MIL coming to stay with added extra

'Cultural differences ' is a catch all phrase used to cover all sorts of rude behaviour. Tell them that in your culture people don't invite themselves into another person's home and certainly don't invite random strangers.

OP, can you do as many other posters have suggested and go and stay with your family?

It is absolutely unacceptable that your MIL thinks she's coming to stay with you for three months, over the birth of your baby, bringing a friend, and that you don't have any say in the matter.

Who owns the house?

But this isn't part of OP's culture and she's the one who is giving birth. DP and his mum need to respect OP's culture. She doesn't want Mil staying with them so Mil needs to stay in a hotel and only visit when Op agrees (not everyday).

In my youth I spent a couple of summers in Greece. All the Italian mama's boys spent their time clogging up the phone systems calling home - you've managed to find yourself a grade A mama's boy and honestly I don't think there much hope of anything changing once the baby is born. DP is showing you where his priorities lie and you should take note. If you don't want this to be your life you're going to have to make a massive stand now. In your shoes I would pack a bag and stay with any family or friend who is understanding of the situation and will help rather than hinder at this point. This is an actions speak louder than words situation on both sides - if you want DP to take notice, you are going to have to take some pretty drastic action.

“I've also said that whilst I'm in I don't want visitors.”

You tell the medical staff- you don’t want MIL there. They’ll deal with her.

Realistically I don’t think you plan to challenge this situation. You’ve said his mum is off limits, so you’ll need to work around it. DP? He wants to be traditional but not the part that involves marriage… (🤔and what does mummy think about that? I hope you are working and protecting yourself financially OP. )

Can you stay with your mum? I did and I was 40. It was fabulous! DM did everything, I slept, ate and walked my dog, until the last month when family/friends took it in turns. DH stayed too work depending- he used to have to work away a lot.
Alternatively I’d take myself off for the day, shopping, walking, coffee shops with a book (you don’t have to drink a coffee, there are other drinks) then spend most of the time in my bedroom reading, resting, and making myself scarce!

All manner of bad behaviour is badged as "culture ". He's an adult sized mummy's boy.

OP if I were you I'd tell MIL you don't have the space in a small flat for 2 additional adults and a new baby. End of. Call it culture.

Unfortunately it seems that your partner just goes along with everything his Mum says. This is going to have to change. Sounds like nothing as challenging as this has arisen before and the timing is not good as you could go into labour any time and just don't need the stress. I personally could not have coped with MIL and her friend in the house, I just couldn't. I think you have two choices. Firstly go along with what's been suggested, but absolutely do not host. Having said that I don't think you'll need to as your MIL and friend will take over cooking and the running of the house.
Or secondly, have it out with your partner and tell him that you can't deal with this situation and if it continues as planned, you'll be going to your Mum's or maybe to your friend's.
What a difficult situation for you -.your wishes should be priority, not your Mil's.

Please tell your husband (again) you don't want his mum or her friend coming to the hospital or staying at the flat so soon after the birth - especially for several months!! It's not like she lives on the other side of the world (even so that's too long). If he says no then go and stay with your parents or someone else if possible. I was in a lot of pain and bleeding a lot for several weeks after giving birth.

Also tell the midwives that you don't want your Mil coming into the ward/delivery room. They will turn her away. She sounds like a nightmare so say no and get away from the flat if she turns up!

Personally....

Your needs and wants should he first... currently they are last.
Everyone wants a ticket to the baby show and sod how @Babycatsmummy feels.

Your DP doesnt get it. Ideally someone needs to sit him down and tell him what a dick he is being...ideally not you as he wont listen.

Your friend is your birthing partner - stick with that.
Tell the midwife now about mil and advise the hospital staff too.

Personally i would move in with my parents (newborns honestly dont need much)

I hate to say this because you are probably already exhausted and frazzled but if you dont make this a big issue and sort this now it becomes MUCH worse over time

Prekids - My dh and i only ever argued about his mum. now we argue almost daily thanks kids 😅. I basically had to go nuclear for him to man up and manage his mother...
It culminated in me literally leaving the house from 9-6 and going to my mothers for 3 days in a row when mil was invited for one night at the weekend and decided to descend for a week long stay.

TBH I would move in with your family. This is pretty ridiculous. Your DH is unable to stand up to his mother, doesn't support you and you are unable to stand up for what you want. The only way is to tell him you are leaving unless he sorts this out. And mean it.

💯 this! MIL, her friend and your DP can fuck right off. The cheek of it!
MIL and friend might actually be nice ladies who "just want to help"(?) but they really should know better.

I’d move out!

He needs to decide whether he actually wants to be a family with the OP and her baby or not.

Right now he's acting like he doesn't.

What family do you have? Can you stay with them?

Your advice is to start using her baby as a weapon before it's even born, what awful advice! 🤦

Expectations? No. Rules. You will be a mom soon
(good luck)!
I'm familiar with that culture.
Stay firm.
💝

Both your husband and MIL are being very selfish here, him more so as it is his job to support you at such a vulnerable time. I agree with previous posts saying you are not to host, leave this to him and make it very very clear this is what you will be doing. Stand firm in your boundaries around birth and early days with baby afterwards. Stay with your own family if needed, and lean on them for support if your DH is not listening. Definitely speak to midwives in hospital to make it clear about visitors you want to be allowed in, and who you don’t. Hopefully once your husband has seen you go through labour (which as magical as new life is, is still a huge medical event!!), and you’re both in the thick of it with a new baby early days post-partum, the penny might drop. I think a lot of men are naive to what birth/post partum is actually like until it happens and he will soon realise you’re not up to hosting any guests at all and may suddenly change his tune once the pressure is on him…

No pregnant woman wants a stranger in their nest. It’s against all animal instincts.

Go to your mum’s. Leave him to host. Tell your Mother-law you need some peace before baby arrives.

Just saw .... THREE MONTHS?!! (At least as no.return ticket) she's going to move in and you'll be expected to be greatful! Get your family over, clear the bed from the spare room and fully nursery-fy it so they can't stay there..... how lovely of your family for the surprise!...

Absolutely this, am sure read a post recently where the dgc go and spend ALL holidays abroad with the gp as its 'tradition' and if the mum wants to spend alls with her children she needs to go to the inlaws home...

You can tell the midwife you don’t want her there and they will get her to leave.
my MIL was a pain in the arse when I had my baby. You will find your voice once the baby arrives, don’t let her take over. Good luck

Agree with everyone who says to tell the medical team to not let your mil near you in labour and afterwards. Tell your mil that she and her friend are not putting a foot inside your flat. Tell your dh to arrange a hotel. If he does nothing and lets his mother and friend stay then you stay with your family. After the birth once you are recovered get legal advice on moving forward as a single mother.

This would be absolutely a no from me and I am/was very laid back compared to what seems to be the norm.

Your dp has 2 choices

1. Accept you will go to parents/sister/friend for the first two to three weeks after having baby. A place you can sit comfortably in bed, or the garden, rest, feed in privacy if you want and not have to cater to guests. He, his Mum and her friend can have your flat.
2. He tells his Mum she can come when baby is 2-4 weeks old, stay for 2 weeks and best friend can't come. Oh yes and that his Mum must book a return fight before arrival.

The end.

Do not accept this @Babycatsmummy it will only be the start of no boundaries and being pushed into things you aren't comfortable with as a Mum otherwise.

It may be their cultural norm- but it is not yours! And yours is the one that matters when it’s your house and your baby! Say NO OP, don’t let them trample all over your boundaries.