MIL coming to stay with added extra

I really hope you can resolve this. Your MIL and her friend are terrible people. Your partner is horribly weak. I get the excitement from relatives, but they need to temper these with your needs and wants.
if your only course of action is to move in with your birthing partner then do it for your sanity. I wish you joy when your beautiful baby arrives.

Why do the pushy cultures get everything their way? The OP needs to tell him, his mother and the cuckoo that in this country it isn't acceptable to dump oneself on anyone, family or not. It's appalling that she's planning to leave her own home because of these three inconsiderate people, if anyone should leave it's those three.

If it’s a done deal and will be more agro than it’s worth to fight it I would put this plan in action

1. Agree it might be quite nice to have female company
2. Do the very minimum to prepare and say you’ll leave it til after they arrive to make final arrangements etc so they can have a say
3. Fake a twisted ankle or back injury just before they arrive and act out your best imaginary disappointment you can’t do more to welcome them
4. Wait for them to do absolutely everything to look after themselves, you and the baby because you’re in a hideous degree of pain - but unbelievably frustrated you can’t do more to host them.
5. Sit back, hide your smile and secretly relax

100 % go to your birthing partners house, relax there and be very kind to yourself. I think you need to be strong from the very beginning and explain to your partner that he and his mother will not be making the decisions! If needs be do not return home until she has found somewhere else to stay (or at least her friend has). Stand up for yourself with her every single time, honestly my mil is lovely by comparison but it was still tricky after I had my baby. Be strong, lean on your birthing partner she sounds great. Good luck with everything x

I won't ever understand this.

I didn't meet my grandson for 3 months. Planned this way. My son wanted me there right away, I talked to my bonus daughter, she and I discussed HER needs. And while my first little grand nugget was in NICU for 2 months, I reminded my son that his father (we have been separated for decades) and I have NO rights to that baby, and that because SHE is having the child, SHE gets to determine when and where people were to visit.

I will never understand these entitled gp's. I live 2 states away, I visit when I can, and I ASK for video chats, never demand. Because I raised mine, and it's their turn.

When you go into hospital make your midwife aware who your birth partners are and that your definitely not wanting any visitors at visiting time. They are pretty strick in the UK. You could always ask the receptionist not to allow visitors as well as visitors need to buzz themselves in and say who they are visiting for security reasons.

I'd go to your friends house and stay a bit and don't let them stress you out. You don't need this now. If it was me I'd buy some 1 person ready meals to keep yourself fed and just concentrate on your baby and do nothing else. Also stand by your guns and bring the baby up your way not your MILs way as her advice is probably outdated now. My mother thought babies had to sleep on their front and was completely clueless about safe sleep and carseats ect.

Hope you have gone to your friends and having a relaxing time.

100% go and stay at your friends house, when you go in to hospital you tell them under no circumstances is the MIL allowed near you.
Husband needs to stop acting like a nob

YADNBU. dont lift a finger.

There's some absolute areseholes posting on here. I'm guessing they're either men, awful mils or live under a bridge.

Hope you're ok @Babycatsmummy

Can you not go and stay with your parents? I wouldn’t tolerate this having had two children of my own. You’re going to be vulnerable, hormonal, uncomfortable and nervous. Why would your DH place you in this position with all of this going on? You should be calling the shots, not him. I’d actually leave if I had somewhere to go and wouldn’t return until I had my house back, free of guests. This is awful. He should be prioritising you, not his bloody mother.

‘Do as you’re told, woman. Know your place and let everyone walk all over you. ‘

Honestly, the OP is the one who is actually giving birth. Everything should be about her. And now the whole thing is about two women who have invited themselves over to stay with her while she has a baby - I.e. literally the very last thing you want after you have a baby is two fucking houseguests, one of whom you’ve never even met. It’s outrageous.

I would be so fucking incandescent, you would be able to see the mushroom cloud from the moon.

Does he always ignore what you say?

