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Original poster

Annoyed DH gets his mum to give the kids their bath

63 replies

LuceBellPip · 24/04/2024 21:00

DH and I have 3 kids,4 year old and twin two year olds. On Wednesday we have dinner at his parents house, it's a chance for the kids to see their grandparents and gives us a night off from cooking.
For our kids we bathe them daily, it helps them know it's bedtime and they are just mucky pups so it's needed.
On a Wednesday after dinner from 6-7 I go to ladies night at the tennis club, this is new just started in the last 2 months. His parents live next door to the club so I leave at 5.55 and I'm back for 7.05. I asked him to use that time to take the kids home, bathe them and have them ready for me coming home. Bedtime for the twins is about 7.30 and it's 7.45 for older DD. All 3 kids are still breastfed to sleep, really trying to work on this with DD but it brings her comfort.
Usually it goes I bathe the twins while DH reads with DD (she's just starting to learn), I bathe DD while DH reads the twins a story, I feed the twins while DH reads DD a story and then I feed DD. This works relatively well. Whole process starts just after 6.30. So DH never actually does bath time!

Now the first 2 Wednesdays I went to tennis, he did take them home while I was at tennis, I got home for 7.10, fed the twins, fed DD - everyone was happy! Since then DH has got his mum to bathe all the kids at hers then waits until I'm done at tennis to take the kids home with me.
Naturally I would be ok with this, but DH finishes work, parks the car at ours and walks down to his parents (5 minutes) so he can have a drink with dinner. This means we have to walk the kids back, with wet hair. All the relaxing effects of bath time are lost, we don't get in until 7.15 and they are all hyped up. It makes feeding them more difficult and is just a major pain. Tonight DD wasn't down until 8.15 and one twin has only just fallen asleep now at almost 9!! They usually do so well with bedtime!!
Ive asked DH why he can't just bathe them himself at home and he says oh his mum likes doing it and it makes her feel involved.
I know really that he just doesn't like doing it, the first half of bath time can be chaotic!! Water everywhere etc.
He doesn't see the issue, but I feel like I've lost an hour having to settle the kids tonight, I had things to get done!

AIBU to think it's just laziness and not understand why he can't just take them home?

OP posts:
Original poster
LuceBellPip · 24/04/2024 21:15

@HaventGotAScoob

I can't drive.

They could probably dry DDs hair but the twins will not let that happen, they are both scared of the hair dryer/hoover/noisy fans.

OP posts:
ontheflighttosingapore · 24/04/2024 21:14

None of them should be being fed to sleep at their ages so maybe this is a good time to get them out of it

HaventGotAScoob · 24/04/2024 21:14

LuceBellPip · 24/04/2024 21:00

DH and I have 3 kids,4 year old and twin two year olds. On Wednesday we have dinner at his parents house, it's a chance for the kids to see their grandparents and gives us a night off from cooking.
For our kids we bathe them daily, it helps them know it's bedtime and they are just mucky pups so it's needed.
On a Wednesday after dinner from 6-7 I go to ladies night at the tennis club, this is new just started in the last 2 months. His parents live next door to the club so I leave at 5.55 and I'm back for 7.05. I asked him to use that time to take the kids home, bathe them and have them ready for me coming home. Bedtime for the twins is about 7.30 and it's 7.45 for older DD. All 3 kids are still breastfed to sleep, really trying to work on this with DD but it brings her comfort.
Usually it goes I bathe the twins while DH reads with DD (she's just starting to learn), I bathe DD while DH reads the twins a story, I feed the twins while DH reads DD a story and then I feed DD. This works relatively well. Whole process starts just after 6.30. So DH never actually does bath time!

Now the first 2 Wednesdays I went to tennis, he did take them home while I was at tennis, I got home for 7.10, fed the twins, fed DD - everyone was happy! Since then DH has got his mum to bathe all the kids at hers then waits until I'm done at tennis to take the kids home with me.
Naturally I would be ok with this, but DH finishes work, parks the car at ours and walks down to his parents (5 minutes) so he can have a drink with dinner. This means we have to walk the kids back, with wet hair. All the relaxing effects of bath time are lost, we don't get in until 7.15 and they are all hyped up. It makes feeding them more difficult and is just a major pain. Tonight DD wasn't down until 8.15 and one twin has only just fallen asleep now at almost 9!! They usually do so well with bedtime!!
Ive asked DH why he can't just bathe them himself at home and he says oh his mum likes doing it and it makes her feel involved.
I know really that he just doesn't like doing it, the first half of bath time can be chaotic!! Water everywhere etc.
He doesn't see the issue, but I feel like I've lost an hour having to settle the kids tonight, I had things to get done!

AIBU to think it's just laziness and not understand why he can't just take them home?

Does him mum not own a hair dryer?

Do you/can you not drive them home?

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 24/04/2024 21:14

Yup, lazy and pointless. He should go home to bathe the kids but take his mum with him 😆

Original poster
LuceBellPip · 24/04/2024 21:13

Holstomorrow · 24/04/2024 21:09

I think it’s nice for the kids and the grandmother to have this time together. My mum always used to bath my kids at hers on Wednesdays when they were small - good times. Also, the break from routine might actually help you to break away from breastfeeding your older child (as you say you want to do this). Routines are brilliant up to a point but If you always stick to doing exactly the same thing every day it will make it harder to change things/stop breastfeeding.

I absolutely don't begrudge grandma doing baths and she's more than welcome to pop up any night and chip in (heck she can come every night if she likes!), it's more the routine being off. While I agree a break from routine isn't the end of the world and on Friday/Saturday/while on holiday we do switch it up, I'm just not sure losing an hour+ of sleep is right. The kids will all still need to be up normal time tomorrow and im expecting some grumpiness.

As for DD and breastfeeding, I'm a big softy and have "pick your battles approach" and well that's a battle I'm procrastinating!

OP posts:
RoseMartha · 24/04/2024 21:11

I think it is nice they have a bath at grandmas too. Good memories for them and bonding time.
Maybe you can ask if she will dry their hair or you dry their hair before you leave her home.

BIossomtoes · 24/04/2024 21:11

Aquamarine1029 · 24/04/2024 21:07

Tell him to please ask his mother to come to your home if she'd like to still bathe them for bedtime. The idiot.

This.

LivelyBlake · 24/04/2024 21:11

Your MIL should walk the 5 mins to your place and help bathe the DC there.

Holstomorrow · 24/04/2024 21:09

I think it’s nice for the kids and the grandmother to have this time together. My mum always used to bath my kids at hers on Wednesdays when they were small - good times. Also, the break from routine might actually help you to break away from breastfeeding your older child (as you say you want to do this). Routines are brilliant up to a point but If you always stick to doing exactly the same thing every day it will make it harder to change things/stop breastfeeding.

mightydolphin · 24/04/2024 21:08

I would suggest that you alternate who bathes the children/reads stories if he isn't willing to bathe them x1 night a week. He has a good deal and he needs to pull his socks up and get some perspective.

If he doesn't budge, then stick to your word and skip baths on the night you're at the tennis club. They really can survive one night without a bath - and I say that as someone that bathes their 3YO every night.

Aquamarine1029 · 24/04/2024 21:07

Tell him to please ask his mother to come to your home if she'd like to still bathe them for bedtime. The idiot.

FlameTulip · 24/04/2024 21:05

But anyway, YANBU and he needs to be the one settling them if he's got them out of routine.

FlameTulip · 24/04/2024 21:04

The Wed night wouldn't bother me so much as the fact that you do baths every night while he reads stories. He has the better deal every single night! Can't you swap sometimes?