Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate Broken Homes

133 replies

MintTraybake · 25/04/2024 15:21

Why does everyone think that a "Broken Home" is worse than staying in an abusive/loveless partnership?

I find it so gross 😬

Why on earth anyone would think blindly staying together for children is more beneficial than their children experiencing healthy relationships or healthy singledom is absolutely beyond me!

Ignoring the financial aspect - why would anyone bother!?!?!

*YABU - Broken homes are the worst
*YANBU - Healthy homes are best

OP posts:
Elebag · 25/04/2024 19:30

Is this AI again?

Houseinawood · 25/04/2024 19:25

Oh ffs a healthy home can have none - 100 parents in

a broken home can have two parents who are millionaires in and housekeepers and staff

grow up

Original poster
MintTraybake · 25/04/2024 19:19

MadelineWuntch · 25/04/2024 15:28

Title doesn't really make sense in conjunction with the OP. And the voting options look odd too. Unless it's me <peers into cup>

I missed out the “” in the title. Does that help? I did it in the main body but not the title and didn’t amend.

OP posts:
CrispieCake · 25/04/2024 19:19

The reality is that there are no perfect outcomes in many situations. Only the least worst. Family breakdown does adversely affect children but it's often not clear that unhappily staying together would have been any better.

And some may disagree but I don't necessarily think that women should always be expected to do what is best for the children in every single situation. Mostly, yes, but there are some lines to do with personal autonomy that should not be crossed. For example, the kids might prefer it if their mum and dad stayed together, but if that means their mum will be expected to have frequent unwanted sex or (less serious but still bad) turn a blind eye to her partner cheating on her, then I'm afraid the mum's wellbeing comes first in those situations imo.

Original poster
MintTraybake · 25/04/2024 19:18

Oneofthesurvivors · 25/04/2024 15:27

Who even says "broken homes" anymore? Also your poll sucks. It assumes that people think single parent families can not be healthy.

Literally people commenting it in this thread say it and mean it 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
MintTraybake · 25/04/2024 19:17

0verandoveragain · 25/04/2024 15:30

I wouldn't consider a separation when children involved a broke home. I'd consider it a healthy home that the parents made the right choice for them, and done correctly the kids shouldn't feel otherwise.

👏👏 agreed

OP posts:
Original poster
MintTraybake · 25/04/2024 19:08

imnotwhoyouthinkiam · 25/04/2024 18:51

I know lots of people in real life who think a "broken home" is a bad thing. But by broken home they mean single parent.

I've been told that my ex and I should have stayed together "for the children" more than once. Breaking up wasn't my choice! But actually, long term I'm much happier. My dc are happier.

The phrase "broken home" is nasty and implies that single parent families are lesser.

this is the type of person and situation I am
rederrinh to hearing about over and over again @silenttwin . So if you don’t experience this; then it’s really great that people around you are so progressive and not hurtful.

My experience , plus this persons,
plus another on the thread is sadly different to yours.

Ya know sometimes when it feels the world is against you? And “everyone” hates you and “everyone” thinks this and everyone thinks that? It’s quite difficult not to feel that way when people are dismissive and just tell you to get over it. It’s not necessarily referring to everyone you’re surrounded by - but enough to make you feel sht and make others feel sht.

Thats what the post meant. Enough people to make you think twice about it.

OP posts:
imnotwhoyouthinkiam · 25/04/2024 18:51

I know lots of people in real life who think a "broken home" is a bad thing. But by broken home they mean single parent.

I've been told that my ex and I should have stayed together "for the children" more than once. Breaking up wasn't my choice! But actually, long term I'm much happier. My dc are happier.

The phrase "broken home" is nasty and implies that single parent families are lesser.

silenttwin · 25/04/2024 18:45

MintTraybake · 25/04/2024 18:39

And some people would still call you’re home “broken”. Which as I’ve said, I wholeheartedly disagree with.

So I’m unsure what part of it is causing so much conflict tbh. It screams projection.

The comments “warning” other people of my comments is so unnecessarily aggressive.

Show quote history

ok i’ll be clear

In your OP you very much are of the view that this is a majority view and indeed “everyone” and give the impression you think it’s a viewpoint espoused by “many” on mumsnet

And honestly… if we were in the 50s i would agree but now… i have been on mumsnet for years and i guess a handful of times ihsve seen the view (and it’s been pulled apart if ever seen!)

So my point was that it was hyperbolic

where are all these threads dominated by this view? who are these people in your RL that proclaim this view?!

NoisySnail · 25/04/2024 18:44

No one intelligent agrees with what you have written in your OP. But even if splitting up is the best option, many parents seem to not recognise the impact it has on their children. It is very common when a parent gets together with a new partner, for the parent not to recognise this can cause complex feelings for their DC. I also think the impact of travelling between two houses is often minimised.

If parents acknowledge these hard truths they can put mitigating measures in place. But normally they just declare their DCs love the new partner and everything is hunky dory.

Original poster
MintTraybake · 25/04/2024 18:41

ivs · 25/04/2024 18:37

*YABU - Broken homes are the worst
*YANBU - Healthy homes are best

Did op bother to explain this?

What would you like explained?

vote - YABU and calling homes “Broken” is fine

vote - YANBU and any type of healthy home is fine. Be that single or partnered.

There are many comments above where I’ve been understood but seemingly no one misunderstanding wants to read those.

