MIL coming to stay with added extra

You shouldn't be looking after them. You and your DP should look after you. Think of it as your MIL will have a friend to go out and about with leaving you some downtime rather than feeling you need to entertain her. Personally I wouldn't have had anyone staying with me after my babies were born but given your DP is presumably from a different culture I guess you had little choice.

Honestly. I'd be banning him from the labour and doing literally nothing in the house aside from looking after myself and baby. Appreciate that will not help your relationship, but in your shoes I wouldn't forgive being steamrolled and dismissed by my husband.

Wow fuck that.

It's not your job to be 'fair' to his family right now. Your job is to look after yourself and baby at a very vulnerable time. You won't get this time back.

Absolutely no to the family friend staying. I'd be saying no to MIL as well.

If she's taking liberties like this already then she is going to be an absolute nightmare to live with.

I'm sick of men using 'culture' as an excuse for having things their way.

He's not pregnant, no one is going to be pulling a human out of him, he's not going to be in recovery, or learning to breastfeed. There's no 'fair' in birth,

He can support YOU who is going through this or he can fuck off

I actually think this is easier on you! They can go off and amuse themselves during the day and then cook dinner etc. Your MIL wont be relying on you. Encourage them to go out in the evening also:)Hopefully, they are happy to chat with each other and then you dont have to keep trying to make conversation:)

Get a lock for the j side of your bedroom door.

Retire to your bedroom at every opportunity and let your husband crack on entertaining his mother and the stranger.

I asked him if he could just politely ask his mum to see if the best friend could stay with them and he's refused.

You asked for what you needed, he refused.

I'd be at my mum's, ask my cousin to be birth partner, register the birth alone with my choice of name. Yes, that's nuclear. But he pressed the button first.

And BTW, I know a LOT of Italians and a lot of mixed marriages. The Mamma shit never ends. The only way to counter it is become the Mamma yourself. And they'll still go home to Mamma after arguments.

Oh and if culture was actually important he would have married you before a baby.

@DoreenonTill8 there culture and beliefs are not more important than ours or how we feel. He see why I put a stop to that BS haha

This, I never get that.. oh its a cultural thing, let them do what they want or you're mean..

@AnneLovesGilbert in the beginning, i used to be a pushover and scared to upset her. My husband was a push over and wanted to keep her happy to. She used to turn up and walk into our house pick the baby up
Or take him out of my arms. (She lives here in uk with fil both Italian) She would make comments on how I didn't share the baby with the whole family and how no one has a bond with him because of me. And quite quickly, I lost my shit basically. I started making bitchy comments back to her. I blocked her number haha. Silenced her messages . Told my husband if he didn't sort her out I was leaving I wasn't willing to put up with her shit for the rest of my life. I got tough and put down boundaries. As the months went on my husband started seeing what I saw and how she gets on his nerves as much as mine haha. But if I was you I would seriously put my foot down or they will never ever respect you or your boundaries . She's nicer to me now I've lay down boundaries. Don't get me wrong, she still gets on my nerves. But, I know I'm in control of the situation now if that makes sense? Italians are very forward and open their doors to everyone as I found out when we went over there .

Can you mention this to your midwife?

My friend had an issue with her now ex that she was way too vulnerable to deal with and the midwife went to town on him.

This is a hill to die on. Why does him being cultural override respect for you and your little family? This is so unbelievably unacceptable that you have every right to fight him on this.
Op, the very first moments that you have with your baby and these two people one being a stranger there will have you eaten with resentment for a long time to come. This woman who you don't have a clue about or feel comfortable around, is coming to share the most important and vulnerable moments in your life and that is SO wrong to do to you.

Oh dear, that shows your place in his priorities - further down the list to his mother.

If you don't deal with this now, you can see how your future will be...

My friend’s daughter’s DP is Italian, but his parents respected that they are living here, they didn’t impose themselves at such a vulnerable time or make it about them or their culture. I honestly would go elsewhere if he insists on his DM’s friend staying.

Stop exaggerating, men who aren’t on the BC don’t lose their parental rights 🙄

And she said ‘I’d be tempted’ to say that. She’s not saying to do that.

How do you manage it? Why is their culture more important than yours? I just couldn’t do it.

Oh my god, no fucking way. Is this the first time he’s put his mum’s wants over your needs? How long are they planning to stay and why the fuck does this other person think she’ll be welcome intruding into your home? I’d go absolutely ballistic.

My in laws are Italian amd this is the exact same thing they would try to do. It's a culture thing

Sorry you married a spineless mummy's boy.

Read MIL the riot act.

It's not uncommon for a woman to be on the point of giving birth or have just given birth and find out that actually her partner is a total shit.

If I were in that position and I had a good reason to doubt whether we had a future together or whether he would be a supportive parent I'd think seriously about protecting myself by leaving him off the birth certificate until he'd proven that he wasn't going to be a deadbeat.

Sure, it's a drastic move, but I think a man telling his heavily pregnant partner that not only is his mother coming to stay in THEIR house and there is to be no discussion about it, but she's also going to bring a random friend and there is to be no discussion about that either, is absolutely fucking appalling.

I'd echo what others have suggested about the OP going to stay with her family if possible, but why should she have to leave her own home with her newborn baby just because her partner can't prioritise her and her needs at such a vulnerable time?

OP needs to make it clear that there will be times when he needs to choose between his mother and his partner, and if he can't choose his partner when she is giving birth, the family they are creating together is off to a very bad start.

Christ on a bike some people/cultures are so fucking insensitive. I am a very sociable person (well used to be) but I even hated visitors until I stopped leaking from every orifice. DH needs to intervene here.

Fuck that, if you dont put your foot down now he's going to constantly override your wishes and comfort forever.

Tell him he got his way with his mother. If he allows this to happen then you will be going to stay elsewhere until she's gone. Either with family or a hotel. Whatever.

You have to make this point to him. He doesn't have your best interests at heart.

All of this. You need to speak up and put some boundaries in place

Not a fucking chance. Either he tells her she can't bring her friend or you change the locks and the lot of them can fuck off.

Is it possible to stay with your mother?

Or can you afford a cheap airbnb in the area for the duration of their visit? Even just to call his bluff "if your mum and her friend are more important than me I've found an airbnb I'll be stopping at for the duration of their visit. I'll let you know when I'm giving birth to your baby."

"She shouldn't need to ask" in whose fucking world do you not even need to ASK if your friend can stay at the house of a woman giving birth imminently????!!!!

@Sapphire387 I'm not implying that he's making the right choice. I'm simply saying that threatening to deny him PR and saying he won't be put on the birth certificate is disgusting. It's essentially saying "I'm the mother and I don't like what you're doing so I'm going to make you fight for your legal responsibilities regarding the child"

What kind of a man allows his mother and her friend to come and stay when his partner is about to give birth and is very clearly uncomfortable with it? He's hardly showing himself to be good father material, given that he can't prioritise the woman who is carrying his child.