Cancelling visits with in laws

Do you work full time? Is there any time that the baby can go to nursery when you aren't working so that you get some free time to yourself? You are not a pathetic failure, sounds like you've single handedly raised a 15 month old and gone back to work 👏 but I do think you need some support so speak to your health visitor or GP please 💐 it gets better x

If you are working, baby at nursery, take a days holiday, don't take baby out of nursery. Take a day of self care, if your twat of a dh won't help you, do it yourself. Clean your teeth when you get to work.
Your Mil is disabled and not able to help so don't focus on that.
In your day of self care visit GP and check no underlying illness, you can't care for your child if you are ill.

OP you sound so low please reach out to someone professional. And with everything you've said here, I'd seriously consider what exactly your husband brings to the relationship & whether you'd be better off apart - he might then at least parent his own child occasionally and you get a break! He sounds like a selfish prick tbh

I think you're focussing your displeasure on the wrong person. WTAF is your "D"H playing at, giving you so little support you have developed dental problems from self-neglect? Or would his version be rather different and you've absolutely insisted that you do everything and not allowed him a look in, but now complain as to how you've martyred yourself?

Either way, MIL is not your issue. Your DH needs to step up...

I would have said if she had like a 2 hour journey planned in advance, you shouldn't cancel unless you have a really good reason. If she lives 10 minutes away, why does it even need planning in advance?? You could just call her on the day and ask if she wants to come over, and vice versa?

Have you really not had a break in 10 months or was that a huge exaggeration?

I'm sorry you're having a hard time. Having a baby is hard, but especially if you have a particularly needy baby.

Your MIL sounds very odd but you're focusing on the wrong thing. Your issue is 100% your husband. He should be parenting too.

Your husband and his family won’t support you, clearly. So reach out to your health visitor, GP, friends and your own family for support. You need positive people who care about you to get you through this, and that’s not your MIL.

You have a major DH issue that he’s seen you become this unwell trying to cope whilst leaving you each night for hobbies, so first task is to actually make him accountable for the child he also created.
Then, if you want a relationship with his family you move forward ONCE you’ve actually got your husband to support you at home. Don’t keep inviting drama and negativity into your life by engaging with his Mother, she obviously isn’t any practical help and is further upsetting you.

I had a Velcro baby but never failed to clean my teeth. Put baby in a sling or bouncer in the bathroom - might cry but that’s fine for the time it takes to clean teeth. I really mean kindly - it’s okay to let them cry a little. Even with dh working away from home, my family 4 hours away and others in an different country, and me home with a toddler and new born twins I still cleaned my teeth and ate food. Please speak to your health visitor.

Why are you messaging his mum about him being unsupportive? Have you spoken to / told him this directly? How shores he respond?

As is always the case - the problem lies with your husband and to some degree with you for allowing him to abdicate his responsibility as a husband and parent

Have an open and honest conversation with her, explain that you are struggling and you have difficult days which have nothing to do with her so no need to take it personally when you cancel.

but more importantly, you have a husband problem, not a MIL problem. I had a Velcro baby too, two in fact so I understand what you are saying. For the full first year I couldn’t shower unless husband was home to hold the baby. What you need to do is sort things out with your husband so he helps and looks after his child too, particularly on weekends and in the evenings. Also, implement a rule: his family - his issue, your family - your issue. No need to arrange anything with them, he needs to be the one to do it. Explain this MIL as well. She should be going to him, not you.

Hang in there, it does get better but you need to look after yourself.

I would bet also that your baby is picking up on your unhappiness and stress. You do sound very down. Does your baby spend any time with anyone apart from you?

My first was very clingy, DH worked long hours and we don’t live near either family. I spent a lot of time at baby groups, playgroups, park meet ups, play dates as I needed a network of supportive friends around me. Are you getting out at all during the day?

Have you got a sling? My second is a Velcro baby and literally will not be put down without screeching and this saved my sanity.

Also, you need to look after yourself. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Put the baby down, crying or not, and go and brush your teeth, go to the loo, eat, do what you need to do. Baby will survive. You will feel better.

Your H needs to stop or reduce all this sport and be actively parenting his child. And bugger MIL.

I had the same issue for at least 6 months. Then got better with naps but the clinginess returned at 12 months!
don’t beat yourself up. Does sound like you need some help - sleep support and general help