To ask PIL to gift us the deposit for a house?

They do sound particularly tight fisted. I've never liked tight people. And I so often find that it is those with more money (and not due to saving, more to spend) that are that way. I think it's ingrained and usually go with other less desirable characteristics.

Anyway, I'd explain the situation, that you moved as you thought you wanted to see more of the GC and that it's impossible to survive with the rent going up and no possibility to save up.

Ask if they would be able to contribute the deposit against a stake in the house, which you would pay back at the time of selling (which may not happen in their life time)?

Plenty of us youngsters buy second hand, go without holidays etc. still can't seem to save enough for a deposit. 🤔

Well I guess @Meadowfinch and my adult children are outliers. I would absolutely give them money for a deposit if I had it, but I don’t. And they all supported themselves at university by working.

Awww @AmITheGrabbyDIL I feel bad for you.

Normally I would say don’t even think of asking but I’m not sure you have anything to lose in this instance. You’ve had some good advice: just tell them you’re going to have to move as can’t afford rent hike and can’t afford a deposit.

Moving is expensive though, are you sure you couldn’t manage the rent hike if you cut back massively on spending? Apologies if you already explained that you couldn’t…I only read the first page.

edited to add: oops sorry £400 extra is a LOT!!
Best of luck!

There’s no harm in asking, your DH should ask though. Be prepared for them to say no as it doesn’t sound as though they will say yes.

Are you happy where you live now? Would you consider moving back to your home country?

@AmITheGrabbyDIL FWIW I don't think you're grabby OP, I think you're desperate. If it's at the stage where it's tent or bust then dispatch DH to speak to them, lay it out that you can't afford anything and so you'll have to move back to home country...unless they can help. See what happens then.

Is it possible to live in their home and pay rent to them while they live in an apartment?

Hope you get sorted.

Just ask, all they can say is no

Well lots of people own without gifted deposits! Come on!

British statistics
View all data used in this statistical bulletin

• In 2022, full-time employees in England could expect to spend around 8.3 times their annual earnings buying a home. The equivalent figure in Wales is 6.2 times their annual earnings.

• Over the last 25 years, housing affordability has worsened in every LA, especially in London or surrounding areas.

• In 1997, 89% of LAs had an affordability ratio of less than five times workers’ earnings, whereas only 7% had this level of affordability in 2022.

....things have changed a lot.

It is very telling, her DH's laugh to her request.

I bet he knows far more about how they are with money (generous), knows they will never change, let alone gift/loan them money for a deposit.

In my world, I'd be petty and leave DH to deal with them now, but after all their gameplaying re not seeing grandchildren etc, there'd be F all I'd do re their care in their old age in the future, though I'd be nice/civil when I saw them of course and as a DIL. I wouldn't be going out of my way with anything at all though. And there's absolutely no need for the PA comments which they know DIL will hear about 'not being able to afford to give each other Christmas presents this year'. All smacks a bit of Fleabag's TV series comments (her DF and future MIL said the same to her!).

Jesus Christ, no one is suggesting they give up their holidays but maybe they could miss out on one ot two or take slightly more modest holidays for a couple of years or you know NOT FLY BUSINESS CLASS. It is not either or!

What about moving home, @AmITheGrabbyDIL ? Or least to somewhere cheaper?

@Wallaw it's not "washing your hands of your children" not to help pay for their house deposit.

Parents have to plan for their retirements and to think about funding their own futures too.

Personally I can't imagine putting my parents in a situation where they had to give up their holidays to fund me as a fully grown adult.

Move back home so that after all this you won’t be expected to care for one or both of them when they’re old.

I would definitely ask! No harm in them saying no? Can you move countries ?

so they don't bother with them then. The parents obviously aren't interested in them or their children so not sure why OP keeps seeing them and as to moving to another country to be closer to them!!!

We had to scrimp and save for a deposit with both of us working in pretty good jobs.

We bought a very small house in 1981 40 miles from where we both worked because we could not afford to stay in that area.

We had everything secondhand (something almost all youngsters would not even consider) except a bed. We sat on camping chairs for about a year before we could get a secondhand sofa.

We still had to scrimp because we had train fares to get to our jobs 40 miles away and, of course, the interest rate went up and up and up and up. We lived on beans on toast for ages, didn't go out, didn't buy clothes, didn't have any holidays for years and years, didn't get takeaway coffees or meals etc.

Yes, it's their money. But grandparents who would see their grandchildren made homeless while it's in their power to help aren't really worth bothering with.

I think your unreasonable to ask. If it's offered you graciously accept. However, you really should expect anything of anyone. It's very entitled. Personally, I'd never ask anyone for anything.

It's not about logic though is it? If they don't want to help that is the end of it, there is no rule that says they should.

Maybe they are just one of the many many couples who regret having children and now want to enjoy time as a couple without always worrying about their children/grandchildren and all the hassle they can entail.

It's a disturbing sight to see so many, but people are living in tents all over the place, not just in Brisbane. People are queuing up in long lines to inspect and put their names down for horrid overpriced units, as there is such a shortage of housing - largely influenced by the prevalence of air b'n'b's, in my view - and rental prices are being jacked up hundreds of dollars a week all over the country, also. This is not an isolated incident, it is a nationwide rental crisis.

The worsening rental crisis in Australia – Parliament of Australia (aph.gov.au)

I would ask the PILs but do it as a loan and have repayment terms and length worked out and state that you are willing to have it as a legal document. That might be more palatable for them.

Can you phrase it as a way to avoid inheritance tax? If they survive 7 years after they gift it, it is not included in their estate. If they’re very frugal they might just accept it.

It’s such a shame they don’t help more and show interest in their GC. I truly can’t understand some people!

Or maybe the parents shouldn't have had children if they weren't going to adapt to a changing world and help them out? Your logic doesn't work.

Since when should parents be responsible for financing their married adult children?

But parents raised the children. Now those children are adults, any help is a bonus, not entitlement.