AIBU to leave 3yo who doesn't want to?

Of course you go! You can’t let down the bride and groom last minute just because your 3YO says so. But definitely reframe it. I wouldn’t even have mentioned the wedding at that age, or the baby going because of course she’d feel left out and excluded. It would have been all about how she’s having a special fun weekend with Grandma that only big girls can do, not babies

I would leave her with Grandma. She will be fine there. Tbh if Grandma would be ok with it I'd leave both children with Grandma and enjoy a child free night. If you have to take baby though because of breastfeeding or something I would just explain to her why baby has to come but she can't. Honestly can't get my head around not going to a wedding because a 3 year old doesn't want to stay at Grandma's house when Grandma will take care of her.

Another one to say go and have a lovely time. My child at a similar age would cry and not want me to leave but 5 mins after I left would be having a fantastic time. Agree to being really cheerful and reminding daughter that this is a special chance for her to have special big girl time with Granny.

This

She's 3...acceptable to be raised that adults make the decisions.. If she is 6 and still clingy will you never leave her and do anything?

It’s 1-2 nights? I would absolutely go. Your DD will very likely be fine. Very few kids aren’t bummed out when they’re told mum/dad are away, but they usually just get on with it when the time comes.

I recently had to go on a work trip for 4 nights and DH came out to join me for 3 nights. Our twins were super grumpy about ‘sleepover at grannies’. Well we faced timed them every day and they were having a ball. Then when we went to collect them they didn’t want to leave.

I strongly believe it’s healthy to ensure your kids are safe and take that 1% of adult time every once in a while.

I wouldn't go. If she has maintained her time with granny over the last six months I would, but six months is a very long time in the life of a three year old.

Also is grandma going to be doing childcare once you are out of maternity leave? If so you need to start building up again her spending time with grandma without you.

It’s a bit late now, but I’d have done a sleepover a few weeks before for all of you at grandmas house.

reframe as special big girl treat. Get her pick some special snacks to take, possibly a new toy, can grandma call to say how excited she is for their special big girls sleepover.

then I’d be the designated driver, get up at the crack of dawn (6month old will probably help with that) and aim to be collecting her before 10am. Alternatively, can you drive back after the wedding, not stay over? Dd will still need the sleepover at grandmas but you/dh would be able to collect her at breakfast.

Honestly once you’re gone she’ll probably be fine. I would still go because I’m not a fan of children dictating adult lives but that’s not popular on MN! Kids need to learn that sometimes they can’t go to things, she’ll be safe, she’ll be looked after. It’s just life.

I would leave her. She will be safe and no doubt spoilt. I had to leave my nearly three year old to take young baby to hospital for many weeks for surgery. Things I did that helped

1. got her a special little wheel suitcase for her special things to take with her
2. spent the week before filling the bag with wrapped up treats that Granny gave out bit by bit
3. special activities- in my dd case new felt tips and colouring books
4. new Pjs chosen by her
5. new pillowcase chosen by her that I had ‘preloaded with Mummy hugs and kisses’
6. I sent her pictures from baby in post to watch out for ( wouldn’t work in this case but Granny could pop some into letter box?)

I have a child simillar age. And honestly I would struggle to enjoy the day at the idea she was upset but I would know within half an hour they'd be playing and she'd be fine.

Is it a weekday wedding? If so, Have you considered asking the nursery for an extra day/swap instead.

Sorry just seen it's 3.5 hours away.

Id weigh up how much you want to go and inconveniencing the bride and groom against your dds distress.

This is going to sound really stupid but... you did tell her you would be coming back didn't you?

Whose wedding is it?

How long will you be gone?

How far away is it?

It's a tough one as it will cost the wedding couple if you let them down at the last minute.

But your dd is clearly struggling with adjusting to the changes in your life.

Plus you should be able to go have fun and the likelihood is your dd will be fine.

I do understand there may not be other times she gets left whilst mum, dad and baby go out, but next time it could just be mum and dad she was asking not to go, or just mum

I wouldn't go simply because weddings are tedious and more so with a baby.

The points people are making about it being harder next time you need to leave her don’t really add up. She is going off to nursery so obviously can be left. I can’t think of any (realistic) situation other than a “child free” wedding where you and your DH and baby would go away for the weekend and leave her behind. It will really play to her insecurity.

Can you maybe plan something for just you and her either before you go or for when you get back?

I’m not at all saying you shouldn’t go but from her perspective she’s been the only one, and now she has to share you with the baby AND you’re going away with just the baby and leaving her behind. A way to soften the blow might be that she’ll also get some special time with mummy and daddy without the baby so she doesn’t feel left out - even if it’s just a few hours?

What @WhySoManySocks said.

I definitely would not leave her and go with my DH and baby. I think other posters are focussing on the wrong things; yes it takes a village, yes she has a great relationship with granny, yes she needs to learn how things are, but…..knowing you and her father and new sibling are going away together and leaving her behind will quite likely be devastating for her. I do not agree that she will definitely “be all right”. She might be. But she might be badly affected by it emotionally. I’d have one of you go (whoever is closer to the couple).

Personally I wouldn't pull out of a confirmed wedding attendance with a weeks notice, I agree you should go as you would be making things even harder next time you needed to leave her

I assume she hasn’t been having her days with Gran since you’ve been on maternity? That seems the error here - I would have kept that up at least one day. And you need to frame it as having a fun weekend with Gran, I wouldn’t have even said you are going away. It’s so important kids spend time with other adults

I'd consider not going but I'd agree with trying to rephrase it as fun time with grandma and seeing if that helps. Sometimes the fallout of having to leave a child just isn't worth it.

DS goes to spend a few to five days at grandparents a couple of times a year, because he has more time off school than we have annual leave and because they love having him, he's been going for shorter periods from admit the same age as your DD , it has always been dressed up as wild you like to go on a little holiday to Grandma and granddad's? They tell him the things they've got planned etc, before the Easter holidays he actually said school makes me very tired I think I need a little holiday to Grandma's! Which was fortunate as he was there Monday to Friday of the second week of the Easter holidays. He sees it as a real treat. You need to reconsider your messaging.