Inheritance in a blended family

What does he call her? Has he been raised to think of her as a Grandmother or as the Grandmother of his half siblings?

@InfiniteGoodVibes

half siblings then.

not siblings.

They are half siblings different father.

Whilst I do think the son is not coming across well and displays astounding levels of entitlement when not comes to what his step grandmother does with HER money. Op's children are siblings and it's offensive to suggest otherwise.

They share the same mother and have been raised in the same home together. They are most definitely NOT step siblings either. Educate yourself.

I think the MIL really hasn't done anything wrong, tbh.

She's put substantial sums aside for her two grandchild, a property for her son (OP's husband) to inherit and is leaving a little money for her step-grandchild (DS25). Furthermore, she's offered to help DS25 with a deposit for a house.

Seriously, does DS25 reckon he should get more than this from her?! She's not his grandmother; she's a kind lady who doesn't want him to feel left out.

It's DS25's his late father (and his family) who have shafted him! It's a shame his paternal grandparents (who apparently were quite wealthy) didn't bother to make provision for their grandson given their useless son was in to crime/drugs etc?!

Im genuinely at a loss at people saying the MIL (that is, DS25's step-grandmother) is horrible.

Also, look at the wider picture, DH25 is going to inherit an equal share of his mother and Step-father's (probably quite substantial estate?) on their deaths anyway. This shows DS25 that he's an equal part of his family in both his own mother and stepfather's eyes.

MIL is NOT his grandparent. I think DS is unreasonable to expect anything. MIL can give her money to whoever and it shouldn't be expected from anyone. The fact she has included him in her will is very kind. If your doing the fair thing. DS should inherit a 1/3 of your estate.

Sadly he is greedy and ' entitled '

However they are not his siblings, they have different fathers.

so they are half siblings or step siblings.

he is earning well. he can continue with his career.

and he is now an adult.

Exactly just because the OP created a blended family, doesn't mean the the relatives have to blend and leave in their wills.

The end result is the same - financial disparity between siblings.

and he was accepted as part of their family, as an in law. Same as OP. That doesn’t make him their son or grandchild.

Dh and I got together when our 5 children (his 3 and my 2) were young. Mine have a useless unintrested dad so dh treated them as his own.

Everything is divided 5 ways equally in our wills but it wouldn't occur to me for one moment that his children's grandmother would leave anything to mine, as it wasn't her choice to take them on.

That’s a very different scenario. The younger siblings didn’t grow up in the family of the dad who has now died

Unlike the OP’s 25 year old who did grow up in the siblings family - or thought he did

As has been said by many posters a lot of times in scenarios like this it’s not about the monetary value, it could be £100 or £1million that’s left, but the sense of belonging to a family. Especially in this case where his real dad let him down so much both in life and death

If DS25's Dad had left all his money to DS would DS split it 3 ways with his half siblings?

Very late to this party, but ... life isn't fair. Or at least life treats different people differently.

I'm a child of my father's second marriage. I have 2 older half siblings who I adore, and are great friends. We lived together for the early part of my childhood, then they returned to their mum and grew up in a far more affluent household than I did and were privately educated (their step dad was a wealthy chap; our dad wasn't!). They have inherited well from their mother, step father and maternal grandparents - this has funded holidays, cars and houses that will never be within my grasp.

Our dad died with very little, and what he did have all went to DM. My maternal GPs left me £200! That's all I have ever inherited (I'm in my mid 50s).

Such is life. None of us can change who our parents married, the order we were born, who our blended and separate families are, decisions that were made with head, or heart or in spite. We are all adults, we all accept that this is our lot, and the only people who can do anything to change it is ourselves.

Look at it from the other way, if OPs ex hadn't died and made a success would you expect him to leave money to OPs other children who aren't related to him no you wouldn't.

Life isn't fair that's it.

He’s not being treated badly, and he’s also not a grandchild any more than OP is her daughter.

Why is your DS treated so poorly by his grandmother?
Is it only because he’s not a blood relation even though they’ve had a relationship for 23 years, almost since he was a baby?? It certainly does put your MIL in a bad light.

Tbh I'd be really angry (the amount of money isn't the issue, it could be tuppence) that my ds still isn't 'one of them' after almost all of his life. A two year old is totally open to being a child or grandchild of the family. I'd be very angry and think very poorly of them.

I think in the circumstances you should leave the rental property to your DS25 entirely.

You could explain in your will that you did this knowing that your 2 younger children will inherit substantially more from their GM.

At least that gives DS25 something of real value.

What does your DH think?

Could you and your DH talk to your MIL and explain your concerns? Say that it's not about the amounts involved at all, it's the principle of equality between your children? So could she split the same total amount equally? Your DS has been part of their family since he was 2 years old so it doesn't feel unreasonable to me.

Of course it's her money to do as she wants with but surely she doesn't want to damage the relationships between your children?

Even if you discourage her wearing the pieces, I would encourage her to keep them. They’re items that will appreciate in value over time, as they will already have done.

I do think there’s a risk of your husband following suit and leaving his property to only his children, if you decide to bequeath one house solely to your oldest (I’m of course assuming that he wouldn’t need to agree to you doing that).

Maybe focus on the positives. Your husband’s family being part of your orb has brought your DS25 privileges and experiences he would never otherwise have had. Financial stability is a huge benefit. Life as the only child of a single Mum would have been very different.

What does your DH intend to do with the property left to him? Split it two or three ways?