Inheritance in a blended family

I wouldn’t advise that. You may be in possession of it for safekeeping, but unless it’s been explicitly given to you then it isn’t your property. If belongs to your mother in law, and will then belong to your daughter. By taking it upon yourself to sell you could easily find yourself in a world of shit.

Also @OP

If your daughter will inherit a lot of jewellery then until she is at a stage at which she lives in a house that can have a very secure safe, someone will have to pay to have it stored somewhere. You're not going to have it in a shared house, are you? I presume your MIL is leaving to her so she can wear, look after and keep in the family rather than sell, which is very generous , but it is not the same as having the cash. She is a lifetime custodian - it's something that is a great privilege but will come with responsibilities and costs.

This is also a great point.

OP are YOU being left anything in the Will? And if not, do you have a problem with that?

I presume not as I expect you would expect her to leave wealth to her son and not her daughter in law. And it’s perfectly expected on here that if a daughter inherits that should be protected on a divorce… the same logic should really apply, as she’s presumably known you as long as your DS.

Is MIL leaving anything to you and DH? I understand about there being a lot of talk about inheritance, i think irl it's not nice but pretty normal to say 'things are tough for now but you'll receive the holiday cottage one day'. I've told my adult dc I'm leaving x to x because y already had y. I would rather explain in person than leave a potentially hurtful surprise.

Ok, so I can understand your son's perspective, but I also think that you need to encourage him to think about it in a different way.

And I think that, if it were me, I would also have a more active discussion with MIL. If my 11 year old children stood to inherit £1m, I would want to ensure that I was trustee for them until they were 25, for example.

If you were to lock the money up, then by the time your younger children get the money your son will be nearly 40 and will have earned more money than they will inherit himself. The age gap means that the two of them are not completely on a par with DS25 - he may need help to buy a house and have a family in the next 10 years, whilst your other children shouldn't be touching any money for 10 years and need to be helped to understand their inheritance.

If the money from MIL is kept in trust and only spend on educational purposes until they are 25, then actually until 25 they are in a more similar position to your DS. Yes, they may be able to go in at a better point property wise from that point, but it won't be the case that they will be living it up from the moment they inherit.

The answer should still have been "No idea, wills are private". Why tell him?

I can vouch that feelings of it not being fair trump rationale thoughts.

I'm slightly similar in that my eldest DS has two siblings from my DH first marriage who are now both millionaires from inheritance while he will struggle but the two siblings are very vocal about still inheriting their share from me and DH.

When it comes to money, being nice tends to go out the window.

Have you seen the will?

how do you know exactly what your younger two are getting but are only guessing at what your DS might get?

who told your DS they younger two were getting 1m and him nothing, especially when you say he’s in the will but amount is unknown?

The correct response when DS25 asked "What am I getting in step-grandma's will was "No idea, wills are private".

Whoever told him was the unreasonable one who has caused a massive upset.

I can understand your son’s point of view too.

He has been in the family since a young age. He is hard working and from all accounts a good son, not a bludger.

Yes he is fortunate to get a house compared to most of us here but that’s not the point. He has been raised in privilege and the disparity in treatment compared to the siblings he grew up with is then very obvious to him.
He has lived 100% of the time with your blended family, so there would have been less “step” and the feeling of being full siblings.

It must be the sensation of being othered.

Having said that, he has no choice but to accept it.

I like your idea of giving him the house. The other siblings could be gifted special or sentimental items belonging to you such as art or jewellery.

Oh, that lazy trope. The youngest are being given a great foundation upon which to build, there’s nothing to suggest they’re destined to become ‘spoilt wastrels’ because they’re well provided for. There are plenty of things they can strive for, without having to struggle financially.

My Nana was born in the Workhouse in 1917. Her Mum was in service and my Nana was conceived by co-ercion/rape. Her Mum went on to marry her step Dad and they had three more children together. My Nana says they were poor, but her Step Dad always treated the children the same. When her Step dad died, he left all of his 10 grandkids/step grandkids and 9 great grandchildren and step great grandkids exactly the same modest sums. The emotional effect this had on my Nana was profound. It wasn't about the money, but the money symbolised that fact her Step Dad treated her, and her descendants, exactly the same, all his life. RIP my lovely brave, gentle Great-Grandad.
I feel for your DS25 OP, you are right to try to minimise the material imbalance as it acknowledges the hurt and injustice but he sounds like an impressive young man to be earning such a good salary at such a young age. He will be self made. He will pass these values onto any children he has.
On the other hand your two younger children are at risk of being spoilt wastrels if they are given so much for nothing and do not have to strive. I'd be more worried about them. Especially the values that your DD will learn, inheriting £200,000 worth of self indulgent trinkets from a very shallow sounding Granny.
Hopefully your son will come to see that it's not his sibs fault that they are likely to be so wealthy, it's literally an accident of birth.

o/p hasn’t said whether she has actually seen the will. She knows her ds is included, but “thinks” the amount will be a lot less.

without seeing the will, what if she leaves all her assets to dh and then actually her ds gets a significant sum from mil? Or the other two aren’t left anything near 1m?

what if she dies first, leaves all her assets to ds, then mil changes her will to cut the other two out?

what if o/p dies, mil has a stroke, and everything is eaten up by 30 years of 24 hour nursing care?

what if the children generously share with their sibling, then find out they’re cut out of their mum’s will?

inheritance tax rules may change and it may all go.

all this worry when none of it appears to have been verified.

too many variables.

i’d split everything 3 ways for now. Will can be changed when and if the kids inherit.

i had a rich relative. When her kids and grandkids were old enough she used it to control them. Regularly cut one or other out when they displeased her. One said sod it and stopped jumping to her tune, the others are fighting to stay in her good books.

If i were op i would balance it out i my own inheritance so if necessary leave all to dc1. The other 2 wont need more on top of 1m each.
If op goes first though her dh might leave everything to his dc

I agree with this. I'd do the same.

You think? So you don’t know what’s been left?

have you actually seen the will? Unless you have I wouldn’t be getting your children all angst ridden and upset.

leave it. Let them continue their relationships without all this hanging over their heads.

how did your son find out anyway?

bear in mind things change and mil might remarry in her 90’s and/or or change her will at any point.

As has been said.

Imagine being told that you are loved and cherished equally and that you are all one big family,
To then have this disproved by getting cut out of the will.

Its not your DS's fault anymore than it is your younger two children's.

But surely you can see why he would be feeling this way.

I feel so sorry for your DS :(

Yes his siblings will be very wealthy. His little sister more so as she will also inherit MIL jewellery, watch and bag collection. Which in itself is in excess of over 200k.

Christ sake - plenty of money but no class or sense, quite clearly. Poor ds.

OP can leave her share of assets to her one son, but she can’t demand her husband do the same. He may of course choose to respond to OP doing that by only leaving to his children.