MIL coming to stay with added extra

My DH and I are from two very different cultures so we have to navigate a lot of differences but this what your DH is doing is just outrageous. I would have gone absolutely ballistic when he said it's ok to have this stranger in the house when you are about to give birth.
Do absolutely nothing for them. If anybody complains state you are obviously about to give birth and they have to take care of themselves. Your DH can host them. If you have already given birth by then just concentrate on you and the baby. Hopefully MIL is actually going to be helpful so you get to rest and eat nutritious food.
You do have to have certain conversations with your DH as you cannot keep living the way that whatever he says goes, that how things are done in his culture is the way you have to do them. You should be a team who discusses things and then you make decisions together.

Even if he's game with that, in effect that would mean his paternity leave will have been spent catering to his overbearing mother.

@MissScarletInTheBallroom my point was directly related to your comment. And your comment was truly awful. Who threatens to deny someone PR over a disagreement? Shocking.

If you can't decamp to parents & they still arrive, get a lock on your bedroom door. You can then at least shut yourself away without worring she can just barge in.

And your partner can shop, make up the beds, cook & clean. Make him aware that you will be concentrating on the baby. He can host his mum, but your needs come first.
He is not to disappear for hobbies.
He is not his mother's taxi/tour guide.
You will not be run ragged whilst she sits & cuddles baby demanding tea/coffee/dinner (obvs I don't know your dp's mum but this would have been my MiL - hence she did not visit).

Best of luck 💐

MIL shouldn't be coming at all, let alone bringing an uninvited guest.

Her partner needs to be nipping that shit in the bud right now, but he doesn't seem to want to.

The OP's welfare is more important than his "rights". (He actually has responsibilities, not rights.)

Of course her child will know where they come from. That's really not the point.

Wow I’d be fuming! I wouldn’t want her let alone a stranger ffs! I’d say this isn’t ok and suggest a hotel. Totally rude.

Oh fuck no.

I would go somewhere else if at all possible.

Failing that, I would do absolutely zero to prep for their stay, or during their stay.

So I'd do what I would normally be doing if they were not coming/were not there. Absolutely nothing else.

Stand firm on this or this is a slippery slope to this kind of bullshit for the rest of your LIFE.

Sorry but I’d go off my tits at this. I couldn’t think of anything worse than having MIL hovering whilst I was in labour, never mind any mates she dragged along.

It seems irrelevant if it’s his culture. It’s not your culture, and you’re the one about to have a baby so your comfort and privacy is paramount.

Coming home with your first born is time you will never get back. I wouldn’t be spending it bickering with DH about who should be hosting and any other issues that may arise with having house guests.

I’d be telling DH to fix this mess now. If he doesn’t, I’d be going to stay with my mum and seriously questioning the relationship.

So the cooking, cleaning, hosting, meal planning etc etc as infinitum is completely up to DH, right??

He knows this???

If not, tell him. You'll be too busy with bambino to cater to the mil plus one.

Honestly, go and stay with your own family if that's an option. Otherwise, tell DH that if he doesn't tell his mother that friend cannot come then you will.

@MissScarletInTheBallroom I still think it's an abhorrent suggestion. So your suggestion is, in effect, that this man should have to go to court to prove paternity of a child we know is his and have the rights he's entitled to because his wife doesn't want a visitor to come to their home. (I don't think MIL should be allowed to bring a guest uninvited btw). But women who lord this kind of thing over a man give the rest of us a bad name. It's a manipulative and ghastly suggestion. Children have a right to know where they've come from. Threatening to make a man have to fight for his parental rights over a disagreement is just appalling.

Just say no, and insist. Your DP needs to learn that this kind of thing isn't negotiable. Cultural norms are irrelevant. Your home, your post-pregnancy, your decision that your MIL's mate can't stay. Makes me angry on your behalf 😡

Your first mistake was phoning her asking if you could get her anything. I would be focused purely on yourself. Let DH do everything if he's the one happy for them to come. Don't you lift a finger!!!

Dp is traditional is he? What marriage before having children? What about respect for your culture and consideration for your comfort at such a vulnerable time? Or is he traditional when it suits him?

This is ultimatum time, He needs to book his visitors a b&b nearby for the duration of their stay or you will move out for the duration.

I think it's emotionally abusive not to prioritise the welfare of your partner when she's about to give birth.

This is just about the one trump card the OP has over a man who doesn't appear to care about her feelings at all.

I would be looking at where else to stay.

Well that's fairly emotionally abusive... threatening to deprive him of his parental rights if he doesn't play ball. Yikes.

I would tell him to postpone his mum's visit, If he insists, Then I'd be off to mum/sister/brother/ best friend , and he could could look after his house guests .

DP you say? Not DH?

I'd be tempted to tell him that if he wants to be named on the baby's birth certificate he needs to prioritise your welfare and arrange for both his mother and her friend to stay somewhere else.

I would hate this and I feel sorry for you. You needed to be more clear that it wasn't welcome to your DH.

This.

Do you get on alright with MIL generally speaking? I know the friend might be a pain in the ass to have in your home, but you might be surprised at how much they will coddle you as a momma to be.

Best thing is to capitalise on your imminent motherhood and rest, rest, rest in your room with Netflix and some good books. DP and the nonnas are well able to look out for themselves!

The most important thing to do is take no guff after baby comes home. You are the mum and the boss in that department. Although to be fair MIL appears to be staying only for a short enough time. If she is staying longer, then make sure you set the boundaries from the get go.

Wishing you a happy and safe birth and hope it all goes well.

Your "h" needs to decide who he'd rather piss off. His mum? Or the woman he is hoping to shag for the rest of his marriage.
And if he favours his mum on this one, then I wouldn't hold out much chance of the marriage surviving long enough for any more shags ever.

I'd tell him either he tells her or I will. Totally unacceptable, especially when he's already forced you to compromise on when she comes in the first place!

I think it's very concerning you don't feel listened to.

You are about to push/deliver this man's baby out, he should be doing everything to make you happy.