OP posts:
Original poster
MintTraybake · 25/04/2024 18:39

silenttwin · 25/04/2024 18:34

single
2 children
get on very well with my ex
as far from a “broken home” as you can imagine

Show quote history

And some people would still call you’re home “broken”. Which as I’ve said, I wholeheartedly disagree with.

So I’m unsure what part of it is causing so much conflict tbh. It screams projection.

The comments “warning” other people of my comments is so unnecessarily aggressive.

OP posts:
ivs · 25/04/2024 18:37

*YABU - Broken homes are the worst
*YANBU - Healthy homes are best

Did op bother to explain this?

Original poster
MintTraybake · 25/04/2024 18:37

Jk8 · 25/04/2024 18:22

That last bit makes no sense I'm assuming wine & regret are ruling your night ?

Show quote history

I don’t drink so sadly no wine… but im not sure I’m understanding ?
I assume you mean the :
YABU - YANBU part? I meant that people calling single parent or person homes “broken” is not right; and that a happy healthy home in whatever format it is is the best. Whether that’s alone or with a partner.

maybe I didn’t write it very clearly?

OP posts:
silenttwin · 25/04/2024 18:34

Jk8 · 25/04/2024 18:22

That last bit makes no sense I'm assuming wine & regret are ruling your night ?

Show quote history

brace yourself!

silenttwin · 25/04/2024 18:34

MintTraybake · 25/04/2024 18:02

Yes… that’s what I wrote and noted that I saw and see, not only on here but in “real life”.
I love progressive thinkers - but sadly that’s not everyone.
I’m glad to see views changing - just Incase that wasn’t painful obvious by my comments.

You seem to be commenting very snappy responses, not really addressing anything except being dismissive of my findings.

If yours are opposing, then great,
good for you. Glad that you don’t have to be surrounded by the antiquated opinions.

However if you feel trapped in a situation and feel bitter/are projecting - there is most definitely help out there.

Show quote history

single
2 children
get on very well with my ex
as far from a “broken home” as you can imagine

Ilovegoldies · 25/04/2024 18:27

It's obvious what you meant OP (or at least it was to me) I've been on this site for ten years and I've seen it so many times that the partner or husband is a deadbeat but they stay citing 'I don't want my children to come from a broken home'
FFS your home is broken beyond repair with an arsehole living in it.
I'm a single mum. We thrived. Despite periods of poverty and hardship we got through it.

Jk8 · 25/04/2024 18:22

MintTraybake · 25/04/2024 15:21

Why does everyone think that a "Broken Home" is worse than staying in an abusive/loveless partnership?

I find it so gross 😬

Why on earth anyone would think blindly staying together for children is more beneficial than their children experiencing healthy relationships or healthy singledom is absolutely beyond me!

Ignoring the financial aspect - why would anyone bother!?!?!

*YABU - Broken homes are the worst
*YANBU - Healthy homes are best

That last bit makes no sense I'm assuming wine & regret are ruling your night ?

Original poster
MintTraybake · 25/04/2024 18:02

silenttwin · 25/04/2024 17:40

but a large number of responses I see

Yes… that’s what I wrote and noted that I saw and see, not only on here but in “real life”.
I love progressive thinkers - but sadly that’s not everyone.
I’m glad to see views changing - just Incase that wasn’t painful obvious by my comments.

You seem to be commenting very snappy responses, not really addressing anything except being dismissive of my findings.

If yours are opposing, then great,
good for you. Glad that you don’t have to be surrounded by the antiquated opinions.

However if you feel trapped in a situation and feel bitter/are projecting - there is most definitely help out there.

OP posts:
silenttwin · 25/04/2024 17:40

but a large number of responses I see

toastandtwo · 25/04/2024 17:32

silenttwin · 25/04/2024 17:24

what people are disagreeing with is that idea that many people let alone “everyone” thinks this.

Its a view that i have seen on mumsnet maybe a handful of times as many others on this thread agree

Show quote history

But presumably OP is surrounded by people who think this way - otherwise she wouldn’t have started the thread in the first place.

silenttwin · 25/04/2024 17:24

toastandtwo · 25/04/2024 17:15

Yeah I don’t think people realise that they’re mostly agreeing with you OP. I see this a lot on MN… extremely poor comprehension.

what people are disagreeing with is that idea that many people let alone “everyone” thinks this.

Its a view that i have seen on mumsnet maybe a handful of times as many others on this thread agree

BashfulClam · 25/04/2024 17:17

My parents should have split many years before my father died. Despite two parents it wasn’t ‘healthy’ and the long term psychological issues of me and my sibling are the fallout.

toastandtwo · 25/04/2024 17:15

Yeah I don’t think people realise that they’re mostly agreeing with you OP. I see this a lot on MN… extremely poor comprehension.

DaisyChain505 · 25/04/2024 17:13

I read alot of posts from mainly women on here who are in dead end/abusive/miserable relationships but say they are sticking it out for the kids and as a child who was put through one of these scenarios it is the WORST thing you could do.

Children aren’t stupid, they can sense when things aren’t right/being talked about etc. You’re also setting them up for warped views on their own relationships when they’re adults. Also what happens once the children leave home and it’s just you and the person you can stand all alone? You will realise you’ve wasted valuable years for nothing.

Its always better to have two separate happy parents living apart than a toxic household.