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Original poster

Annoyed DH gets his mum to give the kids their bath

63 replies

LuceBellPip · 24/04/2024 21:00

DH and I have 3 kids,4 year old and twin two year olds. On Wednesday we have dinner at his parents house, it's a chance for the kids to see their grandparents and gives us a night off from cooking.
For our kids we bathe them daily, it helps them know it's bedtime and they are just mucky pups so it's needed.
On a Wednesday after dinner from 6-7 I go to ladies night at the tennis club, this is new just started in the last 2 months. His parents live next door to the club so I leave at 5.55 and I'm back for 7.05. I asked him to use that time to take the kids home, bathe them and have them ready for me coming home. Bedtime for the twins is about 7.30 and it's 7.45 for older DD. All 3 kids are still breastfed to sleep, really trying to work on this with DD but it brings her comfort.
Usually it goes I bathe the twins while DH reads with DD (she's just starting to learn), I bathe DD while DH reads the twins a story, I feed the twins while DH reads DD a story and then I feed DD. This works relatively well. Whole process starts just after 6.30. So DH never actually does bath time!

Now the first 2 Wednesdays I went to tennis, he did take them home while I was at tennis, I got home for 7.10, fed the twins, fed DD - everyone was happy! Since then DH has got his mum to bathe all the kids at hers then waits until I'm done at tennis to take the kids home with me.
Naturally I would be ok with this, but DH finishes work, parks the car at ours and walks down to his parents (5 minutes) so he can have a drink with dinner. This means we have to walk the kids back, with wet hair. All the relaxing effects of bath time are lost, we don't get in until 7.15 and they are all hyped up. It makes feeding them more difficult and is just a major pain. Tonight DD wasn't down until 8.15 and one twin has only just fallen asleep now at almost 9!! They usually do so well with bedtime!!
Ive asked DH why he can't just bathe them himself at home and he says oh his mum likes doing it and it makes her feel involved.
I know really that he just doesn't like doing it, the first half of bath time can be chaotic!! Water everywhere etc.
He doesn't see the issue, but I feel like I've lost an hour having to settle the kids tonight, I had things to get done!

AIBU to think it's just laziness and not understand why he can't just take them home?

OP posts:
5128gap · 24/04/2024 21:45

Aquamarine1029 · 24/04/2024 21:07

Tell him to please ask his mother to come to your home if she'd like to still bathe them for bedtime. The idiot.

This. Such an obvious solution.

hamsterchump · 24/04/2024 21:44

Are you brushing their teeth at night after feeding?
Breastfeeding a child with teeth at night is a risk factor for early childhood caries (tooth decay). www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8067957/

pizzaHeart · 24/04/2024 21:42

LivelyBlake · 24/04/2024 21:11

Your MIL should walk the 5 mins to your place and help bathe the DC there.

This^
walking after bath with wet hair is stimulating rather then relaxing.

And if your DH doesn’t see a problem in this he has to look at the mirror.

furryblanky · 24/04/2024 21:42

I have fond memories of baths at my Nanas house when I was little

Original poster
LuceBellPip · 24/04/2024 21:39

downbutnotouttake969 · 24/04/2024 21:36

Seems like your needs are the most important in what you have posted.

What about everyone else's needs?
You need the bedtime routine
You need the Wednesday night tennis

What does your children and husband need?

Well the children need routine and my husband goes to the gym 2 nights a week so it's hardly selfishness. The kids thrive on routine and DH gets the easy the deal most nights!

OP posts:
babytum · 24/04/2024 21:39

Your one hour of the week to yourself is negated because your husband is too lazy to do bedtime himself and keep the routine going.

I’d be so pissed off, it’s one bloody evening that he’s responsible to get the baths done. It’s not a big ask to assume he’d just be a responsible and supportive spouse and let you have that one hour. The thought of the shit show ahead with a disrupted bedtime would put me off going.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 24/04/2024 21:36

LuceBellPip · 24/04/2024 21:16

Why do you say this, I'm genuinely curious as to what the issue is?

Show quote history

Ignore them. There's no biological reason why you should not be feeding to sleep. I fed both of mine to sleep until they weaned at 6 years old!!

downbutnotouttake969 · 24/04/2024 21:36

Seems like your needs are the most important in what you have posted.

What about everyone else's needs?
You need the bedtime routine
You need the Wednesday night tennis

What does your children and husband need?

Whattheladybirdheardnow · 24/04/2024 21:36

This would annoy me if the disruption to the routine extended bedtime by over an hour once a week. Plus in winter/cold nights it’s not ideal to walk home with wet hair.

Grandma wants to do bathtime/husband doesn’t want to do it alone. So the solution must be after you leave, they walk to your house and do bathtime there starting at 6.30. Grandma walks home and you come home to 3 bathed kids ready for bed.

Then you get an hour back in your life to go to sleep have a glass of wine and a rest.

Snugglemonkey · 24/04/2024 21:33

This reply has been deleted

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Why?!

coxesorangepippin · 24/04/2024 21:30

Get granny to come to yours

BendingSpoons · 24/04/2024 21:29

Firstly we'll done to you for feeding 3 kids at once! DS recently turned 5 and weaned himself, so I understand your approach.

