Re something teacher said to ds

And this approach by a parent is also part of the reason that so many pupils get stressed, it's a problem exacerbated by pushy ball-hugging parents.

I wonder how she tried to extract the culprit's name from her poor son, thumb-screws and bright lights or maybe a truth drug?

My DD is the same. Lockdown was horrible, she had anxiety meltdowns most mornings because she felt she couldn't get through all the work even though her teachers stressed to everyone that all the work didn't need to be completed and they could pick which activities to do.

You sound way too invested in this. Agree that you may think you have them by the balls but they will see you as a pain in the arse and I doubt you have won all these battles, they probably placate to shut you up. Have you got a job? Friends of your own? Don't let this become your life, he'll be leaving soon then you will be bereft and empty rather than purposeful and inappropriate.

DH (a secondary teacher) is bemused at your thread op. While he spends a lot of his time getting yr 11 students to calm down, take down time and plan their revision carefully to avoid burnout ..well a day at Thorpe park and a week hols are at bit at the other end of the scale. Fucking hell, even we aren't going away for half term so he can support the kids he teaches more (DS is toddler).
Me (ex teacher) is so glad I'm no longer teaching at your 'by the balls' comment, I can guarantee you are 'that' parent and part of your sons exam anxiety will no doubt be attributed to your bizarre anti school/anti exam in the staff room.

YABU.

I am sitting professional exams soon, and I am (aside from a few hours off here and there) mainly revising all weekend. I have 3 weekends set aside now until July to do things. The rest of the time, I am working.

If your son wants to do any sort of degree or further qualification, he needs to be told he needs to be working. I am sorry but taking away his revision to go to a theme park is selfish.

Might your son feel a bit less anxious and pressured around exams if he doesn't have holidays and big days out for a bit, so he can do his revision a bit here and a bit there with chill out breaks rather than waiting to do a big cramming session?

If he's hearing other students talk about their revision set ups, the teachers are encouraging the class to revise, and he knows he isn't doing the same while you're being "oh don't worry about it, it'll be fine to do it all last minute"...yeah, I'd be quietly freaking out in his shoes...

No wonder teachers are quitting in droves

You lost my sympathy at ‘have them by the balls’.
What exactly do you mean and exactly how do you have them ‘by the balls’ ?
Do you think the teachers are frightened of you? Because I very much doubt that and you’re just known as one of those parents! Stop blaming the school and teachers for your child’s issues. That’s on you!

I don’t think what the teacher said is unreasonable. If you lived nearby and had a season ticket so you could pop in for 2 hours then fine but it’s likely to be a whole day plus travelling. I’m keeping weekends very chill in the run up to DD’s GCSEs.

It has frustrated me that school keep saying to dc they need to step up their revision… when you have a dc doing max revision already, that’s not helpful. Even her form tutor has said my main role will be to ensure dd does take some downtime. I think I want it all over more than dd does.

But exams are important, no? You can't tell teachers to be dishonest with their students
That said obviously they're not more important than wellbeing (and I think a trip to Thorpe Park sounds lovely, and it's not the teacher's place to dictate if your DS should be going or not)

‘We have them by the balls’
lovely. So the school know that your kid is the child of ‘that parent’.

I doubt you "have them by the balls". Even if they seem to be keeping you happy, I can guarantee you are the talk of the school.

I don't think it's sensible that you assume the exam preparation that worked for you (cramming the night before) will be best for your son. A balance of thorough revision, with some down time is usually better. It also sounds as if your handling of issues with the school is adding to his anxiety?

I wonder whether his teacher told him that he shouldn't be going to Thorpe park or whether there was a comment about revising this weekend. I've been advising that my own classes do small chunks of revision and then have a break, watch a film or go for a walk. Then get back to revising after a decent break. Are you sure that the teacher actually said it or was your son making up his own mind about his revision? Maybe he wants to revise as advised rather than cramming at the last minute and this was his way of telling you of his own priorities. He has got plenty of time after the exams to go to Thorpe park but only two weeks to revise for his exams.

I think your DS has finally reached an age when he's comfortable and able enough to call you out on your drama.

He's allowed to feel annoyed and cross about what the teacher said, but he's also shown that by his "forgetting" which teacher said it, that he thinks you ought to shut the hell up and drop it.
Likely he doesn't want to spoil his last few weeks of school with all his trusted adults raging at each other and causing friction. Let it go, and enjoy Thorpe Park.

Presumably, your DS is soon to venture off into the world on his own. You need to let it happen, without this "I'll kill you all!!" attitude to anyone to causes him the most minuscule of upsets.

You’ve missed the point, he is questioning why he is getting different messages from his parent. Yes it can’t all be revision all of the time but there has to be some sensible parenting so close to exams. He’s beginning to realise that what he is being told isn’t what others are. He’s embarrassed hence won’t say which teacher said it. But he can just revise the night before and he’ll be fine, just like his mum.

One day out on a weekend as a treat bit of downtime for working hard isn't going to harm for goodness sake, as long as he's doing revision all the other times 🙄

I think his comment to you asking why you’re going is very telling. He is likely seeing lots of other kids buckling down, they’ll be talking about their weekend revision time tables etc. Yet your son is being taken for days and out holidays. He probably doesn’t like that you’ve done this. Other kids getting better parental messages, he’s questioning why he isn’t getting the same. But as long as you were okay revising the night before nothing for him to worry about eh?

Quite. I don’t think any of the OP’s a’s and b’s were for English.

When you phone the school to complain, ask them if they can let you have a workbook on punctuation and grammar.

Alternatively, leave the school alone. It was a reasonable thing to say and you could have easily dealt with it by having a conversation with your son.

I don't think it's that bad what she said. You sound a bit too pleased at having a poor relationship with the school and the opportunity this gives you to complain to them which won't help your son.

Agree that he needs downtime but if I told my 16 yo we were going out for the day this close to exams she'd say absolutely not. Ditto going away in half term. Especially half term. It smacks of selfishness on your part.

I appreciate that he has additional needs but you need to give him the best possible shot.

I say this as a teacher and parent of a teenager currently revising like a demon.

You have the entire summer to have a holiday.

Time off during revision is important, but a busy day out doesn't seem like a good idea. Many teenagers would be exhausted after a day at the theme park; this is especially likely to be true for autistic ones. It's not just the missed day of revision, it's getting back into revising afterwards, when he's worn out from the weekend.

At the end of the day you have a boy whose chances of getting through his exams seem pretty hit-and-miss, and teachers who have no doubt put in a lot of hard work over the years and are no doubt pretty annoyed at what sounds like the limited chance being reduced even further by some questionable parenting choices.

Me too. Sometimes you just need someone to listen and validate your feelings.

Exactly - impossible! Bloody glad I left teaching!

As an ex teacher, I dont agree with what the teacher said. Kids need a weekend and downtime.
That said, I wouldn’t get worked up about it. I’d just tell your son that its important he has fun and enjoys things during this time and that there is lots if other time to revise.