Inheritance in a blended family

How horrible to call the stepgrandmother bigoted (???) and nasty! She’s giving him something in her will and that should be appreciated.

He could not have been adopted by his stepfather while he had a living father with parental responsibility (which he did until age 18).

The 3 children are not equal as they have different fathers and different paternal relations.

Jesus you sound unhinged!

@InterIgnis The boy has been a member of the family since he was 2 years old. He is a member of that family. So what if he isn't biologically related. Jesus wept, it's appalling. I read on these threads time and time again people venting when their kids are treated differently to others for far less than this grandmother is doing. Did the father adopt him? I'm not sure we know that bit. But regardless, the grandmother is bigoted and nasty to do it. To all intents and purposes there 3 equal children and she's making it very clear they are not. I understand the boy isn't particularly close to the grandmother but my guess is that she's treated him differently his entire life. She sounds fucking dreadful.

That's also my question. There was no need for this can of worms to be opened at all.

Whoever told him is the unreasonable one.

What counties, that the UK is apparently inferior to, require ‘step grandchildren’ to inherit?

The grandmother has two grandchildren she wants to benefit from her assets. Not three. That’s very normal and reasonable no matter where you are in the world. Incidentally, the UK has one of the highest rates of inheritance tax in the world, so

Ridiculous!

The difference is that there is no permanent connection between the stepgrandmother and 25yo son.

OP says they have don’t have a great relationship. Does he consider her granny? Does he care about her? Would he do anything for her?
(If no, how could he expect any inheritance from her!)

If OP and her DH break up, they have no connection whatsoever.

The Grandmother is a see you next Tuesday. There are 3 children here, one of them is a step grandchild who has been brought up by the grandmother's son for almost his entire life. The 2 biological children stand to inherit £1m each. What would be so bad about divvying up that £2m into 3 so they all get £666k instead. It's still a huge wedge, a fabulously huge wedge. Wedge that's akin to a lottery win for most people. Had the boy stood to gain from his father's side, this could have been taken into account. But he's been an older brother to the Grandmother's two 'real' grandchildren.

Her attitude is why this country is in the state it's in. There are too many people (clearly, from the comments) who just don't believe in fairness and sharing the pot. Remember this shit in the UK where inheritance is not fairly distributed is a legacy of daughters inheriting nothing. Think on that.

Yes, and I replied to her post, as is quite usual on a discussion board.

We’re all free to have and share opinions, but just someone may have opinion, doesn’t mean that opinion will have any impact on the actual reality. OP’s situation is what it is, and tbh there’s very little she can do about it. Her son will have to come to terms with not getting the same as his siblings, by virtue of them not having all the same family members in common.

I think you have missed the purpose of what a discussion board is. That poster was just giving their opinion to your post, it is what happens every day on here 🤷‍♀️

If she’s that wealthy , it’ll probably be invested, earning lots of interest, so there will still be a lot left!

Your MIL has been in your DS's life for 23 years, since he was a little toddler.
Did you DS ever call her 'granny' and was it seen as a step-grandparent relationship?

What happened when his two siblings came along - were the three children treated the same, or were differences already made?
Why is your DS not seen as a non-bio, adopted, grandchild by your MIL?

I think the hard path ahead for you, OP, is to have honest conversations with your MIL and your DH. Not to expect, tell, or even ask - just so you can be clear on exactly what the plan is - to take out the guess-work so you can better guide and support your children's relationships through the inevitable bad feeling that will arise due to these fundamental inequalities. Good luck. 💐

A PP raises a good point about why exactly the MIL is telling everyone now what they will get. I’m not sure it’s actually that usual to pass your estate directly to grandchildren, it usually goes to your offspring who then pass it on to theirs…. Unless of course you want to make absolutely sure no step children or step grandchildren inherit anything. She’s putting him in his place, make no mistake.

He had a father until he was 18, by all accounts, a useless one.
Plus the DH cannot force his mother to treat the non biological children the same. He just cannot.

You don’t have to agree. Whether you agree or not isn’t going to change what people choose to do 🤷🏻‍♀️

I don't agree with this. I think if you marry a woman with a 2 year old child, who doesn't have his own father, you are obliged to be a father to him. IMO you have no business getting involved if you can't do that.

Lol, yeah, she’ll totally nod her head and do what he says.

She doesn’t ‘have’ to do anything of the sort - the bottom line is that they’re not the same, and all the bleating in the world about what she, and anyone else in the same situation, ‘should’ think/feel/act like doesn’t mean that they’re going to. His stepfather isn’t his father, and his stepfather’s mother isn’t his grandmother. It’s not his fault his father was shit, but it’s not their fault either. They weren’t and aren’t somehow obliged to step into those roles.

I was/am your DS. I expected to be treated differently to the biological grandchildren (my 2 half siblings) of my grandparent. It wasn’t a shock when my step grandfather died and he left around £2m to each of his biological grandchildren. We (sister and I) got an amount of £5k which was very much appreciated! I think it helped that I have a full sibling who was in the same position so I didn’t feel ‘different’. I’d also quickly figured out that I wasn’t going to be treated the same and accepted it long ago.
I know on here, some people think blended families should treat equally but in real life, I knew it wouldn’t happen.

Money is the root of all evil.

I understand your DS's jealousy, I think most would feel hard done by in this situation, but that's not your fault or your problem.

He'll still inherit well. He just has to accept it. It's a shame if it affects his relationship with his siblings, that's very immature IMO.

I disagree with everyone saying it shouldn't be spoken about. Obviously conversations should be respectful and should be taking place with the understanding that everything could change as a result of care needs etc, but I think wills that throw massive curve balls after death can be extremely challenging and disruptive to families. People shouldn't be dangling potential inheritances as a means of control, but it's not really clear that this is happening here as not much detail has been given about how the conversation actually came about.

This is all very sad. My adult son has been part of my DH family lives since he was 4. Whilst there was a difference in dealings with their biological grandchildren it was never obvious to him. He is treated as part of the family, the inheritance issue hasnt been raised but my other children have already said they would share it with their brother in the event he got nothing.

Your poor DS was 2 and had no other family so I feel sad for him

I didn't realise your son had been in your mil life since he was 2
That's actually awful,really awful that she's excluding him
She was the adult in the relationship,and it was up to her to put the effort in when he was small.and that is bad she didn't.
Your husband needs to talk to his mum ,and tell her she has to treat the children all the same

I don’t know why you have shared all this with the children??? Therein lies your problem.

I'm another who wonders how/why he knows. I can see why he's hurt if your DH has been in his life since he was 2. When and why did the relationship between your DS and MIL become not so great?

I'm not sure whether you can do much now other than make your own wills according to your morals and see how things pan out with your MIL.

A lot of her money may go on care ..my mum's house was sold and every penny has gone on a care home ..she's currently up to 4 years in a care home and still going strong
So a fair chunk may go on that
I'm also surprised she's not leaving her money to her son ,as he could share it equally
I think see what happens when mil dies,and whatever she gives the children,,you try to Match or as near as from you and your husbands money , instead of it going 3 ways ,all your money and husband money goes to your son ,to try to even things up
But your husband won't want to do that I expect

I think it's really harsh to criticise him, he's realised after 23 of his 25 years that he's not a real part of the proper family.

this. I know there is a school of thought that says "tell everyone what is in the will" but assuming that what he knows is fact and not assumption, this is the kind of problem it can cause.