to not want to leave nine month old for hen party?

I would go as you said you would and arrangements have been made but in future don’t agree to anything you don’t really want to do.

When she committed, the plan meant she wouldn’t have been far from her baby.

I think you are perfectly reasonable to feel like that.

I wouldn't go if it was me with a baby that age- although that's not me saying you shouldn't go if on balance you want to. But you shouldn't feel bad about wanting to be close to your baby - its completely normal.

Personally, I wouldn't even leave a piece of cooked chicken for a hen party.

You know she’ll be well looked after.

You know she’ll be happy and content with her dad.

You know if there was an emergency they’d be able to contact you and you would be able to get back somehow.

This is just your maternal instinct/anxiety kicking in and you need to ignore it.

It will be nice for her and her dad to have some proper alone time and it will be nice for you to TRY and fully switch off.

If it makes you feel better then write down a list of flights and train times that you can get in case of an emergency.
Give DH the number of where you’ll be staying and get him to ring you if there’s an emergency.

If you don’t hear anything then you know it’s all fine.

I really do hope you’re able to switch off and enjoy yourself.
Parenting is hard and you should never feel bad about doing something fun for yourself.

"From the off, I’ve not wanted to be this far from my baby" Sorry but you shouldn't have committed to going. Pulling out at the last minute is very rude. Totally your choice but this last minute, I'd be upset if I was the bride. I've been dropped by friends when they have babies, it really hurts and I am determined not to do this myself.

Please go, your baby is with her Dad not a stranger. You will all be fine.

*Some

There’s no right of wrong, they’re important to someone people and not to others.

This isn’t about whether it’s important or not anyway, it’s about OPs feelings, which are valid.

People who are saying ‘just go and enjoy yourself’ are dismissing her anxiety around it, it’s like saying ‘pull yourself together’. If you’re anxious, it’s not as easy as just go and enjoying yourself, I’m sure OP would like to be able to not feel how she does.

Should add there is nothing wrong with going, she has 2 parents and by the sounds of things a good relationship with her dad. It's just that you don't want to and that is important.

I wouldn't want to go either, I don't think that's unreasonable either. I don't think I'd be comfortable leaving my 3yo for more than maybe 1 night, a 9mo is very young.

I think its totally normal to feel like that, esp when you aren't just an hour away.

I'm the same even when my kids were older, I'm not quite sure what I worry about as I know they are well looked after. For me it just the run up to the event and once I go I'm absolutely fine.

Hopefully you will be the same. (Remember 48 hours isn't long, you'll be back before you know it). Hope you have a good time.

@MidnightPatrol

youll be saying it’s not important to attend the wedding next lol

I found it really difficult to be away from my babies too so I completely understand where you’re coming from.

But also from experience, sleep deprivation is probably a big factor because it throws our systems into a survival state and magnifies feelings like separation anxiety.

A couple of days away might be the reset your body/brain needs. Just don’t overdo the drinking.

Ah thank you..

I'm glad you're going to go @Henpartydilemma .

I booked a trip away with my friend for when my baby was 6 months old (to another country). As it loomed closer I felt like you do now. I told my friend (a more experienced parent) how I was feeling and she said it always feels that way the first time, but it's ok once you get where you're going. I had a drink at the airport and felt sick and weird but then.... I had a lovely weekend!

It is the only time I've been away since my son was born (he's 16 months now) and I'm so glad I went when the opportunity came. It was very good bonding time for my husband too, and it got me used to leaving my son in advance of my return to work.

A previous poster said they felt there was some shaming of mums who don't want to leave their babies, but honestly I feel like it goes the other way too. There's a lot of "I could NEVER leave my child for more than 8 hours until they're at least 3" that at times made me feel like I was cold and uncaring for being able to go, but it was so, so good for me to just feel like Lola and not Mum for a couple of days. I felt better for having had some "me" time.

I have also found friendships are harder to maintain once you become a parent, so it's good to put some time into nourishing them when you can.

Meeting a friend for a drink isn’t ‘a hen party’.

OP has been asked to attend a weekend-long event away from home with a group of women, and with an overnight stay.

It is not important to attend this.

If a friend was getting married in October and I was unable to see her before then, I wouldn’t think this was some great disaster in the order of events.

if you want to celebrate with them before their wedding… you don’t need to go away for a weekend to do so. Just arrange a night at the pub.

so don’t go to their hen party but organise another hen party. Got it

Everyone's different. I didn't leave my children overnight until they were 5 and very rarely left them during the day either. I didn't attend weddings that we'd been invited to if they weren't, etc. this was my decision and what I was comfortable with, I never made anyone change plans for me, it was just what I preferred doing and it's perfectly acceptable. If you're not comfortable then feel empowered to say no but equally if you do go I'm sure you'll enjoy it!.

Where on earth did I say socialising with friends isn’t important? You have made some leaps there.

I said attending a hen do isn’t important. If someone can’t attend a hen do, I don’t think that should be a big deal.

Very serious.

It’s not like you’re not going to see the bride otherwise is it. And - if you want to celebrate with them before their wedding… you don’t need to go away for a weekend to do so. Just arrange a night at the pub.

I would describe a hen party as a ‘nice to have’. Increasingly the brides I know aren’t doing one, or having very low key ones. Too expensive, big ask for families to spend a couple of weekends away from the kids, conscious they’re already asking people to spend £££ to attend the wedding.

If I got invited would I make the effort to go? Probably.

Would it have bothered me if people couldn’t attend my hen do because they had a baby / had something else on / whatever other reason? No.

It’s just an excuse for another party isn’t it.

I think it’s perfectly normal. I wouldn’t have wanted to be a flight away from our children at that age, either.

@MidnightPatrol

this! Having fun and socialising with friends is important to us as human beings

@MidnightPatrol of course hen parties are important!

It's time to celebrate the bride, who is about to be married, with all her nearest and dearest.

You can't be serious?