to not want to leave nine month old for hen party?

@Herecomestreble1

you WILL miss out, not if.

You matter too- take some time for yourself! 😀

Why is a hen do important?

@MidnightPatrol

you’re wrong

hen do’s are important

I think these things are worth it. If someone loves me enough to ask me to be part of their wedding party, they are (likely to be) important to me. Yes babies need us but they are only little for such a short time. I love being a mum, but I’m also a partner and a friend. When these things crop up, I find it helpful for me remind myself that it’s ok to have my own life, as it’s part of building the support systems I want us to have as a family around us. Not sure if that’s in any way relevant to you but sometimes I think the mum guilt has so much power, it helps me remind me that I matter too. (And I know everyone’s different but my friends massively help me keep going when things are hard, so keeping them is important to me).

If you don’t want to, don’t do it. It’s a hen party, it’s not important.

However… it is good to learn to be away from each other IMO. You might find you have a good time! A break is healthy.

I left my DD at the same age for 48 hrs, with her Nanny (my DM). I get how you feel, but would it help if you try to frame it as a good bonding experience for your DH and DD? That's what I did when DD was with DM, and I have to say they have such a lovely bond now since they had that bit of extra time together.

I'd go and enjoy yourself. DD is with her dad and you have no concerns.

I left DS with my mum at 7 days to go to a wedding! Obviously I'd had an easy time with the birth and I only went for the day and left after the meal.

I left my baby overnight with my parents at 5 months for one of my best friends wedding. I felt absolutely sick to my stomach so I totally understand how you’re feeling. But honestly she was fine. She had a lovely time and dh and I felt totally recharged having a night off from parenting.

it’s super stressful so I totally understand your feeling. Even now she’s 2 we’re leaving her with my parents soon for another wedding and I’m still nervous and not wanting to leave her. But I know deep down she’ll be fine and have a lovely time with her GPs.

I think you need to go, especially as a bridesmaid. When you get there you’ll have a great time and be glad you went! But the build up is horrible xx

The way you feel is totally normal. I'm sure everyone does but it is all about how you deal with that anxiety.
I have felt the same but have been away on hen dos etc when my kids were little. and older. (they are 6.5 and 2 years now) I think first time my youngest was 6 weeks when I went 2.5 hours away for a night for a hen do. Then when he was 12 months we (me and DH) went away for a wedding a bit further for one night and my parents have DS. We are currently planning 5 days abroad for our 10th wedding anniversary and my parents are having the kids. It fills me with alot of anxiety but ultimately I know it will be fine when I am there.
Personally I think having a balance. Yes I am always anxious up until that point I go away. But when I have been away it has been nice to be in 'not mum' mode for a little while.

Honestly all will be fine. You will be really chuffed with yourself when you get back..sometimes u need a reset like this to get into a different frame of mind. Enjoy yourself.

Of course it's normal to feel like this. It would have been impossible for me to go away for 48 hours at that age (breastfeeding issues, I'd probably have ended up with mastitis).

If you go though, your child will be fine. They won't know if you're just down the road or a flight away.

Go. It will not only be good for you to have some down time but it will also be good for DH and baby to have some time together.

Completely understandable either way. Of course it’s fine to leave a nine-month-old but it’s also fine not to want to. I left DS for nearly a week at 13 months for a trans Atlantic work trip. I don’t regret it but wouldn’t do it again. I absolutely trusted DH - that wasn’t the problem - but I felt uncomfortable not being able to get back quickly for any emergencies. I also spent much of the time in pain, as I was still breastfeeding (despite taking a pump).

I think it's normal and I still get an anxious feeling leaving dd, but ime as soon as you're at the airport you forget about them!

🙄 No one is ‘suggesting’ the baby won’t be well cared for by their dad. OPs feelings are not a reflection on her confidence in her husband.

I didn’t ignore my feelings to not want to leave my children when they were young just to make my partner feel better. Thankfully he’s not the sort of person that would make it all about himself, and instead understood my reluctance to leave them was about my own feelings.

I would go because I had committed and it meant a lot to one of my closest friends, even if I didn’t think I would enjoy it that much (although it’s usually much better than anticipated). Being nervous is ok, but to some extent you just have to push through it and hopefully find that it’s been a positive experience for all of you.

You shouldn’t have to go if you don’t want to. Life is too short. Circumstances have changed in that you can’t take her with you so it is understandable if you cancel. Worse would be to go and feel anxious all the time and not enjoy yourself. The other hens would pick up on this and it might put a damper on things.

If you really don't want to then don't go.

But your baby will be absolutely fine with your DH, her other parent.

And there's nothing wrong with you still being a person who can go and spend time with a very close friend on an important occasion and enjoying yourself.

Precious firstborn. It’s commonly used to shame women usually and to dismiss their feelings, by idiots.

I had to go away for 2 nights when my DS was about 4 months old. I felt dreadful about leaving him as I was running a Brownie pack holiday to look after other people's kids! Actually I found when I was there I felt better about it. I had things to occupy my mind so I didn't have time to worry.

It will be fine Op I promise. Go and have some time to yourself.

@WaitUpForMe baby will be with their other parent, the only other person in the world who cares as much as OP.

that should be ok, it does her DH a disservice to suggest that it wouldn’t be. Anxious before your first big trip away from a baby is extremely normal. It isn’t a portent of doom or even rational.

some anxiousness should be encouraged to get over.

Have to say I thought the same about the original arrangement of the relative when the baby's dad was available. It's good for them both to have time alone together.

Why not just go for one night? You’re still a part of it and there for your friend. But unfortunately have to duck out early to care for a young baby - seems reasonable and the other women will just continue without you. It’ll be fine.