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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To consider selling our house and travelling the world with two toddlers?

360 replies

travellingwithtoddlers · 24/04/2024 22:42

DH have been discussing the possibility of doing this for a while. DH is incredibly unhappy with his job at the moment and is considering quitting and having a break to de-stress. I am a SAHM and we have two toddlers aged 1 and 3.5.

We don’t need to sell our house to use the money to travel (we have savings we could use). We are considering selling our house, lots of our possessions and our cars in order to reduce our responsibilities here at home and putting things that we want to keep into storage.

Ideally we would spend some time in SE Asia, Australia, the Middle East and perhaps return home after 12-18 months. We would then look to buy a house again upon our return.

Is this idea great or am I just swept up with the excitement of planning the trip? We can afford to support ourselves for the trip, but it would use all of our savings. We would be returning purely to a deposit for a house (from the sale of our current house) which would be approx 40% of the value of the sort of house we would like to buy (if this makes any difference!).

Also - does anyone have any tips on places to visit?!

OP posts:
travellingwithtoddlers · 25/04/2024 12:15

Mumoftwo1312 · 24/04/2024 23:14

Unless you're very relaxed with using babysitters you've never met, etc (I'm not that relaxed myself), your kids will basically not interact meaningfully with any adults except their two parents. For over a year!

I think you're imagining that this odyssey will open their minds and build their confidence but in reality I think it'd do the opposite. Their world will shrink to just the nuclear family. That would likely hold back their vocabulary acquisition and other learning.

I definitely wouldn’t use baby sitters. We don’t use baby sitters here in the UK either and are too far from our families to have them look after DC too. DC are constantly with me and DH so this would be no different whether we were in the UK or abroad.

I don’t think this will affect language acquisition - it it would, then DC would already be affected (they aren’t).

OP posts:
DramaLlamaBangBang · 25/04/2024 12:11

I mean, if your kids are experienced travellers and you've sorted out all the logistics, dont think your toddlers are going to beca nightmare, then the other issues are resolvable I think. The school thing- if you are moving anyway you can easily homeschool a 5 year old until a school place came up. Have you thought of hiring a camper van in each place and using that to travel in? I also agree with others- what are you going to do in Dubai for 2 months? You could go for a couple of weeks and see everything, whereas almost anywhere else in Asia you could be there for 2 months and not even scratch the surface!

BruFord · 25/04/2024 12:01

Yes, you need very good insurance. My BIL and his wife live in SE Asia and end up on drips a few times a year due to dodgy tummies!

pjani · 25/04/2024 12:01

I think it sounds amazing! Though agree that selling your old house and buying one in an area with good primary schools and renting it out then makes sure that you're all set up for your return, with no issues getting a mortgage after a period of no earnings.

And I was going to suggest some time in New Zealand as well - beautiful country, friendly people, so much to see.

VickyEadieofThigh · 25/04/2024 12:00

OP- have you looked into travel insurance for the trip? Being properly covered for both health AND potential need for medical evacuation would be vital.

travellingwithtoddlers · 25/04/2024 11:59

PKNI · 24/04/2024 22:59

If you do sell the house and travel for 1-2 years, and return with only a deposit for a new home, not buying outright, are you absolutely certain that your husband will have a job to come back to? As you'll need to obtain and service a new mortgage?
Also, are you closely monitoring global politics/threats of war? Middle East appears to be very volatile at present. I don't mean to rain on your parade - I'm a natural pessimist who always looks for the catch before deciding on anything! Good luck to you and your family whatever you decide.

We know that we would have to come back to the UK and rent temporarily until DH found a new job / could get a mortgage again. We have factored this into costs. DH would be able to find a new job quite easily, and could go in at a slightly lower level than what he is at now if needed.

OP posts:
travellingwithtoddlers · 25/04/2024 11:56

JennyfromtheBlok · 24/04/2024 22:58

Also throw in things like illness and drs appointments for the little ones. Yes I know not all kids get ill, but travelling around will increase chances of this.

Im pretty carefree but don’t think I would enjoy this with those ages.

I would definitely ensure we only went to places with adequate healthcare facilities for sure.

OP posts:
BIossomtoes · 25/04/2024 11:54

travellingwithtoddlers · 25/04/2024 11:50

I would have to home school until a place did come up. Are primary schools really so full that it’s a possibility I wouldn’t be able to get a place (genuinely asking as I didn’t know this?)?!

No, schools are actually closing in some places because there aren’t enough children. The LA has a statutory duty to educate all children so you’d definitely get a place, it might not be in the school you’d ideally choose. If you’re moving anyway that would factor into your decision about where to live.

travellingwithtoddlers · 25/04/2024 11:54

Theredjellybean · 25/04/2024 11:49

On reading the original title I thought "madness induced by too much watching people's unrealistic on line lives"
But after reading your actual plan...I'd say it's really a long holiday not traveling.
You plan on staying in hotels in areas slightly more challenging and having 1&2 months in Dubai is definitely not showing children or dh the world... it'll be watching cable TV in air conditioning and trips to the mall....
I'd probably say if you want the feeling of "doing travelling" and the kudos of saying " oh yes we took the children traveling when they were babies" ...then why not a motor home round Australia and new Zealand for 6 months ..

Yes, I do agree - more of a very long extended holiday.

I agree it’s not “seeing the world” in the typical sense - but it’s definitely seeing more of it than being stuck in the UK! I’d like to do my usual SAHM life, just in some different countries whilst seeing some new places! As opposed to back packing through countries without the facilities I would need for the DC.

OP posts:
YouveGotAFastCar · 25/04/2024 11:52

@travellingwithtoddlers We're debating this too, although I only have one two-year-old. Our current plans are either to get a visa to move to Spain - I'm eligible, but it's expensive and a frustrating process - or to travel in the way you've planned.

A university friend of mine is doing it with her four children at the moment. They sold their Australian home and spent three weeks in Bali, but felt it wasn't child-friendly enough, and then started travelling. They've done longer stretches in Vietnam, Thailand and are currently in Morocco at a world school site, where they're staying for a bit. They're going to Egypt next for a month, and then looking for somewhere in South America to "settle" for six months, as they've found nine months of moving every 2 - 6 weeks has taken it's toll and they'd all like to rest a bit. They've done shorter trips to Paris, Germany, Poland and Spain, too, but they have to be mindful of the 90/180-day rule, as we would too. They also did Christmas in Japan, but that was a special bucket-list thing, I think.

I love to travel with my little one, and I'd love to give him that experience. My only concern with your plan would be your eldest's age... 3.5 seems too late. She'll be disadvantaged with not starting school with her peers, if you intend that she goes to school here. She'll have a brilliant time travelling, but I think you need to plan to wrap it up before she needs to start.

You'd also need to be mindful of the laws where you'd be when she'd be due to start. Spain, for example, doesn't allow home-schooling, and some other places are the same.

travellingwithtoddlers · 25/04/2024 11:50

fieldsofbutterflies · 25/04/2024 11:40

For this trip, I would be prepared to start our eldest at school late.

What will you do if you can't get a school place?

I would have to home school until a place did come up. Are primary schools really so full that it’s a possibility I wouldn’t be able to get a place (genuinely asking as I didn’t know this?)?!

OP posts:
Theredjellybean · 25/04/2024 11:49

On reading the original title I thought "madness induced by too much watching people's unrealistic on line lives"
But after reading your actual plan...I'd say it's really a long holiday not traveling.
You plan on staying in hotels in areas slightly more challenging and having 1&2 months in Dubai is definitely not showing children or dh the world... it'll be watching cable TV in air conditioning and trips to the mall....
I'd probably say if you want the feeling of "doing travelling" and the kudos of saying " oh yes we took the children traveling when they were babies" ...then why not a motor home round Australia and new Zealand for 6 months ..

travellingwithtoddlers · 25/04/2024 11:49

Mumoftwo1312 · 24/04/2024 22:56

My kids are a similar age and they would absolutely hate it. If my kids are unhappy, no one with working ears is happy

Reasons why:

You can't build a support network of adults. It's just you, entertaining your kids, everyday, without end. Your kids won't be able to build educational relationships with other adults (nursery teachers, extended family).

It takes trial and error to find a place/activity your kids like. Soft play, play cafe, pub with play area... as soon as you discover a good place, it's time to move on.

They'll spend a disproportionate amount of time being transported. Kids hate that. Or just mine?

Stating the obvious but you won't have convenient facilities, at least not everywhere you go. Not just toilets but laundry etc etc. Potty training your youngest while travelling? Lol! No thanks.

To be honest, this applies to our life now! We live hours away from all family, and neither of the DC go to nursery. I am a SAHM and we do mix with other children and adults at toddler classes/soft play - but outside of our immediate family, the DC don’t have any meaningful relationships with anybody else really.

We would have facilities - we would rent air b&bs, not stay in hostels like backpackers.

OP posts:
Silvers11 · 25/04/2024 11:43

@travellingwithtoddlers Whatever you do, you would be really, really, unwise to sell your house before you go. I see you want to change your location when you come back, but you would be coming back with no job to go to, at least in the short term, all your savings gone and wouldn't be able to get a mortgage until one of you, at least, does have a job - so it wouldn't be the 'quick' resettling you are imagining., for starters and you could find yourselves very much worse off when you return and bitterly regretting selling. Rent it out while you are away and it may help to offset the mortgage payments while you are away

Having said that, I think you are getting caught up in the excitement of all the planning and are not thinking how you will cope with two very small children who will catch all kinds of bugs, at least one still in nappies, the heat, the dirt in many places you are thinking of visiting away from tourist areas.-, the different foods they will have to eat and get used to, the travelling light, washing and laundry facilities etc. etc.

A nice dream for you, but entirely impractical IMO with 2 very small children. Many of us want to run away from time to time, when our jobs are getting us down and also when we have very small children, but your husband should look for a new job (in a new area you want to move to) and do that instead. I do understand how awful it is when you absolutely hate your job, but really, this will not be the fun time away you think it will be and very very bad for your children. They won't remember the time away anyway.

I sincerely hope you don't do this

fieldsofbutterflies · 25/04/2024 11:40

For this trip, I would be prepared to start our eldest at school late.

What will you do if you can't get a school place?

travellingwithtoddlers · 25/04/2024 11:32

Didimum · 24/04/2024 22:55

I don’t think it’s the worst idea, but when would your 3.5yr old be starting school? September ‘25? Will you be back at ‘home’ to establish their school place and a solid footing for them? In scenarios where this sort of thing is on the cards, I strongly recommend you both examine what you may be running away from and whether travelling will ‘fix’ it. A delayed or displaced problem is still a problem, and it will be waiting for you upon your return.

For this trip, I would be prepared to start our eldest at school late. I don’t feel that she would miss out on too much. It’s why we are keen to go now - if we don’t do this soon, it will be too late once the children are older and need to be in school.

We aren’t running from anything; we are just bored of the UK!

OP posts:
travellingwithtoddlers · 25/04/2024 11:27

RaspberrSeed · 24/04/2024 22:54

Christ. Why would you sell your house? You’ll have to pay stamp duty all over again, plus all the moving costs. And have nowhere to return if it all goes tits up. Rent it out, pay off more of the mortgage. It’s financial madness to sell and rebuy a year later if you have no other reason.

Also, have you ever done any significant backpacking pre-kids? We did loads, and the idea of doing it with two toddlers would be absolute hell. The logistics, lack of routine, dirt, unsafe transport, difficulty accessing good medical care in a far flung place when you don’t speak the language, stopping them touching/eating the literal filth you will encounter anywhere remotely outside tourist areas. Not to mention dealing with sickness bugs, travel delays, etc. etc. And they are too young to even remember it.

It’s one thing taking off just the two of you. With toddlers, seriously think again.

We are planning on selling our current house whether we go travelling or not. We are needing to move cities, so will have to pay stamp duty to move no matter what.

Neither of us have ever been backpacking, but we definitely wouldn’t plan on this style of travelling. We would aim to stay in places for longer and to use air b&bs and stay in more tourist-y areas rather than off the beaten track. I definitely wouldn’t be planning on taking the kids to particularly dirty areas.

The suitability of the places for the children is way more important to us than ticking off places from our own “must see” lists for sure. I would go as far as to say the entire trip would be planned around the DC with the aim of visiting areas that are super child friendly.

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 25/04/2024 11:25

Libby Purves and her husband Paul Heiney took a year out and sailed round the coastline of Britain with their toddlers - she wrote a book about it called One Summer's Grace - it's a lovely book, and it sounds as if it was a wonderful experience for them all - albeit one with ups and downs, and some difficult times.

Your plan sounds exciting, @travellingwithtoddlers - and if you can afford it, and if your toddlers are good travellers, I think it would be an amazing thing to do.

Would you do some sort of travel blog/potential book, do you think?

travellingwithtoddlers · 25/04/2024 11:22

theeyeofdoe · 24/04/2024 22:46

Have you been on holiday with them yet? It sounds like my idea of hell.

Yes we have. Our eldest has been abroad 11 times.

I have found parts stressful, but overall, I really enjoy taking them away and giving them new experiences (even if they are too young to really remember!).

I find the flights stressful, and also the car seat situation in regards to getting around. But other than that, I’m of the mindset that it’s no more stressful than being at home, so why not be enduring the stress elsewhere?

OP posts:
Barney60 · 25/04/2024 11:21

Agree with all other posts, dont sell rent your existing home out.

If you sell then come back with just a new home deposit , you will not get back onto the property ladder for a while, firstly you will be starting over as a first time buyer, you need to be able to show your recent bills with proof of being a good payer on rent ect, your previous home bills will not suffice, also you/husband will need to of been employed for the last how ever many years is required nowadays on mortgage applications.

Why dont you buy/rent a camper van and do a dummy run across Europe for 3/4 weeks in the summer, (not sure if husbands employment will allow him to take all his leave in one go, or request unpaid leave perhaps?) it will give you an idea of how this will work both being around each other and the children 24/7.

Arrestedmanevolence · 25/04/2024 11:21

BIossomtoes · 25/04/2024 10:45

Reins.

Clearly haven't met my dc who both grabbed the reins, hauled me over and then sat on me like I was a horse. Then ran off into the abyss anyway. I would love a compliant child!

BronwenTheBrave · 25/04/2024 11:08

CCSA · 24/04/2024 23:16

As a counterpoint to the boring miserable no spirit moaners on the thread so far - if you’re in a position to do it without undue risk, which sounds like the case - go for it and make memories that’ll last a lifetime. Imagine the photos to look back and tell the kids about in years to come.

Yes, because the kids certainly won’t remember it.

BronwenTheBrave · 25/04/2024 11:05

travellingwithtoddlers · 24/04/2024 23:07

Just to clarify.. I definitely don’t have a proper backpacking idea of travelling in mind!
I was thinking along the lines of:

  • A few months in Australia (perhaps a month at a time in a few different areas - eg. A month in an air b&b, and then fly to a different area for a month, staying in another air b&b).
  • A couple of months in Dubai/Abu Dhabi in an air b&b
  • Travelling around some of the ‘main’ tourist areas in Thailand and other countries in SE Asia. We would stay in hotels here primarily but stay for at least a week in each area.

FWIW, a couple of months in an air conditioned BnB in Dubai with toddlers is the nearest thing to living hell that I can imagine. And for why? So your kids can get acquainted to complete cartoon series on TV? Because that is all they will be doing there.
SE Asia would be culturally much more interesting. Rent a place in Luang Prabang for a month and get to know the area and the country.

Zoopet · 25/04/2024 11:03

ineedsomemoremetime · 24/04/2024 23:16

Don't even think about renting your house out. The way things are going you probably wouldn't be able to get it back within a year or more on your return. Read about s21, s24 and rental reform bill before renting anything.

This.
My daughter rented out her house when she moved in with her boyfriend. ( As a back up plan in case the relationship didn't work out.)
FF 1 year and she gave the tenants loads of notice that she intended to sell.
They refused to move out and 2YEARS later she is still waiting for a court case.
This,despite paying extra for safeguards to the rental company.
It's a nightmare if tenants won't move.
Beware!

2024istheyearforme · 25/04/2024 11:01

Personally i would, life is short and if you would enjoy it then FK YEAH