Aibu to think some parents are really desperate to appear progressive & cool but it's having a detrimental effect on their kids?

I ageee with about 50% of your friends beliefs and 50% of yours

So are my kids just 50% fucked up?

I thought this thread was going to be about parents who use their children as extensions of their own identity. All at the expense of their privacy and free will.

So the parent uses the child to ‘show’ the world something about who they are as people. for instance, I will be so happy if my children be whoever they want to be, wear whatever they want etc etc but I don’t feel the need to show everyone ‘look how good I am being about the fact my son chose the dress!’

Why post pictures bragging about how much your boy child likes to wear dresses and pink? If you were really totally accepting and relaxed about it, I don’t believe you’d feel the need to make it performative in this way.

Same with taking your kids on political marches and posting pics of them online holding controversial flags or banners. I’ve seen so many kids with ‘from the river to the sea’ etc written on their faces in face paint or on marches next to Hamas flags etc, it makes me want to cry seeing their parents force hateful or controversial ideology on a baby. They are too young to understand the cause or any nuance and you’re essentially indoctrinating them before giving them an opportunity to be able to challenge or listen to other viewpoints. But again, the worst and most dangerous bit is the plastering it all online forever.

you’re creating an identity for your child rather than them discovering who they are going to be and causing potentially horrible issues for them in the future.

These are the parents I can’t stand. Vanity parenting by adults with their own frail identities.

get your children’s images offline and if you want to make a political statement don’t do it at their expense.

I know a few who have never sent their children to school and teach them at home, and they call it unschooled.

I don't think I've seen the actual teaching, though. it just seems that the kids are playing on their screens all day.

They are prone to extreme leftist political rants.

Why does it bother you?

you sound v judgemental and snobby which aren’t traits I want to pass on to my children.

I know plenty of people who can afford private but don’t want their children growing up around entitled people or to be pushed into a nervous breakdown by the time they get to Oxbridge. I also know plenty who went to state schools, didn’t have pushy parents and still went to Oxbridge or gone on to be extremely successful in less academic careers.

I want my children to have a childhood, and be happy. I keep a close eye on what the homework is that is set but am definitely one of those who won’t force my child, rather I’ll find other ways they can develop or utilise those skills as part of our day to day. We are constantly talking and teaching as part of our time together but based on their interests and what comes up rather than a formal homework sheet. They’re still learning but in a happy way that suits their style and not losing any of the joy and curiosity that comes with true learning.
but it does mean that the work he turns in at school probably looks terrible compared to those who have had a ruler wrapped on their knuckles or who enjoy sitting and drawing a perfect poster etc. Everyone is different and different kids need different things and parents can be trusted to decide how best to manage their own children’s education.

To be perfectly honest, it really just sounds like you don’t like these specific people and you’ve got pretty worked up in your own head about them. I mean, teenagers find most things their parents do cringe. You don’t let that control your life!

what you’ve described doesn’t sound like “champagne socialism” also you say they are doing it to fit in…fit in with who?

I would consider myself left wing, yet I am considering private school for my child because of his additional needs (not severe enough to get into a special school, but he's missing a lot of mainstream school). I also have used private healthcare when we weren't getting anywhere with NHS for my other child's health issues.

I don't think it's that clear cut. I'm not willing to let my child potentially suffer life altering health issues or miss out on an education in order to honour my ideology.

Under a series of right wing or centrist govts our education and healthcare have got a lot worse... Maybe if that hasn't happened you'd be less likely to get people in this situation.

To true 😂

Pretty arrogant to assume you know better than the child's actual parents what school suits them best. FYI bullying happens in independent schools too.

@HesterRoon I describe myself as left wing as I support having a high tax with high spending on public services economy. I vote for left wing parties. If I lived in Denmark or Norway with their well funded schools then I'm sure mine would be going to state schools.
Unfortunately I live in England where schools have been underfunded for decades by the tories.
Im not going to deprive my children of having nice experiences and a fantastic education. Just like I'm sure you wouldn't deprive your children of swimming or dance lessons because other less wealthy families can't afford them.
I will vote and campaign so that hopefully one day all children can go to great schools and have state funded after school and enrichment activities.

I'll buy my child the "privilege" of proper SEN teaching just as much as the holier than thou grammar school lot buy mansions and cars, but always glad to make someone smile.

"So the disruptive kids are because of tory underfunding?"

When my son with severe sn is properly supported in school he doesn't display the behaviours there that cause problems for others.

I think we all understand that a child with a TA to support them is likely to be less disruptive than a child without a TA.

This is pretty basic. I'm sure you know this.

Yes. Not enough teachers to support classes. Lack of mental health support for children with SEN. Issues at home due to living in poverty due to benefits being cu and increased cost of living. I could go on. It's well known that the situation in our state schools has worsened under the Tories. And behaviour has worsened.

So the disruptive kids are because of tory underfunding?

It seems some people feel their children's needs must be met more than others

Exactly the situation in my DS's class. The disruptive kids demand all the teachers attention and DS has been invisible for years. Dyslexia completely missed by all his teachers.

It seems some people feel their children's needs must be met more than others

Blimey, I didn't know I was sending my kids into a disaster!

@HesterRoon if state schools in the UK were as good as state schools in Denmark, I'd be pretty surprised by the number of kids in private too. Wouldn't it be great if all of our children had access to good quality education that meets their needs?

@RespiceFinemKarma maybe some people who are on benefits vote Tory because they see the party as aligning with their values. Maybe they see themselves in a temporary situation where they need help. People who say they’re left wing yet buy themselves privilege while ‘caring’ about others make me smile. In societies which we would describe as left wing, state education is seen as the norm even for wealthier people. I remember my Danish friend coming to our little west London enclave and expressing surprise at the number of kids in private school.

I'm left wing in that I care about society as a whole, understand the benefits that immigrants bring to our country and believe in climate change and that huge investment is needed in green initiatives. And many other 'left' views. My son is going to private school this year because his state school can't meet his needs. Because it's underfunded by the Tories. I feel like I can be both.

I don't think it's such a juxtaposition. I want my child to be educated and give a shit about others.
I am sure plenty of people on benefits vote Tory!

@HesterRoon @EasternStandard @Craicbaby

None of them are left wing, they just think they are. What they are is liberal. They're all 'left wing' until their own privileges are threatened (despite already having a big share of the pie) and then they scream blue murder. One they are not about is fairness and they turn themselves into pretzels trying to justify themselves.

I had no idea being left wing meant I was supposed to get my kid a phone and not make them do their homework. What an eye opener.

Do you feel inferior to them in some way OP? Because that’s what I’m getting here, loud and clear.