Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder why I feel nothing after break up?

30 replies

ChippyChips1 · 25/04/2024 14:47

Been with exDP for 8 years, 3 DC together.

We split 2 months ago but still living together while I look for somewhere else to live.
Mortgage is in his name only.
We're finally moving out next week!

He used to be very hard working, which I loved about him. Although was very controlling and a pain in the arse to live with.
I really did love him though.

Since late last year, he quit his job and spends all his time gaming. Thought he was going to make thousands from this but that's still not panned out.

I couldn't take being ignored anymore and doing all the kid stuff while he was spending every waking hour on his computer.
So we split, although he thinks this is my fault because I was always moaning at him. Not taking into account I was working full time and do absolutely everything in the house and with the DC. He did not lift a finger.
At this point I was heartbroken.

We tried again for a week and then he didn't speak to me for 2 days and then when I finally got it out of him what was wrong he said he was angry that I was being too tactile with him. Well I lost it and we didn't say a word to each other for a week. Things are better now and we are getting on well but I think after this anger at making me feel so disgusting I've just closed off completely.

Since then, he's completely stepped away from family life, we see him twice a day while he collects meals and back upstairs again.
Barely says 2 words to DC.
Not in any kind of way that he's moody or anything, he just has better things to do in his mind I guess.

I expect I should feel sad or something.. it's giving me more anxiety that I don't, I don't really feel anything. But he was the love of my life for many years, I just don't think he's the same person anymore.

I'm almost expecting to break down at some point once we've moved out.

Anyone had experience of this?
I don't know if I'm just numb right now or I am actually ok.

OP posts:
ChippyChips1 · 25/04/2024 14:53

MalibuBarbieDreamHouse · 25/04/2024 14:50

You’ve got through alot OP. He doesn’t sound like a great partner or father. You’re doing great, no one tells you how you should handle these things!

No you're right, he hasn't been.

He's one of these. It's his way or no way.

I'm just sad for my DC that he's really not bothered. Also planning on selling up and going back to his home country.
I feel sad for them. They deserve better.

OP posts:
ChippyChips1 · 25/04/2024 14:51

Lassiata · 25/04/2024 14:49

Contempt and resentment kill love. His selfishness and nastiness have killed yours. You've already grieved that loss.
You're okay, OP. You're just done.

Ah, yes that would make total sense.
I think he has killed any feelings I had left. Thank you for that.

With regards to cooking, I'm only sometimes sticking extra in if he wants while I'm cooking for DC. He usually does his own.

Still trying to keep things friendly for DC I guess..

OP posts:
MalibuBarbieDreamHouse · 25/04/2024 14:50

You’ve got through alot OP. He doesn’t sound like a great partner or father. You’re doing great, no one tells you how you should handle these things!

Lassiata · 25/04/2024 14:49

Please stop cooking for him...

Lassiata · 25/04/2024 14:49

Contempt and resentment kill love. His selfishness and nastiness have killed yours. You've already grieved that loss.
You're okay, OP. You're just done.