the next day due to tiredness. Downtime this close to the exams would usually be lower key, shorter activities like a walk, coffee out, cinema etc.

The mocks are important.

Everyone has assessment styles that they get on better or worse with, in most cases ND is a reason for extra resources or accommodations, not skipping the assessment entirely.

Whether your child needs to study or have a fun day out is up to you and him. You know bestow to help him manage anxiety. But for god sake how can you be angry with a teacher for suggesting a kid studies before exams.

Think back how many times as a teen adults say things and you say yeah yeah and disregard? You should be studying, I hope you aren't on your phone, fizzy drinks are bad for you etc. If he is in mainstream school he needs to understand these are not always direct instructions but suggestions. That's probably hard for him and your job is to help him interpret, not interrogate him and try to complain to the school.

Yeah this, why does the whole class have to revolve around your son?

And so when they tell the rest of the class, and your son is present...how does that work exactly?

My kids have exams and I tell them that rest and relaxation are important. Absolutely. 100%
I'd raise an eyebrow at a full on full day out at this stage though.

I'd say it sounds as though it might be that your son is interested in doing well in his exams and feels maybe his Saturday with a couple of weeks to go might have been more appropriately used.

You need to change your utterly abhorrent attitude towards your son's teachers incidentally.

And I think that you "having the teacher by the balls" may well turn into the school saying to you on results' day: well, what exactly did you expect? Given you actively encouraged him not to study appropriately.

Gosh. He's a lucky chap to have such an easy-going mother. You're clearly very good at reducing his stress and anxiety from your end.

Sorry but I lost any sympathy when I read your 'balls' comment.

I've been teaching for 26 years. I know exactly what type of parent you are; so, it seems, does your son

This would mean in every class your son is in the teacher cannot mention the importance of exams, or they would have to ask your son to leave for two minutes while they do and then invite him back in. I’m in my 30’s I can remember all our teachers in year 11 advising against holidays and big days out near exams as we needed time to revise and to be well rested. It isn’t a shock he performed poorly in his mocks when he has been brought with little value given to education.

The most worrying thing is that he doesn’t feel safe talking to you.

It sounds like you are focussing on what the school are getting wrong and not appreciating how hard they are working to support your son. Even when you mentioned the good SENCO you had to get in a dig about the useless one before.

Every teacher is not going to get it right every time and honestly, this teacher probably reacted out of shock that your son was going to a theme park right on top of exams.

Given your laissez faire attitude towards DS’s exams compared to the high maintenance mama you’ve been previously, I think this will be the talk of the staffroom.

There are plenty of children that do need to be told they should be focussed on their exams during the exam period and while it might not be what your son needs to hear, the teacher can’t ask him to leave the room every time she needs to say something so simple to the class. I expect they are also being told that they should have rest time too and should try to sleep and eat well.

This has only hit your son hard because you are going against the obvious sensible advice and going on holiday in the middle of the exams. If you weren’t making it so much harder for him to stay in exam and study mindset, the comment could have reassured him that he was doing the rights things.