I would be frustrated too with bedtime being late and probably ask DH what option would be best. It seems like he could:

  • Not drink and drive home
  • Bathe them a bit earlier and leave earlier so they can have stories etc at home to calm down again
  • Ask his mum to come to yours
  • Take the twins home and leave your DD to have some 1:1 time with granny bathing her and you collect her
  • Suck up the manic-ness and he can take charge of settling them later
wednesdaywoes · 24/04/2024 21:27

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Original poster
LuceBellPip · 24/04/2024 21:27

@Sirzy

Like I said on the nights DH did take them home and bathe them, everything went off normally. I was home in time to do the feeds which is the only parts I'm pivotal for!

OP posts:
Sirzy · 24/04/2024 21:26

LuceBellPip · 24/04/2024 21:13

I absolutely don't begrudge grandma doing baths and she's more than welcome to pop up any night and chip in (heck she can come every night if she likes!), it's more the routine being off. While I agree a break from routine isn't the end of the world and on Friday/Saturday/while on holiday we do switch it up, I'm just not sure losing an hour+ of sleep is right. The kids will all still need to be up normal time tomorrow and im expecting some grumpiness.

As for DD and breastfeeding, I'm a big softy and have "pick your battles approach" and well that's a battle I'm procrastinating!

Show quote history

But the routine is off by you not being there in the first place surely?

can they not have the bath without hair wash one night?

NeverDropYourMooncup · 24/04/2024 21:25

As they live so close, why not change it so that Grandma comes around to do the bath instead? That way she'll get the nice, cosy Grandma bit, they get the nice, cosy Grandma giving them a bath followed by the nice, relaxed and cosy nighttime routine?

Original poster
LuceBellPip · 24/04/2024 21:24

theriseandfallofFranklinSaint · 24/04/2024 21:23

Can't the kids miss a bathtime on Wednesdays seeing as this is a day different to their usual routine anyway or have a bath a Grandma's then go home snuggled in the pushchair so they're sleepy when they get home?

It's only 1night out of 7 - is it really such a big deal?

I wouldn't mind if they were still asleep for their normal time.
But the bath, story, feed, sleep routine is pretty key. If this could happen and then we get home, feed them and go to sleep it would be fine.

OP posts:
eggsontoast1 · 24/04/2024 21:24

ontheflighttosingapore · 24/04/2024 21:14

None of them should be being fed to sleep at their ages so maybe this is a good time to get them out of it

Why not?

theriseandfallofFranklinSaint · 24/04/2024 21:23

Can't the kids miss a bathtime on Wednesdays seeing as this is a day different to their usual routine anyway or have a bath a Grandma's then go home snuggled in the pushchair so they're sleepy when they get home?

It's only 1night out of 7 - is it really such a big deal?

HaventGotAScoob · 24/04/2024 21:21

LuceBellPip · 24/04/2024 21:15

@HaventGotAScoob

I can't drive.

They could probably dry DDs hair but the twins will not let that happen, they are both scared of the hair dryer/hoover/noisy fans.

You need to work on that -exposure therapy! They have to get used to these noisy things they're all around us.

RandomMess · 24/04/2024 21:20

I would ask Grandma to go bathe them at your house on a Wednesday from now on.

CelticPromise · 24/04/2024 21:20

There's nothing wrong with feeding to sleep if it's working for mother and child. The bedtime feed is often the last to go and if you have a tried and tested method of putting your child to sleep, why wouldn't you use it?

That said, if you do want to wean this is a good place to start www.emmapickettbreastfeedingsupport.com/blog/weaning-toddler-bob-and-pre-schooler-billie-how-do-you-stop-breastfeeding-an-older-child

Original poster
LuceBellPip · 24/04/2024 21:18

MalibuBarbieDreamHouse · 24/04/2024 21:16

I’m not saying stop breastfeeding, but don’t feed them to sleep. I still feed my 2 year old at bedtime, but not til she falls asleep, I feed her as we read a story then I put her into her bed and sje falls asleep by herself. This means anyone else can put her to bed. She knows when I’m in, she can have milk, but if I’m out then she is capable of going to sleep.

I often see breastfeeding used as an excuse why dads aren’t involved in bedtime. If I was you, I’d take my time after tennis… maybe go the long way home, or stay to chat to your friends. Tell DH to out them to bed himself on Tennis night.

Edited

Ah sorry maybe I wasn't clear, none of them are actually breastfed to sleep, it's just the last thing they do before they sleep, then I get up and leave the room and let them fall asleep on their own but it usually does make them sleepy, unless they are super sleepy they never actually fall asleep while feeding anymore.

OP posts:
MalibuBarbieDreamHouse · 24/04/2024 21:16

I’m not saying stop breastfeeding, but don’t feed them to sleep. I still feed my 2 year old at bedtime, but not til she falls asleep, I feed her as we read a story then I put her into her bed and sje falls asleep by herself. This means anyone else can put her to bed. She knows when I’m in, she can have milk, but if I’m out then she is capable of going to sleep.

I often see breastfeeding used as an excuse why dads aren’t involved in bedtime. If I was you, I’d take my time after tennis… maybe go the long way home, or stay to chat to your friends. Tell DH to out them to bed himself on Tennis night.

Original poster
LuceBellPip · 24/04/2024 21:16

ontheflighttosingapore · 24/04/2024 21:14

None of them should be being fed to sleep at their ages so maybe this is a good time to get them out of it

Why do you say this, I'm genuinely curious as to what the issue is?

OP posts: