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Original poster

Friend constantly cancelling plans

62 replies

Joder · 25/04/2024 10:58

Hi All,

I'm a busy mum with a full time job so as you can imagine my down time is very scarce!

I have a friend who is constantly making dates for coffee with me and then cancelling on the day! I am beyond frustrated at this point, as I make arrangements for my kids to be minded.

She's gotten so bad that I don't even bother making childcare arrangements anymore as I know she will cancel!

If I keep saying no, she moans she never sees me.

I feel like just cutting her off now. Would I be unreasonable for this?

I just feel shes very high maintenance. She doesn't work and her kids are grown up, so she texts everyday and is always looking for 'favours' (lifts to places as she doesn't drive and lately she has started looking for money). I am drained!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Joder · 25/04/2024 18:09

Thank you all so much for replying, It has helped a lot!
My husband thinks she’s a user and tells me not to bother. I’ve known her since we were 5 and I guess I feel a bit nostalgic about our friendship throughout the years, but she is really pushing all my boundaries now!
We lost contact in adulthood and are only back friends the past 5 years, just before covid.
I can’t be doing with it anymore, I’m just going to be honest and say no to meeting up.

OP posts:
1offnamechange · 25/04/2024 18:07

good for you!

Original poster
Joder · 25/04/2024 18:05

meant to say, it was far too inconvenient for me!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Joder · 25/04/2024 18:04

1offnamechange · 25/04/2024 11:36

Its not clear if you're giving her the favours she's asking for or not - I'm hoping not given she's complaining she doesnt see you but if she does stop that asap!

If you WANT to stay friends with her I'd give her one more chance but tell her "Look every single time we've tried to arrange this coffee you've cancelled, if you cancel it again this time I'm not going to bother in future."

If you're not bothered about staying friends I'd be tempted to do as the pp said - agree to give her a lift then cancel last minute with a 'see how it feels' then block her number. Depends on how petty you want to be!

I work in a school so I have the summers off, and she knows this!
She kept asking me to drive her or one of her adult children to hospital appointments and I did it once. But she expected me to wait around for hours and then drop them home again 😡
I never did it after that one time, I told her it was far too uncomfortable me.
TBF, I’m not a pushover, and I’ve no problems with saying no when it comes to favours! Only because I would NEVER ask anyone to do that for me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Joder · 25/04/2024 18:00

pinkyredrose · 25/04/2024 11:37

Did you give her any money?

No, never!

OP posts:
Original poster
Joder · 25/04/2024 17:59

Havingawobbley · 25/04/2024 11:17

What are her reasons for cancelling? I'm intrigued.

She cancels because she’s ’having a bad day’, or ’her head is all over the place’!! No solid excuses

OP posts:
Original poster
Joder · 25/04/2024 17:57

LoveWine123 · 25/04/2024 11:03

Next time you agree to do something be sure to cancel first. Particularly if it’s a favour you’re doing her (like a lift). Better even, cut her out if she is bringing you so much negativity. Life is too short.

I actually did this once!
she wanted a lift to a hospital appointment and that day I cancelled. I didn’t feel guilty at all!

OP posts:
Sofafor2for1 · 25/04/2024 17:23

I had a friend who did this constantly, to the point I ignored her texts, voice mails etc. After she tried to make out to other friends, I was the one cancelling (at the time a single mum to twins, I needed a night out!) I cut her out completely.
Some people just aren't worth the stress or the negativity, I didn't miss her company either.

Jennick · 25/04/2024 16:55

I had such a friend ,drop her now !!!

QueenBitch666 · 25/04/2024 15:00

Get rid. She's a flaky disrespectful user

Maddy70 · 25/04/2024 15:00

LoveWine123 · 25/04/2024 11:03

Next time you agree to do something be sure to cancel first. Particularly if it’s a favour you’re doing her (like a lift). Better even, cut her out if she is bringing you so much negativity. Life is too short.

Who has the energy for game playing?

Just tell her. She always cancels and its pissing you off.

grapeomelette · 25/04/2024 14:42

God yes, bin her off. I have no idea how people have the time or energy to put up with people like this.

