AIBU to ask for this money back?

Absolutely get all your money back.

He shouldn't just pay you back the 10K, he should also cover half of the cost of your maternity leave, and if you decide to go PT after that, half of the salary you'd be foregoing.

People are getting a bit obsessed with the fact you aren’t married
don’t worry op, I’m not married and SHOCK HORROR I have a child with my partner

I leant him 1k once he borrowed for his first car. Yes, he paid it back.
10k is a massive amount. It’s yours; you saved it. If you decide to put it into a joint savings pot later on that’s up to you, but for now; money you saved has bailed him out. Yes you’re a family but you didn’t save 10k just to bail him out. It’s right he pays some or all of it back.

*When I got pregnant with my first, I had £600 in bank and I decided alongside my usual work, to do babysitting to save for my mat leave as I knew boyf wasn't able to support me.

With hardcore saving, working and babysitting all night, every night til 9 months pregnant, I managed to save 10k (one of my greatest achievements)*

What was he doing while you were doing extra to save while also growing a whole person. Maternity leave and childcare are joint expenses - he’s supporting your joint child not paying for you to have a holiday. Not only would I want my savings back, I’d want a clear plan to fund maternity leave where you both save in proportion to your respective income so you can take time to recover properly from childbirth.

the boards of mumsnet are filled with tragic threads started by women who didn't "believe in marriage" because they were happy. all that goes down the drain when the husband decides to be a bastard. you are effectively doing free childcare for someone who has no formal commitment with you. I bet you also do the majority of the share of cooking and cleaning.

he will walk away with no consequences. you will be left with nothing to show for years of unpaid labour.

if I had my way, women would be paid an hourly wage for everything they do at home, including a fixed amount for each pregnancy and birth (obviously with caveats). we bring in to the future of humanity and are thanked by being subjugated, exploited and undervalued by every metric.

DP and I have separate finances despite living together - in his house. So yes - if I lend him any money I expect it back. We aren’t married, and until we are I will not view any of our finances as joint. As such - any of my savings or investments I view solely as my own. YANBU - get your savings back!

You were having your joint child, and your BF wasn’t going to support you financially while you were on maternity leave? I hope you have made changes for this time…

It’s not a moral issue, it’s a basic financial safety issue for most women.

Being married doesn't give you as much security as you seem to think it does

Not unreasonable as seperate finances means he owes you.

Children out of wedlock! How shocking 😮

Completely agree with this. You work your ass off to fund your mat leave while he gets his business into debt and looks to you for cash. He should be ashamed of himself. Don't feel guilty, consider it money to benefit your children. Also don't get married to him as he seems feckless and you seem to be motivated and will always solve your own problems.

Absolutely - did he also work every evening to prepare for his child?
Get that money and he has to support the mother of HIS child after the birth.

This setup sounds ridiculous but you have both agreed. And he's paying you back. Stop feeling guilty and accept it.

Personally I don't understand not 'agreeing' with marriage - but then happily doing something that can't be undone, having a child! But you do you.

BTW MN advocates marriage but it's only helpful if he has assets to share. If not, probably better you keep your own.

You need to get the money back, especially considering he expects you to financially facilitate him having offspring. You sound more like business associates.

You need to financially protect yourself and your children seen as he doesn’t care.

I sometimes bail my partner out with short-term loans when he is waiting for payment form clients but still need to pay his workers. I always deduct my monthly payments out of this amount. So, for example, if he borrowed 3k and I pay 1k a month toward the house, then I pay nothing until I cover the amount or he pays me back. Zero guilt. That's the whole point of having separate finances (and we are not married precisely because his assets are not protected due to being sole proprietor). If something happened and he asked me to GIVE him money, then I probably would in emergency. But if he BORROWS money, the expectation is always that he will pay it back pronto.

As you are unmarried and in a very vulnerable position legally then absolutely get the money back.
Moreover I would really wonder about repeatedly having children with someone who was happy to borrow money from his pregnant girlfriend rather than get another job/work more hours etc. and you were already doing 2 jobs.
I am not sure you’ve got your head screwed on straight right now with all of this.
Not believing in marriage as a religious or moral principle is one thing, but you do know it’s a legal contract that is designed to protect you right?

Seeing as you're not married, YANBU.

You want separate finances, so there is no single pot of money for all to share. Also, as you are not married, neither of you would owe the other anything if you separate. You should absolutely be getting the money back and not feeling guilty, £10k is a huge amount! Lots of us prefer separate finance these days, there is nothing wrong with that.

What was he doing while you worked so hard during your first pregnancy? What made you think he wouldn’t be able to support you during maternity leave?
I think it’s quite shocking that he too k money off his pregnant wife instead of going out and working more himself. It’s pretty appalling that you had to ask to be repaid money that was clearly stated to be a loan, he should have started paying it back without being asked.
How is the next maternity leave and then childcare going to be funded? He should be splitting any loss of your income with you, as well as being responsible for half the childcare costs.
Of course he should pay you your money back!

You’re a family, or at least you’re meant to be, so you shouldn’t have separate finances in the first place.

Having kids when you’re weren’t married and secure was never going to end well.

Yeah get it back

Even if you had not lent your partner that money in the past it would still be a good idea for both of you to save for your maternity leave as both of you and your children will benefit from you having the time off.

So keep taking the money and putting it somewhere safe to save up together so your family can benefit from you having maternity leave this time.

You are in an extremely vulnerable position by not being married. If he walked tomorrow not only would you never see the rest of that money but you would be entitled To CM from him that's it.
Not a share in the business after everything you have given up and WILL give up into the future if you are not protected by marriage.
Protect yourself and your children OP.