This isn't on, and your DH has got his priorities totally wrong.

To cope with it, either move back with your parents as you need people around you who are putting you first whilst you are putting your new baby first. The most important person in the world to a newborn is their mum, they need you.

Or, stay in your own house and start writing that list of things the Nonna and her friend can do for you - a months worth of home cooked meals in the freezer, meal planning and shopping - 'we love the sainsburys here, it would be great if you could sort the food shopping while you stay as you know what food you will want to cook', please could you deep clean the shoe cupboard, cupboard under the sink, so glad you are here Nonna, you will know how to do all these jobs while we bond with our baby. Here is how yo do the laundry. Pile it on as thick as you can, with love, and maintain control. Do not make yourself sick while trying to keep up ridiculous standards of hosting - this is a vulnerable and precious time, people around you should have your best interests at heart (and they can have their cuddles while you have a shower and eat the food they have made you!) It's wonderful to have help, but it actually has to help or it is just intrusion. Finally if it is 'cultural' - then surely your culture and expectations are worthy of half the input else it is just bullying. Good luck, having a little one to stand up for will help you find the bravery you need.

There's been a misunderstanding. Your home obviously isn't open to guests right now, sorry, MIL included.

DP can start listening and make alternative arrangements for them or watch you make alternative plans for yourself moving forward.

His lack of respect and refusal to listen to you are obvious red flags.

I'm so glad you're going to your friends house. Stay there until the women have gone.

You need to stay firm or the next 20 years are going to be a complete nightmare. Your DP is unbelievably selfish and inconsiderate. Definitely move in with family if you can and let him pander to his mother

She sounds pushy and just out to suit herself. Be firm otherwise she will push her way around you and your dp and baby. DP could be more supportive too but that’s another battle. Good luck with the birth and enjoy your baby.

Both.Barrels.

That's all.

I'd be packing up my stuff and going straight to the friend's and then ti my parents until the pair of them left.

Horrible situation. But you've got to show him you mean business.

Poor OP.

@Overthebs my Mil kept telling me how lucky I was.

I always say you never ever forget how people treated you post birth, you remember the amazing ones - but you also remember how people made you feel so shit and something you can’t ever let go off- because it’s often women who have themselves been post partum!! And you think wow can’t believe you don’t remember or you do and you don’t care, so insensitive !

Ow OP I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Pre and post partum are the most sensitive and precious times and I absolutely would not have tolerated anyone else being around let alone a friend of MIL. Your hormones are all over the place, you’re tired and a mess most of the time, you want to be alone with the option to have visitors not that people are forced upon you 24/7.
And your DP is bang out of order, his mum comes before your and subsequently your babies well-being, I don’t think so.

Go and stay with your birthing partner/friend immediately and let him think about what’s truly important to him, actions speak louder than words and until he realises you’ve been backed into a corner to make these decisions by his and his mothers actions.. otherwise he’ll never change his ways.

Good luck you’re doing amazing! X

Just no.

This is your time, with your new baby, it’s about you both learning to be parents. You will also need to recover, and I couldn’t think of anything worse than having my MIL and now her friend lurking.

Politely decline and ask they rent an air bnb or something. You won’t ever experience the magic of having your first again, you need to soak it up. X

Absolutely do not let your DP or his family dictate what is happening.
You decide what you want and do it.
U are the one with all the pain/hormones/baby etc so what you want goes.

@MsCactus

Mine was also ruined by over bearing unkind judging in laws.
When I look back at how dreadfully I was treated and how I put up with it to her face! Because I was literally stunned from the birth, no one can ever prepare you for that, stunned by the baby, stunned by everything and walking stooped because my lower back hurt so much, afraid to wash because of cuts and so on. And in that emotionally vulnerable and fragile state, on a come down from pethidine and gas and many hormones my Mil went for a the jugular.

I will never ever forgive her nor fil and one can't stress how sad it is to have those amazing once in a life memories tainted by such dreadful people.