Inheritance in a blended family

How close are your younger two siblings to your eldest?

I know not everyone will agree but if this was the case with me and my siblings we would equally distribute between us, I suppose the love and bond needs to be there beforehand however, but would also need to take into account how the younger two will be earning at the time of the inheritance landing, so it's as fair as possible for everyone.

I think your DS may lash out at your MIL, although really he's angry with his DF, but it's hard to acknowledge faults in your own birth family

So your son was abandoned by his father who left his money to his new wife and kids.

And your DH has been in his life since he was 2?

Is your DS leaving him anything?

Honestly it sounds like your DS has experienced a ton of trauma. It's actually amazing he's done so well at a young age!

I think all you can do is acknowledge that he has suffered in ways your other kids never will. And he probably should have therapy. He's had a lot of loss.

I think your dismissing his need for therapy and just needing to understand wills is quite cruel.

What an arsehole his dad was. Your poor son.

Similarly we have 2 dc and dp dsis has 1. He is a step dad to 1dc.
Im not sure if dpil would leave to step ggc.
I imagine they would leave to their dc. So may end up with the step dc eventually.

If i were op i would balance it out i my own inheritance so if necessary leave all to dc1. The other 2 wont need more on top of 1m each.
If op goes first though her dh might leave everything to his dc

Why do they live a completely different life to your oldest son when you met your DH when oldest so was 2? Sounds like husband and family are showing favouritism and as the "lesser" sibling in my own family, I can understand why this would upset him.

I’m confused, you said he doesn’t have much of a relationship with her in one post but in this one they do and she’s leaving him something?
im honestly not trying to nitpick or anything but I think how your son views these people might be a factor ?
Has he spent 23 years thinking they are his family and now when it comes down to it , that’s not how inheritance works, you’re not actually family?
again I’m honestly not trying to pick at things, just trying to see things from DS point of view
my apologies if I’ve got it wrong

I agree with this - if MIL has known your son since he was 2, then I can see why he is so upset. She is causing the issues here.

When his Father died didn't you question your sons inheritance? Did his Father have a will?

I have a friend in a very similar situation. GM of youngest 2 DC had a lottery win so those DC will be very wealthy one day. Oldest child (different dad) will get nothing. I know how unfair it must feel for them but they will have to accept it’s how it is.

But why on earth have you been discussing this with him? It seems a bizarre thing to do when you don't seem to even know for sure what's in the will. Is the mil dying imminently? If not, it's very strange this would arise. You should have just said you have no idea what's in the will and left it at that.

@iwanttoholdyourhand, so despite not having a great relationship with your elder son your MiL is leaving your elder son money in her will. Just not as much as her 2 DGC. I think given this new information he is being totally unreasonable. He should be thankful he is being left anything especially as he doesn't have a great relationship with her. He sounds immature and ungrateful. Don't spoil your legacy with your other DC by excluding them from your own will. Treat all DC equally.

Sorry, do you mean your exh (DS’s father) remarried and had further children? And your DS got nothing from that?

It is old fashioned jealousy which in this situation, while not great, is completely understandable

None of your children asked to be born into different families but they were due to circumstance. So while you have brought them up as the same, in reality there is a massive difference on how their lives will be

It is what it is and ultimately everyone will need to accept that the future will be what it will be. But I can understand why your son feels the way he does about the opportunities his siblings will have that he won’t through no fault of his own, he just happened to be born to the wrong dad

I think tell your son to think of it like cousins have different inheritance's according to their parents but don't fall out over it. His siblings have different dads and that's why. He can feel resentful but there's nothing you can do about it so don't take it out on you or them please. He's scapegoating all of you as it probably feels too painful to be angry at his dead dad

Are your son’s paternal grandparents still alive? Will he inherit from them? What happened to all of your exDH’s money. If he was earning £7k a week, I assume he was very wealthy? Where has all that gone?

the inheritance may go to someone else

HMRC most likely. bunch of thieves

At the point a parent dies you feel intense grief. At this point the last thing any DC needs is to feel their beloved parent loved a sibling more than them to the point they excluded them from their will in death. The final thing they did was to gift everything they had to a sibling and excluded you. You might bring your kids up to understand your viewpoint but it won't stop them hurting like hell because they feel all your love and final thoughts went to your siblings.