Aibu to think some parents are really desperate to appear progressive & cool but it's having a detrimental effect on their kids?

State education is in crisis, I guess it challenges a lot of people's political values when faced with the reality of how badly the Tories have wrecked schools and the prospect of sending your child into that disaster.

Agreed. Buying privilege with some hand waving about the inadequacy of local state offerings for your offspring is the ultimate Tory aspirational stance.

Wtf are “media types, boho types”? And what is far left for you? Acknowledging the existence of non-binary people isn’t exactly synonym with nationalising the means of production. Maybe you should continue to just hold your views about what good parenting is and let others do the same.

I’m the same as you, no beef with private but have found that combination on here surprising and yes hypocritical

I’m just amazed at the number of people describing themselves as left wing yet educating their kids privately. I don’t have a beef with private education but wouldn’t describe myself as left wing. Obviously the definition of left wing must have changed over the years-it would have been seen as extremely hypocritical for left wingers to use private education in the past.

Because of the divisive language used by both the right wing Tories and their echo chamber channels like GB News and TalkTv, this is why we have people like the OP using “left wing” as an epithet.

They hear the term used to describe people who don’t act like them. Who allow freedoms for their children that they find uncomfortable.

There’s no actual accuracy in the term when it comes to what left-wing actually means. They might as well say non-conformist, or progressive, or god knows what.

People like the OP also use terms like “woke” incorrectly, because they see it in the Mail and GB News.

I mean, there are parents like this, so keen to be cool or whatever they fail their kids.

I don't really think it's a majority. But I did know a family where the parents believed in "consent" for everything from even young kids. It was weird - for one thing the kids had no real concept of needing to do things we don't feel like.

But it also set up a very strange dynamic where the parents would try and get the kids to make certain choices in a sort of underhanded way.

But what does that have to do with being left wing?

They want them to use pronouns?! That’s a slippery slope, they’ll be on the adverbs next

I'm still getting over the fact that you are pissed off that they don't send their child to private school 'although they could easily afford it'

How can you POSSIBLY know this to be true. Unless you are their personal accountant. They could have received an inheritance that affords them a house that makes them look wealthy but do not have sufficient income for private school.

Could have horrendous debts
Could be planning for one parent not to work
Ould be planning a family of 10 kids and not fair to educate one privately and not the other 9 . !

Or (like me) perfectly able to afford it but against every possible socialist principle I and DH believe in.

I suggest you exert your energy somewhere else

I can't work out why being left wing being a bad thing. Surely the selfish right wing is worse.

Yes, I agree. I am not saying it is. I was saying it was about authoritarianism and educational attainment. Whether the parent prioritises the child's education.

It’s nothing to do with class. A lot of working class people are right wing. And a lot of the middle class are very left wing.

If you have to say "not always but often" I think you recognise it's actually bull. A lot of Tory voters are now from old socialist areas and are working class.

It isn't actually about which way you vote but largely where they sit on authoritarianism and their educational attainment.

If people can afford private and recognise their child would do better there for whatever reason who is anyone to tell them what they can spend their money on? A lot of private school children are there for SEN because the Tories have run our educational system into the ground and parents are making choices about lifestyle to have their kids in private schools as a result. Parents who spend their income on their children's education are unlikely to be allowing them to drink and smoke and run riot. Arguably the kids from these backgrounds are far less likely, knowing what their parents are sacrificing to keep them in education, to do this as a result.

Because (and this may be because your kids are clearly slightly older now) like everything there has become a ‘left’ and ‘right’ wing way to parent (in the same way there’s a left/right wing way to eat - vegan vs meat eater - your lifestyle choices often indicate your political leanings. Not always, but often).

@mindutopia I'm interested as to why you think you're 'extremely left wing' when you would put your kids through private school if you could afford it. All they are is the purchase of privilege, the very definition of what is not left wing. Left wing is all about equality of opportunity, not a much better deal for those who can afford it and sod the rest.

These are just people who have different world views than you.

It's not 'damaging', it's just not in line with what you would do/ how you feel.

There's a difference.

Live and let live.

That's different from my perception of who is letting their children vape and go to unsupervised parties at 13! I was talking to 2 mums who's kids are at the local grammar (Tories, cars and pools types) and both said their kids had been drunk this year, one is 12 and one is 13. They both voted Brexit as they wanted more regulations about people taking their jobs (one has a building firm - very happy prices went up post Brexit). They both think it is a rite of passage for teens to drink and smoke and told me, lefty, that I was too highly strung when I suggested it might damage their brains and start some dependency issues.

I think OP you are massively barking up the wrong tree.

I'm extremely left wing and none of what you said describes me. My kids are in state school because we can't afford private, but they would definitely be in private if we could. We are very strict on devices (unlike most other parents in our circle) and ours only got a phone to use on wifi only (no SIM) at 11 and only a few hours a week. We are relaxed about homework and school achievement generally, but that's because neither of us has time to spend 3 hours a day monitoring homework as we have jobs and other responsibilities.

I am very open minded about gender and have lots of non-binary/trans friends, but I'm not obsessed with gender (unlike some people around here who don't seem to believe in it 😂). It's not something that really comes up in conversation in our family and my children wouldn't know anything about pronouns, they might be able to explain to you what it means if someone is trans, but I'm not sure. But it's just not something that occupies our thoughts really.

My children are polite and respectful and can sit at the table for a meal out (they bring books and read or we play a quiet game of dominoes). I think it might just be that the people you know are a bit rubbish and you get worked up about people's politics and you are assuming that it's their leftist leanings making them so rubbish?

My mum was a really rubbish parent who allowed all sorts of stupid shit when I was growing up. It's not to do with her politics (she's actually quite conservative). It's because she was fairly emotionally immature and not a great parent.

You are awfully judgemental OP. I'm what you would describe as left wing liberal. I moved my DCs to fee paying prep schools because they were unhappy at the village school and sent them to whichever state schools they preferred for secondary. DCs had a lot of freedom and few rules, because thats how I grew up. They turned out just fine.

No but probably too late for 1/2p sweets!

Some of our "cool" friends were totally ok with their 14-year-old daughter having sex with her boyfriend (legal age where they live is 16). Then they were totally ok with her going on holiday with her new boyfriend and his family to the Eastern European country the boyfriend's family was from even though they had only dated for a couple of weeks when she was 15.
At least our friends ensured that she knew how to use contraception.
The daughter is now adult and married to boyfriend number 2 but still....

These don’t sound much like left wing types to me, they sound like liberals, who don’t have enough money to go private so are making a big deal about their ethics in order to cover it up. A very different breed altogether.

The real champagne socialists are those who want champagne for all and are prepared to pay extra tax to help achieve the equality. I’m a fully paid up member of that particular club.

I don’t see what any of this has to do with being “cool” or “left-wing”

maybe they can’t afford the private school?

most cool parents would be analogue rather than pro 8 year olds having a phone.

you don’t sound any less condescending either.