to not want to leave nine month old for hen party?

Your baby will be absolutely fine, if you bail out on something like this it will probably lead to you being even more anti-social and as a mum we need people around us to keep us sane! I know you’ll have a fab time, of course you’ll miss your baby but trust me it will make you feel like yourself again! Even if just for a couple days.

This is so true and so important to remember.

I went to Spain for a best friends hen when my youngest was 10 months. Felt exactly the same as you do now, it's completely normal.

She was fine, I enjoyed the weekend (albeit my OH sent a video of her first steps when I wasn't there and I burst into tears in the restaurant!)

It's ok to feel conflicted, but if you're not BF and LO is safe and well cared for I would go.

It is an entirely normal reaction for you to have OP in this season of life, we're not programmed to want to leave our babies too easily but it really is good for you to have a balance, spend time with friends and let dad fend for himself if that doesn't often happen. You've many other roles outside of being a mummy, friend, daughter, wife etc and if you're going back out of the house to work after maternity, it's a bit of practice for that transition too (I cried leaving my little one into his first day of daycare BUT he cried when it came time to get him out of the ball pit to come home 🙄🤣) we're both respectively very happy now in our routines together and apart! Have a great time OP! You'll be back home to your LO before you know it!

Everyone is different, by 9 months I’d been away for a week to the US with work, not ideal but necessary. I’d have gone on the hen do too, but do what you feel comfortable with.
Sounds good fun though, so hope you can make it!

My daughter was slightly older than yours when I went away for a week. I returned the day before her 1st birthday. She and her 8 year old brother stayed with their dad for the week.

He had the week off work to facilitate it and they had a great time!

It gave me a much needed chance to do something I loved (I went on a week long residential for an OU course I did) and it gave the children chance to spend quality time with their dad.

I returned to a clean house, a pile of clean laundry he hadn't quite got round to putting away, and he'd made our daughter a birthday cake and arranged a little family birthday party for her with decorations and party bags for the guests. They had days out, played, lazed about and they just had a lovely time.

There it's no right or wrong but you might just really enjoy a couple of carefree days of fun away with your friends.

I'd seriously consider going if I were you and try and reframe it in your mind.

I wonder how much of it is a genuine feeling of not being able to be away from her and how much is a sense of guilt that you shouldn't be away from her?

I personally have never left my 2 year old for 48 hours so I think YANBU to not want to leave them. It's up to you, however, I do think YABU to be asking yourself this so close to the date as you have agree to go. If circumstances have changed and you can no longer go then so be it but I think I'd be annoyed if I were you're friend, just because it sounds like you said you'd to and are pulling out a few days before.

If you’re not comfortable, don’t let anyone guilt you into going. Plenty of mums aren’t comfortable leaving their child overnight.

I understand you feeling like you don’t want to leave your 9 month old but you will have a great time once you get there and baby will be with dad. Personally, I think it is a positive for dads to just crack on and take responsibility from when the children are young. There are plenty of posts on here of mums who are fed up, they have always carried the load and then want their partners/ spouse to step up with the children. And everyone struggles. So start as you mean to go on, it benefits you all.

Nonsense.

It’s normal to feel anxious- you’re a mum. My kids are teenagers and I promise you it unfortunately never goes away you just learn to be more balanced about it.

Your baby is being looked after by what sounds like a very loving and competent father.

It sounds like a lovely weekend (unlike some of the horrors you hear about).

Go and have a lovely time.

When my DD was 9 months, I got a terrible infection and needed a few nights in hospital and couldn't breastfeed. I was so unwell, but desperate to have her back with me for fear my milk would stop or I would miss something important. Her very competent dad took amazing care of her. If you have a good partner, I don't think you should be worrying too much. Try and have a good time.

It's normal to feel like that but you should still go. The baby will be fine and you'll have fun.

An hour on a plane? Unless you're talking Ireland to the rest of the mainland is this not driveable? Manchester to London is about an hour and that's about 4hr drive. Would you feel better doing that? Then you'd have the car for just in case?

OP, I always hate this type of thread as it draws in so much judgement. The tone of some people’s replies really does insinuate any mother who doesn’t want to leave her baby must be really strange. I don’t judge those who leave their babies when they’re very young, I just know that I never wanted to. And I turned down a number of social events that I turned down due to being away from my baby for too long, including a hen do when he was six months old. Contrary to what seems the be believed by a lot of people on this thread, I was never anxious. I just didn’t want to leave him, it didn’t sit right with me. I wasn’t worried he was going to come to any harm, I wasn’t catastrophising, it simply felt wrong for me. I don’t want you to take away from this thread that how you feel about your baby is weird or that you need to work on being more comfortable being away from her. Once my son was a bit bigger, I naturally felt happier to leave him, I went for a 3 day weekend in Dublin when he was 18 months old and he stayed with grandparents. I missed him but I had reached the point I was comfortable with a stay away - I think this point just comes at different stages for different women.

With all of this being said, I do think you would be wrong to cancel now. I’m going to be a bridesmaid for a close friend this year and I can’t imagine cancelling going to her hen do with such short notice. I think you should go because it could be damaging to your friendship to bail out now. In future I think you need to work on being able to say no! You can say no to social occasions and not feed bad about it, whatever the reason is. This not wanting to leave your baby hasn’t just appearing within the last few days. You’ve not dealt with this before now when you could have and by cancelling this late you’d be disappointing your friend.

If you know you will be unhappy and stressed the entire time then don't go. If you feel In your gut that you need to be with your baby then do it. She's 9mo and to me that's still very little. I do get that feeling of being so far away too. Do it sooner rather than later if you decide not to go.

I wouldn’t have been able to go at this age. My DC used to still feed loads and didn’t have bottles so that was a factor. I’m not sure if they did take bottles of I’d have felt differently. It’s certainly not OTT not to want to leave your baby for 48 hours.

Also (sorry forgot to add to other post) this may help you in the long run from an equal parenting perspective. I don't know your set up and you say DH js competent, but on maternity leave you can become the "expert" in the child due to the sheer number of hours alone with the baby - this gives dad some time to do the same, and an appreciation of what your days are like. May be a side benefit!

I agree with this poster. Your baby is with her dad not a complete stranger. Go and have some fun.

I completely get the anxiety and as other posters have said this isn't something you can rationalise.

However, I think you should go. Your baby is with dad, who is a competent parent. You have committed to something. Also I think it is very likely to affect your friendship with the bride going forward if you don't.

Saying all this I don't think it has to be doom and gloom-you'll find like most things that are worried about once your in it, it won't be as bad. And you may actually enjoy yourself!

Your anxiety mostly seems to stem from the distance and the idea you can’t quickly and/or easily return if needed.

However, you can return in an emergency - and if it’s a genuine emergency it will cost what it costs and you’ll do it anyway.

So really it just stops you returning easily for a more minor reason. Which is perhaps no bad thing.

The dread will go away as you take action to confront the feeling.

I would think this too.

I don’t know if it would be something helpful to you but I usually logic the hell out of my anxieties. You know that your kiddo is with a competent and loving adult. The chances of something happening are absolutely no greater than the chances of something happening when you are with them. In the unlikely event that something does happen, it makes absolutely no difference whether you are 5, 50 or 500 miles away.
Your anxiety is not rational, it is hormonal.