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Boyfriend kisses gay friends on the lips

58 replies

Lilaclala · 26/04/2024 14:53

My partner has a few gay friends that he's known for years. He met them all through a friend. I went on a night out with him and them recently and was quite taken aback to see him greet one of them with a peck on the lips and then later kissed the same man on the hand at the bar. He's a friendly jokey person in general but am I right in thinking this is a step too far and a bit unnecessary and inappropriate, especially in front of his partner?

OP posts:
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CuriousMoe · 30/04/2024 13:23

Jc2001 · 28/04/2024 21:13

Ok.. how would you have felt if, in a fit of excitement your husband grabbed your best friend and gave him a big kiss on the lips? There's a big difference.

My best friend... not a problem. Someone I didn't know, it would probably be different. As I said in my post.

TedTheCat · 29/04/2024 21:34

wombat15 · 28/04/2024 22:25

You responded to my question on why posters were telling op to ltb if he was bi.

You said I had told the OP to leave and I hadn’t. I had only said what I would do.

If others tell OP to leave, so what? That is why I said ‘and?’ OP has expressed discomfort, so if posters opinions are that she should ltb, rather than be with m someone who makes her uncomfortable with his actions, there’s nothing wrong with that. OP is asking for opinions by posting. People say LTB all the time for various things. And?

Gunkle1 · 29/04/2024 00:04

As a gay man. I have lots of straight male friends who have at times kissed me on the lips. It isn't anything deeper than banter and usually at their initiation.

OP you have to have an open conversation, and decide if this is a deal breaker for you. No one can't really answer as you might be OK if he is bi or not.

Prrambulate · 28/04/2024 23:53

Lilaclala · 28/04/2024 20:36

Would you say this is dump worthy behaviour?

If he does not desist after you’ve told him you’re uncomfortable with it, yes absolutely it is.

wombat15 · 28/04/2024 22:25

TedTheCat · 28/04/2024 21:54

I’ve done no such thing. Why are you making things up? 🤡

OP asked for other people’s thoughts, I gave mine.

You responded to my question on why posters were telling op to ltb if he was bi.

TiptoeThroughTheToadstools · 28/04/2024 22:16

Regardless of his sexuality, would you be comfortable if he greeted female friends in the same way? I think it's a bit disrespectful to you that he does this with any friend, male or female. It's different if it's a one time thing, that's banter, but to greet them that way every time, I'd say that's not on.

TedTheCat · 28/04/2024 21:54

wombat15 · 28/04/2024 21:21

We aren't talking about your preferences though. Why you you telling someone else to LTB just because they have a characteristic you don't want in a partner?

I’ve done no such thing. Why are you making things up? 🤡

OP asked for other people’s thoughts, I gave mine.

Whitewatergrafting · 28/04/2024 21:32

He's definitely bisexual as a minimum.
That said, if he was straight and doing this to women, even in a joking way, that wouldn't be acceptable either. Dump and run I say.

Londonrach1 · 28/04/2024 21:31

Your boyfriend is gay or bi. It's vvvv unusual for a straight man to kiss another man on the lips.

Supersimkin2 · 28/04/2024 21:29

Lipkissing is how gay guys greet each other in safe spaces.

Banter it ain’t.

wombat15 · 28/04/2024 21:21

TedTheCat · 28/04/2024 19:07

And?

I would dump a man if I found out he was bisexual. It’s not terrible but I want my partner to be straight not bi.

We aren't talking about your preferences though. Why you you telling someone else to LTB just because they have a characteristic you don't want in a partner?

Jc2001 · 28/04/2024 21:13

CuriousMoe · 27/04/2024 19:23

Hmmm… I think it depends. Has it happened more than once? My best friend is gay and he and DH get on like a house on fire. In a fit of excitement when very drunk at our engagement party my best friend grabbed DH face and gave him a big kiss on the lips. It literally wasn’t a big deal at all. DH wasn’t bothered, in fact one of his slightly backwards friends commented that he’d “have smacked him for it” and DH told him to grow up.
It was a one off though and they know each other very very well. Not sure how I’d feel about it if DH was instigated big smooches on lot’s of men I didn’t know though.

Ok.. how would you have felt if, in a fit of excitement your husband grabbed your best friend and gave him a big kiss on the lips? There's a big difference.

TheTartfulLodger · 28/04/2024 20:40

Lilaclala · 28/04/2024 20:36

Would you say this is dump worthy behaviour?

Personally I'd find some of the homophobia on this thread more dump worthy behaviour

Lilaclala · 28/04/2024 20:36

Would you say this is dump worthy behaviour?

OP posts:
TedTheCat · 28/04/2024 19:07

wombat15 · 28/04/2024 19:01

I appreciate that personal preference is allowed but people are telling OP to LTB if he bisexual as if that is a something terrible rather than personal preference.

And?

I would dump a man if I found out he was bisexual. It’s not terrible but I want my partner to be straight not bi.

wombat15 · 28/04/2024 19:01

TedTheCat · 28/04/2024 18:50

Some of us don’t want to date someone who is bisexual. I wouldn’t.

Personal preference is allowed when dating.

I appreciate that personal preference is allowed but people are telling OP to LTB if he bisexual as if that is a something terrible rather than personal preference.

ComeAlongPeggy · 28/04/2024 18:54

@wombat15 I wouldn’t want to date someone bisexual. Lots of us seem to feel the same.

ComeAlongPeggy · 28/04/2024 18:53

Nope. I wouldn’t want to be with a man who kissed men on the lips. That’s not a heterosexual man. (Unless it’s a very close family member)

It’s also disrespectful to you.

TedTheCat · 28/04/2024 18:50

wombat15 · 27/04/2024 23:05

Why is it a problem if he is bi though?

Some of us don’t want to date someone who is bisexual. I wouldn’t.

Personal preference is allowed when dating.

Kittenkitty · 27/04/2024 23:28

It just sounds a bit attention seeking to me, I wouldn’t find it disrespectful, but I’d be cringing.

wombat15 · 27/04/2024 23:05

GoodnightAdeline · 27/04/2024 21:01

Would he kiss a very unattractive female on the lips by way of a greeting?

OP, he’s gay or bi, and hiding in plain sight - don’t wait to stumble across his search history just get rid

Why is it a problem if he is bi though?

Prrambulate · 27/04/2024 23:02

I agree with the idea that he trying to be ultra inclusive by actively embodying the mannerisms of gay friends

CasperGutman · 27/04/2024 22:59

EnglishBluebell · 27/04/2024 18:26

@CasperGutman I have never, ever kissed my child on the lips and would never! That's just wrong on multiple levels

You're entirely at liberty to not kiss your child on the lips, but plenty of people think it's perfectly normal behaviour.
e.g., Victoria Beckham apparently, and lots (though by no means all, I grant you) of the posters on the numerous mumsnet threads there have been on this very subject.
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/shortcuts/2016/jul/13/kissing-your-child-on-the-lips-is-perfectly-acceptable
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3873214-do-you-kiss-your-kids-on-the-lips

Kissing your child on the lips is perfectly acceptable

The photograph of Victoria Beckham kissing her daughter on the lips has provoked a backlash. But such intimacy is simply ordinary loving behaviour

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/shortcuts/2016/jul/13/kissing-your-child-on-the-lips-is-perfectly-acceptable

GoodnightAdeline · 27/04/2024 21:01

Lilaclala · 27/04/2024 20:58

In all other ways he comes across as very stereotypically straight. He says he's just very confident in who he is. I just wonder why he needs to, especially as he was the one who initiated it. A friendly hug would have been more appropriate. I was right next to him. I've just never seen behaviour like this before from a straight man. It's almost like he flirts with them and enjoys the attention

Would he kiss a very unattractive female on the lips by way of a greeting?

OP, he’s gay or bi, and hiding in plain sight - don’t wait to stumble across his search history just get rid

Lilaclala · 27/04/2024 21:00

TedTheCat · 27/04/2024 18:58

How long have you been together?

I’d dump my partner if he kissed friends on the lips, regardless of their sex or sexuality.

2 years

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