MIL coming to stay with added extra

What a prick. Has he ever read a pregnancy book? Does he realise you're at the end stages of growing an entire human being inside you and you're knackered and vulnerable?

Only half joking, has MIL even noticed you're not there while she's so busy organising get togethers with her friends? Anyway well done on getting out - you've got this and deserve a stress free birth.

Well done and good for you! The MIL’s behaviour is absolutely unacceptable. Keep us posted.

I'm so sorry it's reached this point but bloody hell, well done for actually following through with what you told him would happen. You've centred your needs which is exactly what should have been happening from the start. It sounds like you are now in a good place, with someone supportive, where you can focus on what you and the baby need.

I'm sure your shitty 'partner' and his nightmare mum will try to frame it as you keeping him away from his child but stay focused. It's not that at all, it's about you doing what is for the best for the two of you, because he is chosing not to.
On a practical level do you have, or could you brilliant friend help you get hold of, all the baby gubbins if you end up staying there longer term and after the baby arrives?
Best of luck with it all and a big cheer for your friend for stepping up like this. What an incredibly person to have in your coner.

@Babycatsmummy

Well done for moving to your friend/birthing partner's home and for the calm and decisive way you are dealing with your idiot, unsupportive "partner". He now needs to deal with his mummy and the trailing friend. Hopefully you managed to get everything out if your home for you and the baby that you needed - and have enough funds for the next few weeks/months (maybe transfer 50% from any joint accounts, including savings into a bank account solely for you, that he can't access.

A couple of bits of housekeeping whilst you can:

• Let your maternity team know that the ONLY person to have access to you and your baby in the maternity ward and, most importantly birthing room, is your birthing partner friend, who can advocate for you. You cannot trust your "DP" to advocate for you here when you are so vulnerable
• If your salary goes into a shared/joint account, ensure they have the new bank details if you open a new, personal online account;
• get on to CMS so that he starts paying child maintenance for the new baby ASAP. CMS can liaise with him with minimum effort from you
• ensure you claim child benefit and that it goes into your own personal bank account. This will benefit YOU for National Insurance and State Pension benefits

Very good luck to you and your baby my dear and to a happy, stable future. 🌹

Good on you. You did the right thing. I'm in awe! Good luck with the birth. I hope DH cops on and does the right thing by you.

Glad you are with your birthing partner now @Babycatsmummy and away from your partner and his Mum. Stay strong and don't let him know when the baby is actually on its way or this Mother will also turn up at the hospital

I'd pack my bags and go and stay with my own mum! Your MIL is a CF and your (D)H is enabling her! MIL isn't a close friend of yours, and you're the one giving birth!

Well done for prioritising your needs OP, you have done the right thing. And his mother's reaction to all this just proves it. Never mind the fact that a decent person would not have bombarded you the way she has, but the minute she arrived and saw you were not there if she in any way cared about you she would have tried to make it right. As it is she is trying to erase your presence from your own house and using it as an opportunity to have her mates over!

I don't think this is a territorial dispute you can (or should want to) win. They clearly have a very dysfunctional relationship that is set to continue.

The most important thing to focus on now is the birth, but in your shoes I would also update my family and social circle on the events so that he cannot twist things and they won't ask awkward questions in the coming weeks while you prepare for the birth. Make sure you have everything you need from the house and get yourself fully set up and then put your feet up.

Let him spend the rest of his life trying to make mummy happy.

Firstly you are amazing! Well done handling it the way you have....you must be worried but I think this will show you who your partner truly is.

The fact that she is in your bedroom pulling it apart is actually unsurprising...what a horrible invasion of your private space and probably a good clear visual of all that you were in store for had you have stayed!
I'm so pleased you have said no to all this nonsense. X
Keep your boundaries clear and try to enjoy the run up to the birth as much as you can x all the best

Fingers crossed he does the right thing. If he doesn't, remember to let the labour suite know that no other guests are welcome besides your birthing partner as I suspect his DM will try to force her way onto the ward if not the actual birthing room!

Also, hope you tore him a new one for allowing his DM to go into your private space and rearrange everything as if it is her house. It's your home, I'm raging for you 😤

I hope the birth goes well, I have no doubt your birthing partner will make sure you are looked after

He is an absolute arsehole 😡 however, you know where you stand and can plan accordingly. Did you take the baby things you will need?
As far as the birth goes, you could wait until you were settled in at the hospital and inform him, let the midwives know the situation and have your amazing friend stand guard. Though if he actually turned up with his mother that would be next level. At least you would know you had given him every opportunity. I cannot believe him though. He has not even attempted to show you he cares. Well done for standing your ground. If need be will your friend put you and baby up for the full 3 months? You can't go back to that house OP, it would wreck you me tally when you should be enjoying your baby.

Good luck with it all OP,I wouldn't worry about him missing the birth,it wasn't you who put him in this position.

Wishing you all the best babycatsmummy. Hope it all goes well for you.

Don't feel terrible if he misses the birth.

It won't matter one way or the other.

You have to think of yourself.

I would tell him bluntly that if he wants to be informed when you’re in labour he needs to tell MIL to leave today.

You have been so strong at such a tough time, I am in awe of you!

Hope the birth goes swiftly and splendidly!

What an awful man he is, but I am so pleased the situation is now in your control. Stay strong for you and your baby OP. There’ll be time to work all this out later, right now your stress levels and health are the only thing that matters.

Your birthing partner sounds like a brilliant human being.

Yes.

My goodness!
I would’ve stood up for myself if my husband was too weak too! I’d have text MIL & told her you’re looking forward to seeing her after the baby is born but could she stay elsewhere as you need time and space alone before and after the birth!
3 months!!!!…. This would have me setting up the cot and baby things at my birthing partners and telling DH he’s spineless and unless he puts you first he needs to consider himself divorced! What a horrible inconsiderate man!

please update us @Babycatsmummy and let us know you’re ok

Go and stay at friend's. I'd go day before MIL arrival so it's explicitly clear why you're going. I'd stay at friend's until my house is vacated. I'd tel DH/P that if MIL is still at house after the birth when we're due home, you will ill not be going home and that may be a permanent decision. Only say this if you mean it.

You say you've had no issues before. Probability is that you his is not due the how good your DH/
P or relationship is hit simply because nothing major has ocme up before. I learnt this after 17 years of being with someone thinking we had the relationship that people dream of. The universe showed me how naive and deluded I was.

And toe all the comments sating it's a cultural difference etc. I'm Italian. This is absolutely NOT normal there either.

Congratulations and best of luck. Your life is about to change in ways you can't imagine and it will be very worth it

is the understanding thag MIL is coming to take care of you and baby? that’s the only way a cultural difference may manifest.

OP, i think people fall in a spectrum of wanting to be physically connected to baby at all times and handing them out like chips in the first weeks (or months!) postpartum. Wherever you fall in this spectrum has to be respected.

If that’s the case and MIL is coming to help, say clearly to everyone that YOU/ DP will be caring for the baby while DP and MIL will help take care of you. That includes all the cooking cleaning folding baby clothes around the house while you chill out and bond with your newborn.
You don’t hand baby over unless you are happy to do so.

Take the help but do not make yourself uncomfortable in your own home. if you want to sit around in a nappy with baby on your boob, so be it, they can be around or they can get out. it may help to have a postpartum plan eg. a week in bed, a week around bed type of thing can help set the expectation.
also… have a return date set. if it’s working out fine and you’re enjoying the help, fine to extend, if you want to be alone in your home, time to go. if you have any family around, that might help too to act as buffer and set boundaries - a feisty mum or sister is a godsend.

I really really hope your DP stands up for you and sets boundaries. if not, do it yourself and don’t let these dimwits ruin what is already a very difficult but special time.

Good luck with baby and the other big baby needs to cut the apron strings from mama

And this is where is starts... Your husband takes zero interest in your needs and his mums need will always trump yours.

Or you could take a stand and refuse to allow her to stay. And your husband can go stay with her if he doesn't like it.

In all honesty, the moment you give in and your husband doesn't respect your wishes in your home there is no hope. It just baffles me why your wishes are not being considered. Your husband is a dick for allowing her to come. Child birth is a huge change, for your body, your mind, your life, you need a few weeks to recover without stress. An by the sounds of it, you ain't gonna be getting any down time...