NeedToChangeName · 25/04/2024 14:31

oldgreysquirreltest · 25/04/2024 11:56

My strategy for these types is this: when they text to ask to meet up, I invite them to join me in something I already plan to do. That way, if they don't turn up or cancel, it's not inconvenienced me.

@oldgreysquirreltest that's my strategy too

I only have one flaky friend. She's welcome to join another friend and me for a walk, but I wouldn't make arrangements to see her one her own, or book eg theatre tickets for her

uncomfortablydumb53 · 25/04/2024 14:24

She's using you and probably only committing to meeting if there's anything she wants( I'm really sorry to put it like that)
Your time is precious and should be spent on friendships which are a two way street
YANBU just dump her and don't look back.

notacooldad · 25/04/2024 14:17

Have you asked why she does this and told her how it causes you problems.
She may ( or may not ) just be thoughtless and think its fine with you.
I'd listen to her first of all. If it carries on after you've said something, kick her to the kerb!

Caroparo52 · 25/04/2024 14:12

Joder · 25/04/2024 10:58

Hi All,

I'm a busy mum with a full time job so as you can imagine my down time is very scarce!

I have a friend who is constantly making dates for coffee with me and then cancelling on the day! I am beyond frustrated at this point, as I make arrangements for my kids to be minded.

She's gotten so bad that I don't even bother making childcare arrangements anymore as I know she will cancel!

If I keep saying no, she moans she never sees me.

I feel like just cutting her off now. Would I be unreasonable for this?

I just feel shes very high maintenance. She doesn't work and her kids are grown up, so she texts everyday and is always looking for 'favours' (lifts to places as she doesn't drive and lately she has started looking for money). I am drained!!

You are neither her priority nor her friend... sadly just a free lift.
I'd knock it on the head and not be available for coffee and certainly not free lifts

HcbSS · 25/04/2024 13:59

Drop her like a hot brick. Flaky shit.

2Rebecca · 25/04/2024 12:10

As she's looking for money and favours constantly I'd dump her. If she's short of cash she won't have money for coffee anyway. She could fill her time by getting a job

2Rebecca · 25/04/2024 12:08

I'd be honest that you aren't making arrangements because she nearly always cancels them and you have to arrange childcare and feel messed about by her. If it's just coffee and you like her just invite her round for a coffee

pleasehelpagirlout · 25/04/2024 12:06

Cut her off. Life is too short

Trickabrick · 25/04/2024 12:00

Next time she asks to make plans say “Sorry, you’ve cancelled the last X times on me and I don’t believe this time will be any different”

Newestname002 · 25/04/2024 11:58

@Joder

I just feel shes very high maintenance. She doesn't work and her kids are grown up, so she texts everyday and is always looking for 'favours' (lifts to places as she doesn't drive and lately she has started looking for money). I am drained!!

So a person who does want work, has no small children to take into account is asking the busy person, with a busy full time job and children who need childcare is asking you constantly wasting your time, asking for lifts, dropping out of arrangements and now she's asking you for money.

I wouldn't spend any more energy on this and would certainly not lend or give money to her. She can either get a job, any job, to pay her way and/or ask her adult children for money and lifts. Time to back away and lose her number, OP. 🌹

oldgreysquirreltest · 25/04/2024 11:56

My strategy for these types is this: when they text to ask to meet up, I invite them to join me in something I already plan to do. That way, if they don't turn up or cancel, it's not inconvenienced me.

user1471433754 · 25/04/2024 11:49

It's such a shame when this happens. I had a friend for years who would always cancel the night before or on the day or not even turn up at all! This happened every single time. I would even message her the evening before to check she was still on for a coffee....radio silence. Her eventual excuse when she would phone later that day, or even leave a voice message, was that either the car was in the garage or her dad had been taken into hospital. Every. Single. Time.
I had to stop contact, wished her and her dad well but not to phone me anymore. I was so hurt. I think sometimes you just have to let flaky friends go and concentrate on the ones that are there for you x

pinkyredrose · 25/04/2024 11:37

Did you give her any money?

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