To hate Broken Homes

I've never seen anyone on MN advise that a woman remain in an abusive relationship. Loveless? Well – there is a subset on MN poster who do believe that a home should be kept as stable for children as possible, and that a split family causes more harm for them than to witness a less-than-happy union between their parents. To split isn't always going to lead to joyous singledom or a happily blended family – it can lead to extreme financial pressures, displacement, unsuitable step-parents/siblings, and trauma of moving schools/areas/homes, etc.

I don't know the answer, but I do think it's highly complex and the above isn't a ridiculous thing to consider.

I never saw any affection between my parents. Mum constantly moaning and unhappy. Divorce was considered absolutely not an acceptable thing to do. I grew up and had abusive relationships and while I do take responsibility for some of the bad choices I've made I do think a big contribution to it was I didn't know what a healthy relationship looked like. Staying for the children absolutely is not always best

@MintTraybake it is absolutely true. They do stay, it must be very miserable and not much fun for both parties, but I really do believe it is a hard wired belief. And I've seen it within my own family too. AND I am quite young, and still surprisingly have this view! But yes, I do believe it's true and totally agree with you.

Why on earth anyone would think blindly staying together for children is more beneficial than their children experiencing healthy relationships or healthy singledom is absolutely beyond me!

Even from your OP, this is an over-simplification. There are many people who agonise about separating, with DC in mind. This might be to do with what they perceive their DC will lose, in terms of a family set-up, the type of lifestyle they might not have, the practical implications of having to share custody of their children. That's not 'blindly' doing anything - it's a completely natural worry and consideration that many separating couples will have.

And if the relationship you are leaving (as mine was) is abusive and damaging, the idea that there's a possibility of a healthy relationship or that you can feel happy again, when single, seems hard to believe.

I'm not arguing with you that the idea that staying together no matter what is not a good approach, but I am taking issue with your sweeping generalisations that this is somehow typical. It's not. And the 'broken home' terminology is definitely anachronistic.

very glad for you that you don't have that negative projection put onto your situation.

Well yes, it's my experience (surely that's all anyone can talk about here - including you).

But you are missing my wider point. Unfortunately I have experienced judgement and pretty unpleasant patronising approaches too - but never have heard the phrase 'broken home'. About me or others.

So my point was really - even where there are judgmental situations, 'broken home' is not something I have experienced and one which you are undoubtedly over-stating. Your posts purporting to give examples aren't quite doing that.

I feel slightly different to a lot of posters on this thread. I think a lot of women actually do stay in relationships they're not happy in just for their children. (DV / abusive relationships are NOT included in this statement)
A lot of people get comfortable and don't want to uproot their children's lives if they can help it - and would rather stay in the normality they've known for years than leave if their situation in their opinions is not "exceptionally bad"
Single parent homes can absolutely work, and be happy and functional, but it doesn't stop the hard-wired belief that children should have a 2 parent household, that a lot of women (and men) still do share.

I'd even disagree with "some people"

I do not know anyone who would suggest that a DV situation is better than a single life situation? With or without kids.

Maybe I'm just from a different life than you

Happy parents = Happy children
Miserable unhappy parents = Not so much Happy children.

I used to wish my parents would separate when I was a kid because they brought out the worst in each other. They didn’t get on but stayed together because they were stuck financially. It’s wasn’t a nice environment to be brought up in.

No one can tell me that my childhood was better because my parents stayed together!! It was awful!

I beg to differ. You literally see it posted on MN daily. 'I don't want my kids to have a broken home'.

A home can be broken in many ways.

YABU - your poll is broken.

Why does everyone think that a "Broken Home" is worse than staying in an abusive/loveless partnership?

They don't...

I dont know anyone who talks this way,
I've been divorced for 9 years, my sons father and I have worked hard to create a happy and safe cop parenting relationship, with 50/50 shared care where our now almost 12 yo son feels safe and secure.

Im happily single, just bought my first home, his father is remarried to a fabulous woman who adores our boy.

Yes it's sometimes hard having two homes but better than a really unhappy mum.

Im not quite sure what on earth is going on, however... staying together when the relationship is toxic, or broken in some way is stupid.

I did it for besy part of 10 years, and it damaged all of us. Getting out, being a single parent, and being able to build an amicable co-parenting relationship with my Ex has benefited everyone (well, me and the kids, he is miserable but has only his shitty behaviour to blame) and we're all much more happy.

As a single parent in an area where that's still not very common, I've had many direct & indirect comments about my situation which have been thoughtless and sometimes hurtful.

Never have I heard, or felt implied, the term 'broken home'.

I think OP is wildly over-stating a fairly redundant term that isn't used or thought about much (and being very snippy with posters who find her post understandably confusing)

There are, IME, many judgments proffered on single mothers still, unfortunately. Not this however.