Grandparent leaving DS 4 alone in car

Child of the 80s here, my childhood seems to be 90% sitting in cars (typically too hot or too cold) bored out of my tiny mind waiting for adults.

But even then, they'd not have left us in the car with a dog we could reach/touch/unbuckle ourselves to reach/touch - in such situations (We did not have a dog but had a lot of friends we visited/visited us who did..) either the children came and the dog stayed in, or the dog went and the kids stayed in.

I don't think its appropriate to leave such small children in cars, I still recall letting the handbrake off mothers Renault 4 when I must have been 3 or 4, and it rolling across the carpark and her coming out of a shop SCREAAAAAAMING... ugh!

We don't have a dog....that would be part of the risk assessment.
As would the rest of it including where we had parked and whether the child could be trusted to sit still (in the back) or had ever got out of a car seat etc. The weather.
With my youngest often I wouldn't have done either. I would have taken them home and sent OH to the shop if neither option seemed safe or simple.

Really depends on the situation for me. If it is in a quiet place where the child can be seen from inside then yes but otherwise no. The dog is a different situation though.

Buying cereal from the local Tesco Express with its big windows, good view and small car park outside, then yes. Going into a big Tesco Extra, then no, I wouldn't do it. I'd lock the car though so they can't get out.

Not sure about the dog. It depends on the type of dog, but I'd probably put the dog in the boot. And if it was hot in the car then I wouldn't. We generally don't drive with the fan on so we have a fairly good feel for what's too hot or not. Of course I'm also aware of any incline and handbrake useage/failure.

I think unless he’s been told grands would think it was fine as it’s not summer and it used to be a pretty normal harmless thing to do if nipping to a corner shop parked outside.

if in the supermarket car park or something where he’s out of sight then no.

I’ve never owned a dog so don’t know the etiquette on that.

There should be no 'don't tell mummy scenarios'. So tell DD that. Surprises are fine, eg birthday gift, but no secrets.

Where was the dog secured? In a crate away from DD?

I left DS in the car whilst getting petrol but not whilst shopping

Sorry should have said not with a dog too.

I know of a little lad, 6 who was killed when left alone, he decided to get out of the car!

I do if its the express shop where i can see the car the whole time.
Not for any others though. Our local shop has no view of car so i dont.
I wouldn't for a basket shop but run in for milk or whatever then yes

Or the car being hit.
Or the child knocking the handbrake off
Or the child getting out the car and wandering into the road
Or the child or dog over heating
Or the dog turning nasty

I've recently started leaving ds in the car while I nip in a shop. He's 8 and I trust him .

I wouldn't leave him with our dog in the car though (and our dog is just daft)

Does no one leave their car in gear when they park? Slightly OT but if your handbrake fails/is taken off - not sure how a small child could do this with a manual one, I used to struggle if DH had used my car - then the gear holds the car. I never park and leave it in neutral.

No it’s not ok at this age with or without dog, regardless how big is the shop.
I think you should start your conversation gently and trust your gut instincts to judge your DF’s reaction.
It’s a bit of a test imo. My sister would say straight away that she misjudged and reassure that it wouldn’t happen again. And would follow that promise.
My mum would argue and criticize your parenting style and your stupid attitude to safety.
Guess who is more involved into their grandchild’s life.

What sort of car is it? I only ask because ours has an alarm activated by activity within the car so you can’t leave someone in there and lock it or the alarm is constantly triggered.

That said, I’ve never left mine in the car alone. Just not worth the risk in my opinion. Local to us was the mini that didn’t have the handbrake on and it rolled into water. That scared the life out of me.

YANBU. You deal with it by not leaving your child unsupervised with someone you cannot trust.

Did you ask your DP if this actually happened ?

I used to do a risk assessment in my head. In some situations it clearly felt safer to take them in, in others I really seemed safer to leave them in the car.

My concern if leaving them was not what if something happens to them, but what if something happens to me and I don't come back.

In reality abduction is extremely rare....and could easily happen in a shop. So the most likely scenario was someone stealing the car.....and if I was in a place I though that was likely I would take them, but outside my local shop on a quiet road I wouldn't be concerned about that.
And I also reasoned that most people are good....which I genuinely believe. And even most car thieves wouldn't hurt a child.....although obviously I wasn't counting on that I genuinely believed the risk of anything happening was vanishingly small. Whereas....there have been many situations where near misses or accidents have happened because I was trying to manage two children crossing a road or in a shop.

I wouldn’t leave a 4 year old in the car and wouldn’t be happy if a caregiver did it. I would be furious if they also left a dog with DC.
Just bring the child into the shop.

I would never do it—as others have said a four year old can: 1) release the handbrake, 2) get out of the car, 3) get carjacked with the car, 4) get attacked by the dog.

Surprised at the vehemence against the dog
Is the dog actually in the car or the boot?
Are one or both of them still strapped in?
Also, why is the grandparent repeatedly making a special trip to buy “cereal”? Is that code for ciggies?

Not with a dog, absolutely not. My dogs are very gentle & loving with DC, but you just never know.

Even the gentlest dog can snap if they're masking pain and get grabbed in the wrong place.

Nope not acceptable.

My dc let the handbrake off on one occasion when I left them in the car for seconds as they refused to get out and I was carrying lots of bags. The car started to roll forward even though it didn’t even look as if it was on a slope. I could never leave them in the car to go in a shop and definitely not with a dog.

I would never have left my daughter in the car alone under any circumstances until she was much order than four. Having a dog in the car too just makes it even worse.

If he parked right outside the shop, it was a small shop and he could see the car from the window then I think it’s ok. I do it when I’m getting fuel but otherwise do take DC in the shop.

He might not realise he’s done anything wrong but if you’re not happy then he needs to respect that.